Weighing the options
Posted on | October 22, 2008 | 1 Comment
I came home from the gym last night, bursting with the brillaint idea:
“Honey, we are going to do body for life again.”
D looked straight ahead at the computer screen, intent on ignoring me.
Like the dogs, I stared at him. Day eyes wide, smiling.No response. I think I got in his face then, still sweaty from my two hour workout. “The Gym people invited me to do it with them, and I said yes.” I smile MORE.
He turns from the computer screen. “But remember last time?” I see the sad smile, and remember.
I am a total, raving, angry bitch when I’m hungry. I really am. This has nothing to do with my manic depression. I get mad, temper tantrum angry, when I need food. And the best part of this? D usually has to tell me that I’m getting bitchy, and then will ask if I’m hungry. It’s pathetic really.
Rewind to about 2002. D and I lived in the duplex in Delaney Park. We loved that place. It was the first time I tried to go to the gym. Actually, I was pretty dedicated to my gym experience. Like many things in my life, the only successful results I attained were through a structured program where a wonderful, but tough trainer pushed me beyond my limits. I found great pride in my ability to leg press over 300 lbs, and although I’m short, I stopped fearing the “big boy” weight room. She enabled me to venture forth three mornings a week, before dawn, to meet my workout partner for an early morning lesson in sweat. The ritualistic structure worked for me.
I swear, I’m getting to the eating thing.
Now, I can’t remember whether we tried this while I was trying to work my ass off at the Y, but D and I tried to Body for Life diet for about 10 days. After too many days of bland chicken, broccoli (no butter, please) and boiled eggs, we broke. We sat on the couch,staring at our plate of boring food. I wanted to cry. There’s no way to get excited about cooking baked chicken, night after night. The egg-beater omelettes – foul. I don’t think we touched them for a few years after that. We decided such a diet wasn’t for us and went to our favorite pizza joint downtown (I forgot the name of the road!! Jesus, I have a bad memory). We even had beer.
This time I feel invigorated about the challenge of changing our eating habits. D brought up a very good point – we are vegetarian and it’s a protein heavy diet. They consider beans a carb, so WTF am I going to eat? Quorn chicken patties every night?
And the kicker, which is kind of important to D and I. We relish our dinners out. We eat out a lot more than we should, probably, but we always have a great time. If it’s our $20 dinner at Moosey, or the $120 we spend that that Peruvian place we (I) like downtown. We talk over dinner. We discuss our futures, talk about the plot of my novel(s), his art projects, our families, my interesting family issues, his lack of family issues. Those dinners out are our couple time.
I know, I know. You are saying “Just do it at home! It’s cheaper than eating out anyway. Go on the diet.”
You would be right. It is much cheaper and smarter financially for us to eat small meals at home, and for me to go on this diet. I will have one day a week where I can eat/drink anything. And holylittlebabyjesus, will I ever exploit that. But part of me wonders if being hungry all the time, and bitchy is really worth it. I work better with structure, and being challenged (like I was by the Gym owner and his wife), so this diet makes sense. But D’s not that interested in eating with such restrictions. I can easily make stuff for him, separate. But we would lose our Wednesday night dinners at Moosey, and our usual Friday night going out dinner with friend, family and lotsa wine. Is any diet worth losing that time?
Can I really lose this weight on my own? Should I at least try?
Should I stop whining?
PS. If you can – VOTE EARLY!!!
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October 23rd, 2008 @ 7:50 am
about the diet… I think you are crazy, but… I am supportive! I cant understand the need to do that and eat foods with NO flavor and such. I mean you are already a vegetablearian and you appear to be eating healthy with the exception of when you go out to eat (you never know what they feed you)…But then what do I know?
relationships are important. I think that you can give a little and still be okay, but I wouldnt over do it. Why not give it a trial week and see how you do.. If it affects you mentally and your relationship with D… I would try something else. I think that your marriage is more important than some diet! besides I think your body is beautiful the way it is….