I spoke with Calie last night. We have a Sunday ritual where we discuss the previous week’s activities and pump each other up for the coming deadline. I whined about our hellish hot streak with no AC. For those of you who live in the South, AC is a given. No one in their right mind would have a house without one, and when our system ran out of freon every summer at the Nebraska Street house, it was an emeregency. The AC person would be dispatched and at our house within 24 hours. Flip to over a year later, and our lovely home in Portland —- with three days of record breaking heat. The dogs and cats huffed on the floor, and shifted from carpet to kitchen when one spot got too hot. Even Voodoo came out of hiding to cool off. D and I did everything we could. I stayed up extra late so I could keep the doors open for the cool air. I froze bowls of ice and put them in front of the fans. I locked the house up extra tight during the day to keep the semi-cool air in. Thank god the dogs didn’t want to go in and out all the time. But the last night, on Saturday, sucked. It stayed 86 in our house well past 2 in the morning.

I

hate

sweating.

But today it’s 70 something. I kept all the windows open because I want to justify wearing this sweater.  Yes, I am happily wearing a sweater…….. this is why we moved here.

I feel like I’m in some kind of anti-communication vortex jobwise. I cannot count the number of resumes I’ve sent out. I’m starting to despair. When D shoulders the financial responsibility soley, my guilt kicks in. This is a partnership. This is two of us. This is a situation where we need more money. This is Valentine needing surgery and Meow needing a trainer (I’m fatter than ever and not happy about it). This is about life not cooperating. It’s effecting everything - my writing, my heath, my sketchy mental health, my relationships. It’s hard to suck it up every day and say it’s going to be okay. It will, as long as D remains employed, but even that was shaken up last week, and due to a shitty situation, he’s still in jeopardy. It’s not worth discussing out in the open, especially since we found out his employer trolls sites looking for their name, but it is adding stress. Taking each day as it comes has gotten harder. I just need a little break. Can’t someone give me a chance?

But at least the weather is cooperating. Thunder woke me this morning and our power went out for a little bit. I rolled over, cuddled a beagle, and fell back into fitful dreams.

Oh, and so glad I’m not dealing with hurricane stuff. It could always be worse.

Here’s to a better week full of brighter things…