Sad Musings
Posted on | August 9, 2004 | 10 Comments
This is not a shiny happy entry. Just thought I would warn you.
Is it normal to see the end of things? In the past months the idea has been brought up more than once, and I find that it rings in my ears painfully. I try to smile when the nerves have been soothed with sincerity but there is always that ringing, and I want it to stop. Nothing is for sure, I know. I just figured this would last longer than a sandcastle on the seashore. So I think about what would happen. Where would I go? Would I finish things up in Orlando before the imminent move west or would I just uproot myself immediately and brave the wonders of the west alone. Who knows? I know all couples go through the hiccups and burps that come in relationships but the echo of an end rings in the hallowed halls of my home. Just when I think we have it all together we talk after midnight’s brutal passing.
I know, regardless of my relationship situation I will make it out west. I have bullied my way through this world for too long not to get there and start over. With or without my best friend I have to leave Florida. I have two more years. But, do I really want to do it alone? It’s his dream as much as it is my own. If I leave the comfort of the porch would I even stay stateside? The ties would be cut and I could float back to the mysteries of the Black Forest and the German countryside.
It’s really hard thinking of myself without him. It really is. I love him more than I can say but my own issues have once again clouded clear waters. I want everything to be okay again. Maybe ignorance is bliss but I know it would bite me in the ass eventually. It always does.
I may just be borrowing trouble. It seems to be a flaw of mine, but he has always believed that all things come to an end. There is permanence in nothing in this world. Maybe I’ve started to finally believe that, and that makes me sad.
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Recent Posts
August 12th, 2004 @ 1:56 pm
You did and it seems like it was written for us! =)
August 11th, 2004 @ 11:00 pm
Yeah, i know it was long but i hope i got my point across
August 11th, 2004 @ 10:28 am
that’s lovely….
absolutly lovely..
August 10th, 2004 @ 11:43 pm
From Erica to David…
Push
By Sarah Mclachlan
Everytime i look at you the world just melts away
all my troubles, all my fears dissolve in your affection you see me at my weakest
but you take me as i am when i fall you offer me a softer place to land
you stay the course, you hold the line
keep it all together you’re the one true thing i know i can believe in you’re all the things that i desire you save me, you complete me
you’re the one true thing i know i can believe
I get mad so easy but you give me room to breathe
no matter what i say, you’ll do
becuase you’re too good to fight about it
even when i have to push just to see how far you’ll go you wont stoop down to battle but you never turn to go.
Chorus
Love is just the antidote nothing else can cure me there are times I cant decide
when i cant tell up from down
you make me feel less crazy otherwise i’d drown
but you pick me up and brush me off
you tell me I’m ok Sometimes thats just what we need to get us through the day
Chorus
August 9th, 2004 @ 9:59 pm
For all those that care, the make up nookie was awsome and …well …that’s all you need to know =)
Joel, you will have to fill me in… I heard rumors through the grapevine but I wasn’t sure they were truth…hope all is well with you regardless….
And it did work out. Being open and honest is the best policy. And thank Goddess David understands I’m a fucking looney toon sometimes. Gotta love hormones…
August 9th, 2004 @ 9:50 pm
Aww, don’t get down. If you two stay open and honest and work together, there’s no reason you can’t find a way to continue to grow together.
When you don’t do that, you suddenly find yourself in an apartment with two more bedrooms than you really need.
August 9th, 2004 @ 4:00 pm
(btw, not making light of the situation… attempting to give humorous support)
August 9th, 2004 @ 3:42 pm
Blame it on Republicans!
Time for make-up nookie! Woo hoo!!
August 9th, 2004 @ 10:09 am
That means more to me than you can possibly know.
Sorry I am so damn sensitive. Must be the hormones or something.
I’m going to blame this on PMS and no sleep.
=)
August 9th, 2004 @ 9:24 am
But you’ve helped me believe that some things can last forever. Please don’t feel troubled. I love you more than you can know.