Rollercoaster
Posted on | December 13, 2004 | 3 Comments
Poor D didn’t sign up for this ride.
Sometimes I forget how sick I can get, how unstable, how prone to elation and devastation. The constant this weekend was my inconstant mood, and D didn’t need my instability to aggravate his own. It seems we can’t seem to swing the right way at the same time. But, we managed. The result was a weekend spent playing video games (I beat Ratchet and Clank)and other non-social activites. Although we did venture out for the company function and to dance on N & A’s new floors (note to all: wear socks! It’s a great floor for sliding about like a moron). But home called quickly, and we retreated back to the casa.
I have felt ill at ease for some time. D and I discussed the weight of these past months and agree it’s been a heavy load. The good thing about it has been the marriage and solidification of our relationship. It’s not as if something specifically bad has happened, but I have been floating about beneath a cloud and I am getting pretty tired of it. Motivation is nonexistant, and my writing along with the excersise program has suffered. I find that my circle of friends grows smaller and smaller, leaving me to wonder if there is permanence in anything. But, if I finally get a restful night’s sleep, perhaps this cloud will lift. I just feel like I have been wandering at the edge of afternoon, missing the energetic burst of morning. My isolation envelops me at work too. I strive to be myself, but sometimes being me is hard in a place that celebrates “within the box” behavior. I don’t know…..I’m just whining.
What’s nice is:
I got to wear my hat last night (because it was cold)
We had a gift card for Publix, so we only spent 5 dollars on groceries
Today is my last final
Saturday should be a good time
My dogs are endlessly funny
And I have cute socks on.
At least he’s hanging out with me!
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December 13th, 2004 @ 1:48 pm
I love it when you feel fluffy
you should add that one to your list
December 13th, 2004 @ 1:29 pm
That makes me feel fluffy. =)
December 13th, 2004 @ 12:55 pm
5 Things I love about Erica:
1. She has a wicked sense of humor
2. She writes what’s in her heart
3. She has an incredibly generous heart
4. She has an incredibly poetic voice
5. She is strong and fragile at the same time
There are many more reasons but 5 seemed sensible.. I just want to say that we can never know if anything in permanent. We just have to follow our hearts and occasionally ignore our heads, and always hope for the best with no expectations.. Just know that there are people out there who care about your ups and downs and who choose to stick with you through them, because of the beautiful person that you are… You are loved.