Taken In Pieces
Posted on | January 31, 2006 | 6 Comments
I took this picture when we were at the dog park a little while ago. I liked the feathery clouds and the intensity of the color in the sky. I’m a fan of sunsets, and clouds and nature and all manner of things. But there’s a peacefulness to this picture that quells the waves within me.
Flowers.
Last week I felt like poop. David and I fought So, when I stayed home, after a manic, sleepless night, he sent me flowers. I am well aware that I didn’t deserve them. But, I had to laugh when they delivered them. Sprouting from the side of a colorful bouquet were two huge, pink daisies. I figured David was antagonizing me in a cute, and funny way. “If she’s going to get bitchy flowers – they will be PINK.” I called him and thanked him for the beautiful flowers. I didn’t think to mention the pink daisies. When he got home, he looked at the mantle where I had proudly placed my flowers and said “What in the hell is that?” He pointed accusingly at the mantle.
“Those are the flowers they delivered. The ones you sent.” I smiled, because I thought he was trying to be funny.
“I ordered roses!”
The next day the flower company delivered a half dozen roses to my work. I wonder if my roses were delivered to the wrong person, and if so, what their reaction was. I can imagine all kinds of situations where roses are inappropriate, and a part of me giggles at the thought.
Biking
We rode the West Orange Trail again last weekend. I’ve decided that rollerbladers should get their own trail. The ones that speed skated, that had full control of their arms and legs would be more than welcome. What irritated the snot out of me were the groups of 5-8 bladers who flailed and wobbled all over the width of the trail, and refused to move when I called to warn them of my passing. I managed to squeeze between the unbalanced masses, and thoroughly enjoyed my ride. There are several things that I wanted to take pictures of, including an abandoned farm house and trees growing through old rail road tracks next to the trail. The path is representative of Florida – old growth and orange trees sitting next to cleared forests and homogenized developments. At once the path inspires, and in the second moment, it saddens me. I end up exhausted and happy at the end of the ride, though. And then I fall asleep way too early.
Shift in Priorities
I’m not drinking anymore. It’s not for any moral reason (unlike the vegetarianism) but rather, it’s just a fact. There’s a thin line of happiness when I imbibe. A sliver of sloppy smiles and easy conversation. Tip me on either side of that and the drinking experience is unsatisfying. I think a lot of it has to do with my lack of smoking. I’ve still been smoke free, and it’s been a month. I don’t miss it most of the time. There are moments, when I used to sit on the porch and contemplate my life with a flaming ember in hand. Now instead of smoking, I play my PSP. And instead of drinking, we go to bed damn early and rise to ride on the weekends. It’s altogether more enjoyable. But the shift is discernable now. I don’t know that I will step foot into another bar (unless we are hanging out with my mother in Colorado, or visiting someone) and I would rather spend my time reading or watching Good Eats and 30 Minute Meals than getting drunk. I think we became old grown ups suddenly. It’s an odd feeling.
As a Senior
I am now working on my senior Thesis. It’s a strange feeling. I alternate between pale terror and flushed glee. A few days ago a Graduate Information flyer came from Rollins, inviting me to their open house. For a moment I thought of going, of staying at Rollins for my grad program, of wussing out and running far away from the Creative Writing degree I want and settling for an MFA in Liberal Studies. It’s the cowards way out, but lately, I’ve felt like a coward. I am going to plough through the paper without looking back, if I can help it. I am going to try to tackle it and make it my own. Sometimes it’s just hard to get out of your own way.
Work
I’m unhappy.
I want a new job, but who doesn’t?
I have a biting fear that I will be stuck in this mind-numbingly dull kind of position for the rest of my life. It makes me want to become a plumber.
Communication
I’m in “safe” mode right now. No reason. There very rarely is a reason for the big swings (not the daily ones). If I am out of touch, don’t take it personally. I haven’t spoke to my mother in weeks, same for my sister.
My fireplace
They are going to fix it. It’s a reason to rejoice. Yay for fire.
Lazy Grammar
The English language is being butchered by lazy people. Why can’t people speak clearly?
I am enjoying the prospect of class tonight, since I bailed last night. Sometimes I just can’t muster the energy to get out of my happy, warm bed. But I will run, and I will eat dinner (once I figure out something to make) and I will go to school. I am going to attend the Winter With the Writers series and work on my craft.
But right now I am going to drink my tea.
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January 31st, 2006 @ 12:12 pm
Yeah, I think the bladers are all wobbly cause I blow by them, if they leave any space, which may unnerve the poor creatures. That might explain their state of unbalance or they could just be uncoordinated.
(In all actuallity, I’m nice to them because I don’t want one to fall over in front of my bike and cause me to eat asphalt.)
January 31st, 2006 @ 12:19 pm
Yeah, your bike is built for speed, not for offroading on fallen rollerbladers. Although I think that would make a funny animation.
January 31st, 2006 @ 2:07 pm
I still love you.
January 31st, 2006 @ 2:27 pm
I still love you too, Anne
February 1st, 2006 @ 11:28 am
I miss you guys.
February 2nd, 2006 @ 9:59 am
Awww Hollie BTW – the lady in the bookstore cafe said hi! I forgot her name, but she remembered that you were due soon…just thought I would pass that along.