Frustratuion and pressure pound into me, leaving me groggy and sleepless. My brain is on overdrive, but stopping to stare at leaves seems to help matters a bit.

I don’t mean to be so bitchy. It comes with the self-inflicted pressure and the need to move beyond this quagmire. I know, I yap on and on about it all the time, but the truth of it is that we have this great house and I still feel like I don’t deserve it. I make shite money. I don’t bring in enough to make it work for us to make the bills. So he is stuck with all the payments for all the credit cards and the power and the other misc. crap…damnit someone hire me.

Talked with Miss Anne today before class. She is so grounded and seems to take life’s challenges with quiet strength. Next to her I feel bombastic and brutish. Her elegance and self respect really give her the air of put-together-ness (I know that’s not a word, but that’s the joy of having my own site… I can make things up as I go along). I really admire her and she reminds me that all will come in time. I just have to be patient…still a virtue I lack.

I really am tired. The bags under my eyes have blossomed into a full set of luggage, and I took someone’s head off at work today. I feel slightly guilty but they were wrong, and I was right. I know, that doesn’t make being a bitch justified, but she argued the stupid point (and it was really dumb, except that it cost me tables) and I just got so irritated I ignored her for the rest of the day… Tomorrow will be better….

I think the end of the semester is going to kill me… I swear.. I think I am going to go gray!!

Calgon!!! TAKE ME AWAY!

:: end whining session :::