The Bad (get it out of the way so there’s plenty of room for the good:

  • My Grannie will be gone soon.
  • My mother is dealing with the death of her mother, a divorce, and uncertain work future and carrying the weight of dealing with an entire family’s load of issues.
  • My Budokan class has been canceled - she just didn’t get enough students interested and can’t afford to rent the space anymore.
  • I was 45 minutes late to work because the alarm didn’t go off.
  • I have to fly tomorrow.
  • I’m fat.
  • I have a shitload of work to do, and only one day to finish it all.
  • I haven’t finished my novel.

A lot of that is pretty negative, but on to happy shiny stuff.

The Good:

  • My Grannie won’t be in pain soon.
  • My mother has the support of her entire family.
  • I bought Budokan DVDs a few weeks ago, and they just arrived.
  • My teacher is also a yoga instructor, so I will hook up with her for those classes since I can’t get my live Budokan fix.
  • She may get me a gym discount.
  • I got to snuggle up to Pip for 30 extra minute this morning. The room was chilly, and his little nose nuzzled in my arm.
  • I am flying with my sister tomorrow.
  • Our brother will also be joining us in Charlotte.
  • While I am much heavier than I’ve ever been, I’ve stuck with Budokan for weeks (it’s a start) and I am going to set up the basement so I can continue my practice.
  • My boss told me that I didn’t have to return to work next week when I get back from Charlotte. Instead he said “get your head right for school, and when you come back to work, your head will be in a good place.” We don’t get along sometimes, but he’s not the ogre I thought he was and I get a few days to collect myself, which is awesome. Most of that time will be paid.
  • My novel is still in progress. One step at a time.
  • My friends have been immensely supportive and kind.
  • I have really nice earrings.

My poor Budokan teacher was really sad when she told us (me and one other student) about having to cancel the class. She has other opportunities to teach yoga, and she has to make ends meet, so I completely understand.  But I really enjoyed the time I spent in that studio - with its exposed, water-stained beams, the industrial light fixutures (with low-light halogen bulbs), the exposed brick, the interesting figurines everywhere. I noticed that I was able to focus last night. I found my breath and reveled in my peace and the stillness of the moment. And it could have been because it was my last class, or because I needed that space.

The sadness isn’t gone, but it’s been put in a little cup and placed on a high shelf where I will need a stepladder to reach it. I know it’s there and I know I’m going to have to deal with it, but the sun is shining today. It’s almost warm. I have one day of work to complete and then 2 weeks in which to deal with my Grannie, school, 4 plane rides, packing, and not seeing D. Right now my heart is okay, and I have to be grateful for that.

Have a great Friday, and do me a favor - share how you feel with someone you love, but who may not know it. Don’t let moments pass when you can say something helpful or nice. It’s all happy-hippy karma of me, but just deal with it - damnit! :)