I am sick. I brought back some mutant bug from Colorado and I feel like dried poop. The trip brought to light some of the less than wonderful aspects of my family, but it felt good to see them. I think more than anything I realize that we are not the unit we used to be. My sister has her kids and her husband. My brother has his girlfriend and their life. My parents have their own thing going. I had hoped when we visited that we would make an effort to be together. That didn’t happen and my feelings were really hurt. There’s tension in my parents’ home and I think that translated into a lot of segregated activity. I have to admit that I wanted to go home the night after the party (which was wonderful). I thought it was a big deal that we came out, but everyone seemed to go about their everyday activities. Even D felt the disinterest. I’m quite proud of what I am doing and were D and I are going, but there were no conversations, just a flurry of nights where everyone did their own thing. I admit to being at least partially responsible as I had a hard time with the chaos at my parents’ place, so David and I took the truck out a lot to explore Breckenridge, Silverthorne and the surrounding towns (The parents live in Frisco). I know this may seem whiney and self-pitying. But I don’t think I am going to go back for quite a while. My family (David and the fuzzies) never make me feel discounted. This time, my family did. And I don’t think anyone said more than ten words to D. That’s just unacceptable.
The party was pretty cool. Long held resentment fell away between the step-sibling and I. She and I drank a toast to letting the past and the anger fall away. That surprised me, actually, and it was a welcome development. Mom’s shock at our being there was priceless. She started to hyperventilate. And when the shock passed, she introduced us to all of her friends. We also met Derick’s girlfriend, who was lovely. I was so tired by the end of the night that I fell into the bed at the hotel (that we had to check into, but I’m not going to get into that right now….I’m still pissed). The siblings and I went in on diamond earrings for Mom. It was the last thing in a huge bag of funny gifts to include a tiara, a feather boa, a romance novel and hot sauces with funny names. At the end of the night, dizzying as it was, I felt like we surprised Mom and made her birthday a success.
Skiing – I went to Copper Mountain. I fell. I got a sun burn because I forgot to put sunscreen on. I had a good time, but I went alone. D didn’t want to go up on the mountain, and Papa-san was busy with the nephew. I cut my skiing short after I wrenched my knee and headed back to the B&B quite happily. I know now that I can still ski, that I need to take a break now and again, and that falling is kind of fun as long as you don’t hurt yourself.
Places to go in Frisco – We found two wonderful places to eat and drink in Mom’s little town. The first was Samplings and the other was the Butterhorn Bakery. Butterhorn has the best breakfast I’ve ever had in Colorado. The eggs were perfect, the toast – home made and smothered with butter, and veggie sausage! The place was packed, which I think says a lot for the quality of the food. We went back several times, and each time their food and coffee were great. That, and they have interesting plants hanging from the ceiling. One of them looked like it was made of pipe-cleaners.
The second place was Samplings. Mom is friends with one of the owners, and he showed us a really nice time. The décor is beautiful, with a copper fireplace, wonderfully rich floors, and warm lighting throughout. The glass encased wine room, which anyone can walk into, showcased their extensive collection. They had a tapas-based menu, and desserts that could be paired with specific wines if you queried the server. Good stuff.
I drove a SUV – I should have taken a picture of the beast, but I was painfully shamed that I sat behind the wheel. I felt like a hypocrite, but I didn’t rent the damn thing – Papa-san did. I will tell you that it had great suspension, moved through the snow and slushy streets with ease, and it’s seat-warmers came in handy. That being said, it was too damn big and an automatic. Two strikes against it in my mind. But yeah, seat heaters rock in that kind of climate.
Lip Balm and Lotion – if you ever go to Colorado please remember to bring your lip balm and gallons of lotion. I turned into a raisin up there. My lips are still dry!
I don’t want you to think that the whole trip was lost. It wasn’t. David and I had a great time shopping at Pearl Izumi in Silverthorne, and having dinner with the siblings in Denver. I loved the breakfast place, and had a blast playing in the snow. Mom and Papa-san adopted a dog, Cisco, who I pet endlessly and tried to keep company. The trip wasn’t all bad, but it did leave a horrid taste in my mouth.
On the home front – two huge developments. I started my meds last night. And, I got a sixty day extension on my senior thesis. Both are going to change my future for the better.
I really need to get back to work now. I am grateful that I went to Colorado, that I got to see my family. But there’s no place like home.
Oh – and Seemore bloomed!!
April 6th, 2006 at 1:20 pm
pictures of Seemore?
well… I will see you on tuesday night… I have to get me letter from Leslie… I think that Dallas is in my future…
April 6th, 2006 at 1:36 pm
I took some of him with buds on his branches. I should take some tonight of his beautiful leaves.
See you on Tuesday!
What’s in Dallas?
April 6th, 2006 at 3:31 pm
You know as we get older our relationships change with our parents and siblings. While you may have been hurt by them going about their lives, realize that it was a big deal for you to be there and it did mean a great deal to them, life just gets in the way sometimes.
You and D do have alot to be proud of, and I know that your mom and the rest of your family are proud of your accomplishments, even if they dont say it all the time.
Besides even if they dont appreciate you, your fuzzies do and so do I
April 6th, 2006 at 4:52 pm
Sorry you are sick…feel better
Glad you are home safe
Ahhhh, Seemore
fuzzie love
miss u
April 7th, 2006 at 6:18 am
Chris =) Thank you!! I think I needed to hear that!
Cat… It feels like I’ve been gargling marbles! Blech. But the fuzzies sat on the couch last night. I think they were trying to help me break my fever. Miss you too!
April 7th, 2006 at 9:38 am
wow I have to say I am a little suprised and offended - no one said more than ten words to d - gee thamx - but its kinda hard to talk to you when you snapping at people because of one thing or another and your running off to your hotel instead of finishing the preperations, or deciding your too tired to go to the bar because it no longer sounds like a good idea - or bailing at poker last minute because you did not take up my several offers to learn…. maybe try doing what other poeple like because we are so different… people were not trying to avoid you except at the expense that I was trying to stop my kids from irritating you (which I don’t think they really did but not sure on that one) but it would have been nice to just sit and hang out but you have to voice that to people you cannot expect us to just know especially with as many as there are… you were irritated that dad set up you at georges (well appreciate the fact that he was trying) you were pissed off because derick left without saying good bye (well him and Jody woke up late and he was trying to get her back to work since she called in the day before so she could stay longer and everyone was asleep when he left) I really am sorry that you had such a bad time….. I did not, I liked seeing both of you and I love you both… and maybe next time things will be more how you want them… but with this family I doubt it.
April 7th, 2006 at 10:19 am
Did you even read the whole post? If you didn’t perhaps you should again. I said I was partially responsible, so before you go flying off the handle you should pay attention.
When did you sit down and have a real conversation with us, Alexis? Really? Was it at Samplings when your daughter was tired? Oh, perhaps it was when you went gambling, twice. Wait. I didn’t go. Wanna know why? You all were drinking. That’s not my idea of recreation. And whether you realize it or not, the multiple nights of drinking really hurt me. I can’t physically do that. I waited around a while, both times, for you to come back. The only real conversation we had was in the car on the way to the airport. Better late than never I guess, but I expected more out of my family. The only one who met and exceeded those expectations was Raean. Perhaps that was my problem to begin with. Expect less and you won’t be disappointed
I didn’t realize that it was my responsibility to chase everyone around and beg them to spend some time with me. That’s a new phenomenon. I thought our family would want to stick together. It’s more important to drink, and gamble. Glad you all had a great time doing that but because we had to rent a hotel room, we really couldn’t afford to join in on the festivities. And I didn’t appreciate the sofa bed, because if he had communicated with us from the beginning then I would have been able to make other arrangements, been able to save for the expense instead of putting it on a credit card. I didn’t sleep at all because I we were relegated to a shite bed with no sheets and one spare blanket. Communication is negligible in our family. I admit to being partially to blame about socializing but if I didn’t go out and do things on my own then I would have spent the entire weekend waiting around.
It seems when my family comes to my house, they are able to slow down and have a conversation. That was all I was really looking for.
I am glad you had a good time. I didn’t. And that’s pretty much where things stand.
July 19th, 2007 at 3:15 am
[...] A few things have come up that I’ve not commented on yet. Personal stuff, but who am I to keep my personal life hidden? I don’t have many secrets, this you should know. And I’m not ashamed to talk about most things. Oh, fuck it. I found out that papa-san (my stepfather) read the blog post from one of my visits to Colorado, when D and I flew out for mom’s 50th. It wasn’t a nice post, to say the least. I was in a bad space, in a very dark place, and feeling uneasy with my relationships with everyone. That post and most of my other ones, are/were written without thought. I don’t edit, and I talk about almost everything I feel. It seems he felt hurt by the post and it was stated to a relative as the reason why he didn’t come or even express interest in coming to my gradutation. To say our relationship is okay is being generous. I don’t know who he is or why he is so distant with me. I can only assume that it is the result of our disagreements and disappointments over the years. Add to that - long held resentment for my desire to rekindle a relationship with my father and an inability to communicate - well its not the recipie for a loving relationship. What I find most frustrating and hopeful — his conversations with me. He told me not to subject myself to a career that didn’t involve doing what I love to do — that I should not compromise on that and to fight for a job that fullfills me. It felt wonderful when he said that. It felt like he really got me. I hoped that converrsation would be the beginning of honest conversation, but it wasn’t. It was just a nugget, a spark. But it is what I will keep with me now. Things between my parents have been mostly crap for years. It’s been hard to watch, and although I love both of them, my Mom is always my biggest worry. She’s not fragile or weak, but constant stress brings out the worst in all of us. I just want everyone to be okay. [...]