The cars hurried by as I lit another clove. Yes, I am still smoking. And in the moment between the smoky match’s mating with the tobacco, I realized a lot of things have changed in my little world.

The path before us seems set with purpose. There’s promise in the West. And in the East there are possibilities where trees could surround me while I surfed the net in a blanket. I’ve this image of my later years, hair silvery and short. D’s eyes will still glimmer with mischief, and perhaps we will have a pack of beagles rather than a pair. But the sun will set, and I will probably still be smoking in the summer sunset in the Spanish countryside. It’s an image that appeals. It stirs. It makes me long for tomorrow like I’ve never longed for the past. And hand in hand I know D and I will do it someday.

All that rushed over me in one moment upon my porch. I sat back, my foot warmed by an affectionate beagle, and inhaled deeply of this reality of mine. It felt good.

One of my old “roomies” from AOL contacted me last night. He and I last saw each other about three months before I moved here. It’s been a long, long time. But he’s going to be in Orlando this week, so I am going to try to meet him somewhere, at least for coffee. It’s funny to think of the girl he once knew, who craved attention (okay, I still do…shut up) almost more than drugs. Who needed sex not because it brought pleasure, but because for a moment, when the bodies ceased their shaking, she could find what peace felt like. He and I have traveled through the rooms in AOL’s perfect little world for a long time. He still visits the Florida room. My old roommate, who I also met through AOL was in that room last night. He thought of me and dropped me a line. There are moments where I miss that digital social scene. But I wouldn’t give up coffee and cigarettes for anything. The tangibles upon my porch fulfills me now. I think aol was comfortable for a while because I didn’t have to fully live in my own skin. I live there completely now. The imperfections I feared once, I almost embrace now. I wonder if he will still see Q (my handle) in Erica McEachern. I hope he finds a little of her in me…. but if he can’t, maybe he will like Erica more. Personally, I think she’s more interesting.