Not in the mood
Posted on | September 27, 2006 | 6 Comments
- to write
- to think
- to feel this blue
- for questions and answers
- for bitter tastes
- to understand
- for unfinished homework
- to be the fat girl
- for a peircing to act up
- to think about moving
- to say thank you
- for conversation
- to really give up smoking
- to deal with the shitty phone setup at work
- to be nice
- to be understanding
- for the silence without my iPod
- for another smoofie
- for class
I am feeling sorry for myself today. No, there’s no reason. I just feel shitty. Comes with the territory I suppose. There is a certain ammount of responsibility that I should take with this bipolar shit, but I can’t seem to motivate myself. That was a condition of my lesser meds – use the natural blanace of the body chemistry through movement. There’s the issue with weight gain. I’m balanced about 40 pounds heavier than I should be. That’s a lot of weight, and to make it disappear, I have to fight with my seroquel. That drug likes to add weight. Maybe I just need a nap. Maybe I am afraid of failing today. Maybe I just need a good cry to wash this blue out of my head. Although, today I think a cigarette would work as well. I don’t count the days anymore. I’m a recovering smoker. I think I always will be.
And I just got an e-mail about Northwestern’s Liberal Arts Masters. A co-inky-dink (sound it out) considering all that pulled me to Chicago is gone. I also have to apply to UBC this week. Scary shit, I tell you. Scary scary shit.
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September 27th, 2006 @ 10:40 am
I feel your blue today. I’m going to drown it with sweets and pay for it later. It’s not right but it’s ok.
September 27th, 2006 @ 10:46 am
I wonder if ice cream would cure this blue. Does walking your dogs help? I think I should walk the beagles. They usually cheer me up.
September 27th, 2006 @ 11:32 am
Hey, we’re in cycle. I’ve been having a blue 2 days so far. I’ve had to fight to keep myself straight and not just up and quitting everything. I hate cycles.
September 27th, 2006 @ 11:45 am
I really believe there’s something funky going on with the universe. The cycles will pull through. We just have to roll with it, I guess. But I think a tantrum is in order if this doesn’t subside soon.
September 27th, 2006 @ 11:52 am
Yes, I think if we all checked our biorythms we’d be down in all categories. Although, my day vastly improved when I returned from work and found parking right away. That never happens!
September 27th, 2006 @ 12:10 pm
Oh — well then maybe when I get to school there will be parking in my favorite spot behind the library. Think happy thoughts.
My V8 Fusion seems to be helping. Think it’s all those vitamins.