I just found out that I was selected for the “Scholar’s Discount.” What does this mean? I get 20% off my tuition…. think of it as a scholarship for really dorky people. Remeber that god awful question that I had to answer? “If you had to invite three people to dinner, that you don’t know, in order to discuss your plans to embark on graduate studies, who would they be and why?”

I normally hate those kinds of questions, but apparently they liked my answer. And for your amusement — my brilliant reply. (note mostly sarcasm). It’s not perfectly written, because I waited until the last minute. Typical Erica.

Three men walk into a bar. Why a bar and not a restaurant? We only have time for a drink, not a nine-course meal. Charles DeLint sits to my right. Caravaggio takes the seat to my left. Eddie Izzard sits right next to me, instead of the chair across from me at the table. He smiles wickedly.

“Good evening gentlemen. I’ve invited you here for a brief conversation about my graduate program goals. I need each one of  you to give me piece of advice that you think I can’t live without. Just one piece. That’s it.” I watch them chew the idea in their minds. Charles seems puzzled. Caravaggio flags down the waiter and orders a wine and a beer. Eddie, just smiles.

Charles clears his throat and begins. “I know you love my books. They were your first foray into urban fantasy. But I’ve fallen into a rut, and I want to steer you clear. You are going to love certain parts of your writing, and certain avenues of life. They are going to become comfortable. But you can’t be afraid of taking a risk and chucking it all so you can begin again. With a clean slate, you can reform your writing, and recognize when there is repetition in your style. Stay away from the grooves of the well worn streets, and you will go magical places.” He sips his Guinness, and gives me a small smile.

I watch Caravaggio peer into his wine glass, then he swirls it around the bowl of the glass. He isn’t looking at me when I hear the quiet rumble of his voice. “You must balance light and dark. I am revered because of my use of the deepest blacks and the brightest colors in my paintings. Although other Baroque painters utilized this style, I crafted my paintings with a fine eye for detail and color. Do you know why so many look to my paintings for inspiration? The mystery and the truth – they are what captivates. If you write a character that is complex or flawed, you must reveal truth about them as well. Do not make them two-dimensional. The human form and mind are round, full of shadows, and are all the more interesting because of it.”

He stands, places his empty glass on the table, and bids us good night. Charles sips his beer.

Eddie throws his arm around my shoulder, pulling me close, and turns me so I can look into his eyes. He’s my favorite comedian. I’m not often star struck, but I think British transvestite comedians are quite adorable, so I blush. “ Don’t forget to laugh, love. You’re gonna find that this whole “graduate school thing” is very serious. It will make you gray and you’re gonna have more than one tantrum because you screwed up and didn’t manage your time. And I have to say, temper tantrums are cathartic, but people tend to look at you like you are crazy. Never mind. Anyway, don’t be afraid to have a message. It’s your voice and you can say what you damn well please. But don’t take this all too seriously. You can’t forget to smile. You are doing this because you love to write, so don’t let the pressure take that away from you. Keep an eye on the smallest aspects of society and their flaws. You’re gonna find quirks and inspiration from the strangest things. Have a sharp eye and loud laugh and then it will all be okay.”

Charles stands, hands me a copy of his book – the one I loaned out years ago, and wishes me luck. Eddie places a kiss on my cheek and reaches out to hug Charles, who looks mighty startled. “Come on, old chum. She’s gonna be okay.”

I never ordered my drink, but I got what I needed.