This weekend taught me a few things about relationships, what makes me happy, and the idea of forgiveness. Our plans to see a movie with Frankie fell away because of a miscommunication between D and I. I wanted to spare Frankie the post-fight tension. Do you know what is really amazing? I don’t really know what we fought about. But I am sure I didn’t make things any easier by being stubborn. We made up before we went to bed, but the tension from Friday night fell deeply into Saturday morning. A following argument ensued. I get hysterical (and not in a funny way) when I feel cornered or attacked. But I can try the patience of a Saint, even a saintly person like D. We ended the morning with tear-streaked faces and forgiveness. But it was rough all the same. I think that arguments allow for a refocusing of what’s important. The most important thing to me is my relationship with my husband. I am endlessly mushy when it comes to him (this is a recent discovery for me, so I apologize if you all have been subjected to my endless gushing for years, but …well I’m in love). That being said, it really effects me when we argue, and I realized that our moods, like our lives, are intrinsically intertwined. He is greatly effected when I have a swing, and vice versa. So, I am going to be more conscious of my lashing out.

I have an admission. On Saturday I smoked. I felt compelled by the stress and the alcohol. D and I intended on going to a booby bar, so I bought smokes. I smoked them on my front porch and immediately regretted it the next day. My mouth tasted like absolute shite, my sinuses were wrecked and I felt like I had a head made of concrete. That compulsion is over. Little kids learn not to put their hand into a fire after burning themselves. Erica learned not to smoke because it makes her feel like shit. So, someone pass me some gum. I feel guilty for letting people down (David, Frankie, Cat, Tali, Lex, myself…) but I am going to repair the damage done by not doing it again. If I need a reason to stay away from the smoke I just need to remember my grandfather, who can’t walk across a room without having to rest. Emphysema and lung cancer, I just need to remember that.

I got absolutely no homework done this weekend, which freaks me out more than a little. I need to work on my final thesis paper. I say this every week, but I really mean it this time. Really… no …. Really!

Beyond that… I am getting a birthday/solstice/what ever else present sometime at the end of the week, I think. It had to be ordered. It’s been a good year to be me!

So, some addtional observations:
Pip still doesn’t like big dogs sniffing his bum.
However, he does enjoy his toys.
The creatures will always find the clean laundry to sleep on.
They are also devastatingly efficient at unfolding clothes.
My car needs a bath.
A new rug can change the whole feeling of a house.
Our new rugs rock.
Extra potatoes from First Watch makes the perfect breakfast.
Toojays sucks.
Their tater-pancakes rock, but everything else is just crap.
Julie showed me the light of iced coffee.
It’s a godsend.
The best thing to combat Sunday blues is to go for a long-ass bike ride.
2 beers or 2 glasses of wine is all it takes these days.
Overindulgence = WAY off kilter
I have lots of biking in my future.
Movies on my iPod make the day go faster.
My new Tom Bihn bag makes me very happy!
David is terrified of the kitchen.
I am thrilled at the prospect of packing my bags for six days.
I am a blessed woman.