Moody Meow

Liberal, lunatic lassie, with mood swings and foot-in-mouth syndrome

Turning 28

Posted on | July 24, 2004 | 2 Comments

Is it something special?

I could count my blessings, but I know I have more than 28 of them.

I think about ten years ago, when I graduated high school and high tailed it down to Miami. Did I realize that I would turn into a reckless tsunami? I really thought I had my head on straight, that I knew what was what and where the really important things were. But then I see my travels, bouncing from home to home, roommate to roommate, and for all my longing for a stable home, I was terrified of the idea of being tied down. I became a pitbull that ached to be cuddled but couldn’t do anything but bite. I wandered the sweaty nights of South Florida, trying to find home.

It wasn’t all bad, not really. Hell most of it I spent fucked up. I was a self-medicating fool back then. I didn’t really understand that I had a problem until LaVonne dragged me to a cluster of trees, locked the car doors, rolled down one window so I could smoke and told me what she thought of my insanity. When she dropped me off I drowned in my tears, terrified that someone knew the game was up. I was fucking crazy, and I couldn’t hide it anymore. So I did a line, smoked a joint and called a friend to console me in his bed. You know, cause that’s what you do when your girlfriend confronts you with a problem.

But somehow, this last move (to Orlando) seemed to clear the path for something better. I think I realized that the childish “woe is me” act was getting thin and tired. I really wanted someting. I didn’t know where to start. So I finally listened to Mom when she told me I needed help. Two years of meds and therapy and I am somewhat put together. I still have my fits of irrational lashing out (ask David about those. I’m sure he bears the bruises of my insensitivity) but all in all I am better. My intolerance for prideful boasting, lack of motivation, and self-serving agony is nil. It’s because I know what the bottom of that lake looks like and it’s not as deep as some would like you to think. Do what I did. Pull your ass out of the tar, take a shower, and get moving.

At 28 I think I am a lot wiser than I was before. I am becoming a grumpy old bitch, who yells at the cars as they race down the street and relishes the sound of silence. But I am still the social animal who needs friends and relationships with interesting people.

To those of you who have been neglected, rejected or otherwise burdened with my pissy attitude – I’m sorry. I like to think I am a superhero but I am still only human. I made a few mistakes this past year. Am I adult enough to fix them? Who knows. Only time will tell.

Ask me on my next birthday!

Category: Did I forget to mention?

Comments

2 Responses to “Turning 28”

  1. Erica the Meow
    July 25th, 2004 @ 6:56 pm

    Thank you babes. I’m glad that everything worked out the way it did. By the way – you rock my socks! (get it? Kitty socks rock!!! Ahhh I make myself laugh)

  2. Julie
    July 24th, 2004 @ 11:04 pm

    You are a super hero to me…Dinner was great I hope you had fun afterwards…Sorry i punked out on that part of the evening but you will understand when I tell you …I got my closure
    Happy birthday Erica I love you !!!!!!!!!!!!

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