My uterus is going to essssplode
Posted on | September 21, 2006 | 3 Comments
Do you know the agony of cramps? I do. I am going to blame my birthdaughter for this. Prior to her birth my periods were blissfully irregular, my boobies never hurt and I never had cramps. My body’s maturity into a vacant baby-making machine pains. Does my uterus long for a parasite to grow within it? Am I being punished for my lack of parental longing? It hurtssssssss us, precious.
My ride last night succeeded in pressing back the cramps. My body had better things to worry about, like keeping my heart in my chest and my lungs from exploding (please notice that my body parts exploding is a common theme in this blog entry). The cramps weren’t important then. I slept well, woke rested. And them BLAM!!!! Crampus-maximus. I am starting to think a hysterectomy is a good idea.
And because I know you are so frickin interested in my female cycle, I shall whine some more. My boobies hurt. They hurt yesterday when I put on my sports bra for my ride. They kill today. Do any stores sell a booby amputation kit? They are nice to look at and all, but they get in the way when they swell and they throb, and I’m not going to use them anyway. At 30, they are starting their inevitable decline. Bad, bad boobies.
When I PMS, and oh yes, I PMS, I crave crackers. Odd, perhaps, but I think it’s the salt. Today, I have Cheese-its. That makes me happy.
So I am through with my whine session. I hope you have a nice Thursday. Really I do. May the plague of cramps miss your uterus.
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September 21st, 2006 @ 8:37 am
I feel your pain; I can accurately predict that Saturday will be cramp day. I will try to climb, mow the lawn and watch oodles of college football to take my mind off the craptastic gift that is womanhood.
September 21st, 2006 @ 8:41 am
Oh. That’s just not nice of your cycle. It should at least respect the sanctity of the weekend. Today is the worst day, and in three days it will be over, but damn, if it isn’t a pain in the gut right now…
September 21st, 2006 @ 10:41 am
Is Crampus Maximus like Optimus Prime? Is it a transforming monster in your U-TI. I think I’m going to call it a U-Ti from now on (pronounced yoo-tee). And it feeds on the energon produced by the prior resident. Yes. I like this idea.