I am in a horrifically scary place right now. It’s a result of things I can change, like eating and getting off my ass, but I push forward in spite of my own health. So, here I am, at work and all I can think about are the birds that greeted me when I walked outside this morning. I sent D off to test the limits of his new bike. I’m mean right now and the only thing I can do when I get like this is avoid him because he’s the one that gets the worst of this and I hate when I hurt him. I am angry, mean and terrified, but I went outside, and there were birds. Mocking birds, cardinals, blue jays, a few pigeons and the three squirrels that do a sort of trapeaze thing on the birdfeeder. All at once, for a moment, I didn’t feel the crazy that hurts so much. I didn’t feel mean. For a moment, with song, I felt sane again. But when I went inside to get dresses, it passed, like it always does. Perhaps when I go home this afternoon there will be a song to greet me. Perhaps not.

But I know damn well that I will have to refill the birdfeeder again.