Damn those plans we made. The expectations we keep in clutched fingers that dare not let go…damn them all

I find myself at the same crossroads I was at before. Do I stay or do I go? No, this does not involve leaving David. He seems to be the only thing good that’s going on in my life at the moment (save the discovery of new and utterly amazing friends who bring light and positive motion to my sometimes stormy scene). The job is bullshit. I will just put it plainly, as I always do. There is nothing obtuse in my thinking. The management is crap and for a second week I got screwed. All days, one night, with Sunday off. But I find myself wondering if working for beer, gas and parking is really worth the effort of the smile and sweaty nose. It’s not. What next? Job hunting in force. I was mistaken when I believed that leaving the office enviornment was right for me. I need the structure, the well put together sentences that come from education and a lack of drugs. I am surrounded by drunks, young drunks that live for the night life and the unfullfilling sexual encounters that come with forgetting the stranger’s name that sleeps beside you. I did that. It was long ago. I’m no better than they are, I am just not keen on treading that path again. So fuck it. Time to find something 9-5 with weekends off and a guaranteed paycheck. I don’t like risk anymore. I don’t like the possibility of David having to support our whole unconventinal family. I will bring in money, even if I have to work at Target.

Mr. July and Chris just left. Each with their own destination. I have to say their company is more than welcome. Doug too joined our clan, although a touch earlier. Some enjoyed the angelcake left from dinner with David’s mother and grandmother. Chicken parmasean and pasta, with family is a good thing. Tonight I am blowing off homework to spend time with my man, who I owe sex every day for a month. Remind me not to bet on music videos again…….Sometimes I just don’t know when to shut up. =)