Cancer and Classes
Posted on | December 14, 2005 | 7 Comments
He’s the quiet one. The funny one. The one who put colorful band-aids on my elbows and made sure that I understood the fragility and beauty of Nature. When I rebelled (I’m still not sure who I was rebelling against) and fell deeply into the piercing scene, it was his tears that propelled me into an understanding of what I had done to his image of me. I never wore metal in his presence again. He defended my friendships with different races and classes with a fierce vehemence. The person he “talked” to lived across the street, and when he left Gramps’s garage, he never crossed the street again. I never doubted his love for me, and it was his approval, more than almost anyone else’s that I sought to gain.
He’s got lung cancer. Mom sounded so exhausted when she told me. She’s tired of taking it in the face by the Fates. They’ve dealt her a shite blow this winter, with Rhonda (who is still in a coma) and now Gramps. Add my uncle being in jail, and we are just ready to have a party. I made her laugh, because that’s what you do with Mom. She started to cry behind the tears, but I made her laugh again. I think the smile stuck with her the second time.
I tried to call Alexis, and left a message for her to call me, but she never did. I don’t have my brother’s number right in my phone. I told Mom I would call him and give him the news. I will try again tonight.
I think I will write him a letter tonight. Maybe a poem. My poetry defeated a wicked case of breast cancer when I was sixteen, or at least that’s what Aunt Jonie told me. I will write him a poem, and perhaps it will help him focus on getting better.
My classes ended with all A’s. Actually I got an A- in Art, but I expected less so I am happy. Actually, I’m not happy. I could care less about my grades.
Tonight I will walk to beagles (because my calves are VERY sore) and look into quitting smoking. Frankie and I plan on quitting come Jan 1, so it’s time to mentally prepare.
If you are my friend, please support me in this. Do not give me even one drag after the first of the year. Don’t smoke around me. I don’t want cancer, and I want to keep my promise to David, and more importantly, myself.
I will focus on the mundane tasks for the day. That’s all I can do at this moment. One step in front of the other. I just realized how much this hurts. But I will work. I will go to Rollins and protest my late charge on a book I turned in on time. I will make dinner. I will walk. I will continue with things as they were before that phone call.
But I love you Gramps. Blessed Be.
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Recent Posts
December 14th, 2005 @ 10:28 am
Peace and Love be with you and yours.
Psychic hugs are on their way. No more smoking. I promise.
December 14th, 2005 @ 10:37 am
No more. all done. The end.
December 14th, 2005 @ 1:13 pm
positive energy is coming your way, you can pass it on if you need to or keep some for yourself.
I am so proud of you for quitting! Yeah for E…
December 14th, 2005 @ 1:16 pm
Go start a fire in your newly usable fire pit and have some happy thoughts. Consider the burning of 30 year old trees as a way to pass on all that need to smoke.
December 14th, 2005 @ 1:21 pm
LOL nice way of putting it Frankie.
Thank you Hollie. I think I shall take up knitting to keep my hands busy.
December 14th, 2005 @ 1:34 pm
you can knit me a baby blankie…
I chew gum like a mad person and you already know that I am addicted to Mentos.
try finding another creative outlet.. invest in some paint and canvas and see what your unique personality can turn out… you might surprise your self.
December 15th, 2005 @ 10:04 pm
I will also be joining you on the quitting smoking adventure…. since the news of Grandpa everytime I sit down to have a smoke I cannot get the image of him out of my head…. maybe god is trying to tell us all somthing and we just have not been listening…. I will spend the next couple of weeks prepairing for this adventure and getting all of my supplies ready gum, sanity, support, and we shall be on our way.