If you don’t know my opinion then you probably don’t know me well at all.
I don’t see the point, at least not for me. A girl I worked with briefly told me that she married her fiance because she was in love with the idea of a big white wedding. Can someone really be that niave? (I know, pot calling kettle here) For me the choice is simple. I don’t want to get married. I love David more than I could ever have imagined, but our life together is solid, and I don’t need to garnish it with a nice shiny ring and a piece of paper. What would it change? Marriage seems to be more for those around the couple, rather than for the couple themselves. If you are together for a long time (more than 3 years) the expectations and nosey questions come. Hell, I started fielding them after less than a year from people.
“Well, why aren’t you two kids married by now?”
“Because I don’t want to be.”
“Ooohh. You mean he doesn’t want to do it?
“No. I mean I don’t want to do it”
:: disbelieving stare :::
Here’s what I believe. While marriage make sense for others, like my sister, I don’t need it to define what I mean to David and what David means to me. Nor do I really give a shit what other people think about it. Well, that’s kind of a lie. It bugs me that I have to justify it to the misunderstood. And you say, “Well, why do you feel you have to justify it?” Because I don’t want what David and I have to be percieved as cheap or broken. Non-marriage works for us. We like it this way. The joke fly freely regarding our imminent break up, but I know that we are no where near it at the moment. And if we did end things, while I would be crushed, I know we could do it in a mature fashion. (At least, I like to think I would be mature about it, but this whole maturity thing is new to me.) A piece of paper would not make his shy grins any sweeter, or his resounding laughter any more joyus. We have something that works. The next step? An eventual move. But right now things are moving along nicely. Maybe there will be a handfasting next summer. Maybe not. We haven’t decided for sure.
Before I get all kinds of nasty comments, understand what the handfasting would represent: a celebration of what we have together. Nothing more, nothing less.
My sister is made for the role of wife and mother. I don’t fit well with those titles. Partner. Beagle-mommy. Best friend. Comic geek. Video game dork. Loving sister. Those work for me.
May 24th, 2004 at 10:26 pm
And even the pointe of having to explain yourself almost seems to have gone too far…there shouldn’t be any reasons or explanations even upon our own minds as to why one picks to live a certain way. I understand exactly what you mean. I may even be the wife/mother/breeder type yet I think I have reached a level of realization that comes along with being an adult. Life isn’t about getting married, having children and owning a volvo.Life is what you make of it and that can be different that anyone elses. Even if you DID decide to do the deed. So be it and who should care. It’s YOUR life. And you are the one who has to LIVE it. Amen. (sorry for preaching
May 26th, 2004 at 9:34 am
Im sorry that I have been so anti-social lately. People suck.Erica, while I may be the person that enjoys being married and having children. Do your own thing! Who cares what anyone else has to say. I agree with you about it all. I, however, decided that if something were to happen to me, I would want him to be able to handle all medical, legal and other matters, not my mother/family (they are a bunch of crazy loons), so it was an issue of practicality for me. I envy you for being so outstanding and different from everyone else. You are truly a unique soul. I love ya. Keep pushing the envelope. you wouldnt be you if you did anything else.