Writing About It All

Posted on | May 22, 2004 | No Comments

Or just one thing. I never seem to be able to make my mind up….

I realized as I sat on the toilet, taking a leisurly piss, that I have not really written about the end of the end. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, not really. Things change. People grow (or regress) and the world keeps ‘a spinnin.
So what happened exactly? Fuck if I know. It started with an uncomfortable feeling in my belly when they tried to explain the madness in new found freedom. Then the sweetness in them I had always enjoyed and admired turned sour. Laughter was at the expense of others. It went on and on. Something irritated me here, bothered me there. The culmination came when the disrespect hit the fan. I can tolerate many things, but embarassment due to anothers’ indescretions is intolerable to me. I did my nasty deeds, long ago. Not something I am proud of, but they were something I learned from. So I walked around with a shamed, red face – the flushing brought upon by their lack of respect. That was the end for me. The phone rang once. I didn’t answer (I wasn’t home at the time) and I never called back. Was there really anything left to say? No. My silence says enough, I think. I do not want to beat them up with my version of the truth. Honestly, I don’t think they care all that much to begin with. So the vacancy in my life was examined, and I realized, I didn’t miss them much at all.

There are others who have come and gone, some with rapid succession. I realize this is the nature of the world. There is little permanence in relationships with humans. We are too flawed, too selfish, and too bloody fickle to make concrete out sand.

I don’t portray myself as perfect. No one can be. But even with my flaws I have some rules, and they were broken. So they join the ranks with Richard, Dennis, and the countless others I have let go of. It was fun while it lasted, but the movie always ends at some point.

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