To Bookend and Others
Posted on | March 21, 2005 | 1 Comment
Simmering sweetly, this rage bubbled beneath my smile. You see, the plane couldn’t be taken for such a wretch as I. The distance too far to traverse for something so unimportant. It’s the stillness, and a surprise online chat that brings this to the forefront. He tries to comfort me. He tries. But my bruises selfisly throb. My tears shamelessly fall, and my heart rages on.
Beat me up. Bind my hands behind my back and whip me mercilessly. But don’t disappoint me. That’s the death of such things as friendship and family. I can forgive a lot of things, because my karmic debt is not paid. But it was a moment beyond the grasp of such influence. You missed the candle-lit tumbling of words. I couldn’t see their smiles in the darkness as we clumsily fumbled. But I felt them there. Yours was missing. I felt that too. But in the rush of picture-moments, drunken dialing, and jokes by a well groomed fire, I could push you back…just like swallowing bile. It tasted that rich, that compelling. Now the house is still. I’ve refocused and found that beyond this disappointment is a boat load of hurt. I would give it back to you if I could. But I can’t, even now.
I realize life rages on beyond my street. Sometimes the airlines don’t connect. Sometimes 8 hours is just too much. Logically, your abscence makes sense. But, if you haven’t guessed by now; I’m not a woman of logic. I’m a woman of feeling. And I hurt. This is your doing. and yours. and yours……..fuck you for tainting my firelight with your indifference.
I’ll get over it. Forgive. Move beyond this momentary anguish and questioning. But I won’t forget. How can I when you didn’t even bother to show up for the pictures?
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Twit This!
- I can't tweet legibly apparently .. But I'm home and sleepy. Night night!
- Home and Noa
- On my way to the airport to head home. Yeah now I'm sad.
- This is my last supper with the fam! I love angel food cake! http://twitpic.com/2lq7ku
- In crap shape with my homework. But family time I'd more important right now. It's my last night with my daughter's family. I will miss them
- @amergina that sort of makes sense, but they should give you the option anyway. #technologyfail
- @amergina yeah I was afraid of that. Really stupid if you ask me... Since we are supposed to be reading pages and not locations #grrr
- Does anyone using the kindle app for the ipad know how to show page numbers instead of the location? #makingmeangry
- Bridezillas are amusing. #classy #karmasabitch #andsoisshe
- The Squarespace app for the iPad blows, and I can't edit posts from the browser #WTF #hazhomeworktofinish
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- Cat on Confessions
- Meow on Done and Done
- Claire on Done and Done
- Meow on I got a pen
- Sean on I got a pen
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May 16th, 2005 @ 11:44 am
my dearest other 1/2 – I’ve tried to let some time pass to hopefully clear the air a bit. I’ve been thinking about you and our bookend-ness very much and I would really like to talk to you… there is by far too much/many time, energy, emotion, memories, and STUFF between us to let it all go. I sure hope you feel the same… just think back to ohhhhhh… 1996 or so and go from there. Let me know when you have some time for me.. you are my bookend afterall and without your presence lately ive been leaning to the left!
i love you
-S / bookend