I will admit to keeping one out. It’s about my birthdaughter and was intended on being a private post. And it was from last summer. Some know the details, but I have no right to write about her in such a public setting if I am sharing such things.

But here are the rest. They are in a random order. The bold parts were the blog titles. Enjoy.

Day 4 – Leslie B. - I still think that painting had cows coming out of a gold sky, not more fucking angels. Pretzels, barefoot, and the same questions every semester. You make me miss school.

Little intrusions into our life – I am still quite annoyed that IE doesn’t have spell check. I sound like a moron, with all these typos (and apparently I spell lightning – lightening…. I dunno. It made sense).

My soul is whole – He’s home. We got a call from a nice guy who lives a few blocks away from us.

Tearing my hair out and sweating – I’ve been silent because I’ve been writing. It’s slow going, honestly. I spent many nights just sitting in front of my computer, trying to figure out what I needed the story to do. Then I lost my mentor’s e-mail address. It’s just been a fucking mess. The good thing is that I’ve got 30 pages due on August 10th, and I am starting a writing schedule. No more dicking around, god damnit (I’m in a cursing mood…. feh).Before you ask, no I’m not working. We will discuss that later. I would like to talk about my birthday. It fucking rocked. Alexis came down from Tacoma, C came over, and Amanda got to Portland that very day, so we all bounced downtown for some dinner. It was a good meal.

I’m awake before noon - I don’t know if WordPress (and my site for that matter) has changed the time when I blog, although its been so infrequent lately. But, ladies and gentle-dorks, I would like to talk about sleep. It’s three, sometimes four in the morning before I hit the hay. It’s weird to think that many of my Florida friends are already at work, or getting ready by the time I get to sleep. The sunset/sunrise times have also thrown me off. When we moved here, it wasn’t getting dark until after 9:45, and then the sun would rise super early

Privacy - There are some things that I think I need to hash out, mostly with myself. That being said, I’ve noticed an increase in traffic from “unknowns” and I know who, at least some of them, are. So, in order to protect those I love, I am going to lock a few things down for a while. There’s a lot of trauma in my family right now, strife between the members and things that shouldn’t be said out loud. I’m not closing my mouth at all, but I won’t allow my opinions to become ammunition against those I love. If there’s a locked post, it will have its usual password (if you don’t l know it — e-mail me).

The trip is almost over. Lex and I are in a hotel room in Idaho.

Running out - It’s official. I am out of meds. What to do? I’ve spoken with D about it and we agreed that I could go to walgreens and get raped for my lamictal, but the healthier (heheh… interesting how that works out eh?) option is to try to control my manic depression on my own. How? Diet, exercise, honest observation of triggers, making myself sleep and …and just trying to pay attention. I won’t go batshit immediately because I do have a decent buildup in my system, but the chemical protection will erode with time, and in about a month, I will be without any kind of chemical help. This wasn’t a choice I wanted to make. My insurance ran out with my last job, and I fluffed the system enough to give me a little leeway until we got to Portland. But, I still don’t have a job. So, no help with the meds. It would cost more than our car payment for my medications…. how fucking insane is that ?

I’ve not talked about grad school much here. I’m setting up a seperate (see: proper) blog for my book reviews and such. But I really feel lost sometimes.

Cutout - First day – I had first day of work jitters last night. Would they like me? Can I do the job? Do they have good coffee (my prior place of employment had shite coffee)? D called at 8:10, but by that time my two alarms had already interrupted my sad attempts to fall back to sleep. I stayed up too late, worrying. And so when the morning came, I wanted to go back to sleep, like I have been doing for months. But that was a no-go.

When I got to the office, coffee and water in hand, I was greeted by my boss, who we will call P, and the GM named A. I met everyone else, smiled, waved, and then almost fell out of my seat when P began dictating the list of things I had to accomplish. Then he left, and I realized, with shame, that I didn’t know how to do anythign on the list, so I started small and arranged my desk. It’s not that the job will be hard, because it won’t, but getting the hang of a new system of protocols, rules and regulations will take time.

Links - * The Ironman trailer — D’s excited. I’m less than thrilled. The flying scene does look really nice, but I don’t know about the rest of it.
* We watched the trailer for the Bionic Woman. I had high hopes (I still love Battlestar), but it looked like crap. The story was poorly executed and the characters felt super flat. I think that they should take their time developing the characters, because then it makes for a deeper connection. Perhaps these issues had something to do with the problems with the show. Then again — it could just be crap.

When it rains…. - Jeezus. So, it’s been a busy little trek through the life of me. On top of family issues, tension in the home, and conflicts/issues with extended family connection — welll I feel like I’m drowning.

I need valium - Or a stiff cocktail.

It’s snowing!! - I am cooking lunch, wearing my purple fuzzy socks and a smile. Oh, and clothes too. Perverts.

for me – I’m fucking angry, and I don’t think that I need to submit the rest of you to this, but there’s a lot that’s pissing me off right now, so this will be protected.

my family is pissing me off… specifically my stepfather. For the first timein my life I realized that I’ve never really had a father.

Ketchup… – Or catch-up. which ever you prefer.

The halloween party was a hit. I dressed up as a white trash preggers person, with curlers in my hair and all.

Do we still need animal testing? – And does it really work?

I don’t know, and am scared to ask, what kind of trails were used for my meds. There have been several cases recently where drugs

Is this fair? – I know that you still speak with the one that slighted me. And I thought that I was a grown-up about it, but I’m not. How can you even think to associate with someone who hurt a person you care about? Anne had it right — you should choose. I’ve tried to be the bigger person here, but I’m immature when it comes to this kind of thing. You are going to keep her in your life, keep contacting her although she took you for granted and used you. And it pisses me off to no end. Where is the loyalty? Why is this such a problem for me? And I know you will keep talking to her, no matter how fucked up that situation was. And I know that you will keep her around, and I know that it will effect our relationship because I don’t believe in supporting someone or being friends with someone who is such a cunt.

I told you how I felt about it. and perhaps I should be clear about things. Perhaps I should stop bullshitting you, but I’ve tried to be the bigger person and its not working.

Where you sleep – My sister wanted to sleep between D and I. I told her that the dogs already had that position — chastity beagles. She said she would “woof” if we wanted. My sister is twisted and she always makes me giggle. There was lots of family conversation last night, but the most important thing was the solidification of the plans for May. I am graduating in a few months. I am scared. But my family is going to stay at mi casa for the 5 days they are going to be in town. Cat’s trip is shorter than she first thought, but we are going to drag her and Jewlie to dinner at Babbos. (there will be no argument Cat!). I was very proud of myself yesterday. I bought a queen sized mattress for someone to stay on. I am planning ahead. Go me!

I accidentally put too much sugar in my coffee. Gah!

I have my first midterm today. These years, this point, so close to completion, I am fucking terrified.

Dark to Light:

On an introspective note – We are coming up on the 3 month mark until the move. The plans for homes and jobs and such are coming together. But I realized yesterday, I won’t see summer with Seemore. The other students at Rollins are talking about summer classes and bitching about the lack of Humanities cores available in the fall.

I thought about it while I drove – Do Conservatives write poetry? Does the Christian Right (wrong) find inspiration from writing verse or essays that are reflective or creative versus bombastic condemnation with poorly chosen metaphors?

Changes to come – I am learning a lot more about the abilities and possibilities with WordPress,

Walking on Sunshine – I called my mother, my daughter’s family, my sister, my brother, and a few friends and told them all about my good news. My birthdaughter seemed only slightly impressed. I was happy to hear that she’s no longer failing Science, and that she got an A in PE. Did I ever tell you how I used to get bad grades in PE because I wouldn’t dress out ? Seems the apple and the tree have something in common. The Birthdaughter and her mother are going to Australia on Saturday. I’m jealous. She offered to take me along.

Boogers and fleas - Good god. My head is killing me. K i l l i n g …. meeeeeee. I would like to crawl into a hole and die right now. It’s making my eyes tired. I’m nauseous. Does anyone have a drill so I can relieve the pressure? An axe? An exacto knife? please?

I’ve had this headache for two days now. It started before I left work yesterday, and although I love my Composite Novel class, I had to squint through the pain. I thought sushi would cure my ailment. It didn’t. I pouted for the rest of the night. It doesn’t help that the beasties has fleas.

So, I am going to whine now. Ready? You sure?

What you won’t hear - Mom called last night, just to tell me she was calling not to bitch. I talked to her the other night, and she did bitch. I don’t mind those conversations. I enjoy them, actually. Although she’s my parental unit, she’s also one of my closest friends, so it feels good when she calls to bitch. But you won’t hear me relay the details of those conversations. I wouldn’t know what to tell you. Our family, like so many others, has bumps and bruises and scars and imperfections and all those other nasties that no one likes to talk about. Through the addictions, denials, abuse and fear – we came to love each other, building around the scars, and coming up with something amazingly flawed but clean. Our conversations often analyze the bits of our family that don’t work.

She’s always questioning my meds. When I told her that I was taking myself off the Seroquel, she balked. But she doesn’t have to watch me tear through the fog every morning. She knows I’m not a morning person, but that shit adds a level of fuzziness that’s almost too hard to overcome. I think she fears for my sanity, but often forgets that I have D to remind me to eat and sleep and breathe and relax. Not that I am completly incapable, but it’s good to have that voice and embrace to stabalize things. But, you won’t hear us talk about her depression or her drinking.

Untitled - Search back, deep in those memories blurred by time. Think of ice cream and running barefoot in the street. What did the sun feel like when you were a child? When you carried little and understood even less.

*snicker* - So, they are trying to lock down the internets at work. First, they finagled with my Windows Media Player downloads, then they started blocking radio sites altogether. I find this amusing for two reasons. One: if you have any kind of creativity and you know how to use Google, then you can usually bypass this kind of crap.

Recap – I spent Friday on the couch. Why? Jager. Jager is evil and we are still not sure how many actual shots I had. But I had a lot of Blackthorn, and I laughed and cried a lot. The afternoon started off with a bang. I went to ABC and bought some wine, and then met the class at the Woolson House for the last class. We were supposed to have a read-around, and we did, but I pulled blog posts and cried because one was about my birthdaughter. I heard lots of wonderful stories, and one of my compadres, Kyle, read poetry. His words amazed me. You can’t buy talent like his. So, class started to end, and I felt the tears and emotion well up. I was okay until I hugged Dr. Dunn. She made me cry.

Full time veggie – It’s not hard being a vegetarian in Portland. Most restaurants don’t just accommodate, they take pride in their vegetarian options. If they don’t have something specifically for vegetarians, most are willing to rework a dish or two to satisfy us. I am a full time vegetarian. I had been for many years, a part time vegetarian. I would like to say it was a moral choice, and admittedly, it was to some degree.  But most of what kept me from eating meat was the amount of cash it took to make such dinners. And cleaning flesh, be it deboning chicken thighs, or cutting the gristle off a steak, grossed me the fuck out. The only thing I loved to cook and eat meat wise was bacon. Yes, I know it’s the french fries of the meat world – little (or no) nutritional value, full of fat and cholesterol.

But it tasted so damn good.

Coffee - Some rituals beg for a re-try. Julie, Cat and I used to have weekly coffee at the Barnies (now a Starbucks) in the plaza on Bumby and Colonial. We’d talk about relationships, school, etc. You know, the nice bs that makes friendships run. But Cat moved and that tradition died. Julie and I always intended to meet for coffee again, but we ended meeting at school, as that was the easiest place since we were both there so much. Last night Julie and I met back at the old Barnies and talked about the next 6 weeks. She’s due when we leave.

D would like this chocolate figure more than any other. I wonder if I can do this with dark chocolate? Hmmm..

the boxes build - My hand has hurt all week, and I don’t know why. I was hesitant to go back to the doc, because I know they would just say it is carpal tunnel, but there’s something really wrong this time. My grip is weak. My fingers are shooting with pain, not constantly, but its there. It is hard to type. I hate this.

With the futon gone, the front room is quickly becoming the center of the move. Boxes of books tower over boxes yet to be filled and it si all starting to scare me now. Things seem kind of uncertain. Did I mention that we have too many books? I haven’t been able to touch the other stuff, the knick knacks and whatnots, but there will not be enough boxes to contain it all. Dumpster diving is in my future…unless…. you know where I can find boxes. Do you?

We found more stuff to get rid of. I’ll post a list here.

Overheard - You gotta watch out for Jamaicans. They’ll shoot you. They ain’t got no remorse.

—

What was your GPA?

3.5 something

That’s crap!

Good morning headache - I feel all whiney. Gah!

D and I watched Pan’s Labyrinth last night. There’s a silly litte story about getting the movie (and I want the soundtrack!!). D, because he is the greatest husband ever, bought the movie for me last week when it came out. He thought he bought the two disk edition. The packaging was misleading and we found that he bought the normal versions.

Sore sore sore – I’m walking funny from Tuesday’s class, and tonight I am going to hop around like a monkey and try to stretch these aching legs of mine out.

Day 44 – 54 -  Regarding Families – I’m way behind with this, because of Grannie’s death and my inability to put fingertip to keyboard. This is the Meow playing catch up again. Deal with it

Day 44 -Dude from Jet Blue

I wrote down your name so I could tell Jet Blue how much you rocked. Your unusual name has been lost with a discarded boarding pass. Lex and I meant well.

Day 45 -Meredith

What a woman you are about to become. I see the bitchy tomboy in you, and understand why the fights with your brothers. Someday, everyone will grow up, and you’ll be friends.

Day 46 – Tommy

You remind me of my brother, gargantuan smartass. I see you trying to struggle outside the shadow of your brother. The Air Force will give you wings. Use them well.

Day 47 – Michael

Oldest, like me, so I’m allowed to say this. It’s time for you to grow up and show our family what you are capable of. You still need to earn “Bartz.”

Day 48 – Martha

I didn’t expect what I got. I admit I was wrong about you. While we are vastly different, there’s commonality. I’ve grown up and you’ve grown more tolerant. Isn’t’ it interesting?

Day 49 – Charlie

Aloof, but so proud of your wife. I cried when I watched you and Mom dance. Distant, but eager to share love and memories. And you have great taste in wine.

Day 50 – Riley

The little DJ, the sensitive, understanding, loving one. You have the best of our family in your heart. It’s going to be hard growing up, but remember your family loves you.

Day 51 – Zach

The big brother, smartass like the rest of us, tall, wicked grins, full of mischief and energy. You were a great host, and too entertained by the Garcia kids’ bad language.

Day 52 – Claire

Day 53 – Gramps

Day 54 – Marybeth

the outfit – The interview went really well. I’m not tooting my own horn, but interviews are my forete. It’s the resume shit that takes me forever to work out. But the company is teensy, and piggybacked on a larger company based in Canada. I would be working with a subcontractor

Bringing you up to date – Lots of things to talk about, but I’m focusing on the good stuff. I spent so much time bitchign about things that I (and others) can forget what grace is given to us.

Welcome to the beaglehouse – We got the house. We move on Friday. This is the bigger of the two houses, the one I was talking about on Friday. It’s very exciting, the whole moving thing. What isn’t so exicting is that the landlady decided she was going to try to pull her ass out of the fire and sell the house before the bank siezes it. Nice thing to do, but she sent over a realtor on Saturday with a prospective buyer. I thought she was comng.

Worried – I moved from Florida for a lot of reasons that don’t really need to be reiterated. The weather in Portland is gentle, nurturing, and rarely violent. And sometimes I forget how spectacular thunder is. But I won’t ever forget Hurricane Charley, ever.

Now Hurricane Gustav is roaring in the Gulf, heading for Cuba, and some of his rain bands are effecting Central Florida – where I still have friends and family. There won’t be a direct hit on our old stomping grounds, but the bastards is headed for a direct confrontation with Louisana, and especially New Orleans.

Close the door - And in the final throes of insincerity and lack of compassion, I listen to people in my office talk about how Spanish is an offensive language, and that the inclusion of foreign languages in American society is a result of lazy immigrants. Of course, they didn’t say such with any word more than two syllables and in a dictionary for lazy American speakers with little education and narrow minds.

Today, I am glad that I am leaving. Friday can’t come fast enough. In a panic, although I gave my notice a full month ago, the office is swirling around because there’s a shit load of work on my desk and not enough time to do it in. I tried to care, I really did. But the nazi, who gave me a card some months ago telling me how proud she was of me, pushed herself into my peripheral vision and refused to say anything to me until I pulled the headphone out of my ear. I’m not classically organized. I know where most of my stacks are and what they mean. I don’t have labeled folders and tabbed files. Piles work for me. She’s always been horrified by my lack of “organization.” Well have fun, lady. You can hire whomever tickles your pickle. But I would love to be a fly on the wall when I go. They will talk the most heinous shit. I’m not going to be here to intimidate, bully and protect. It’s easy to kill the memory of me. It’s harder to do it to the person. But I’m not concerned. I did my best to be a good person. It didn’t work all the time, but I tried.

What I won’t miss

• The continual comments about the inferior nature of the immigrant populous and how they are polluting our society — you know what, motherfucker? Go work on a roof in Baldwin Park, send most of your money back to your family, and work every day from sunup until sunset, and then bitch. Add insecurity of being in a foreign culture, of being looked down upon, and then tell me your attitude is justified.
• Defending my vegetarianism and belief in animal rights —- I don’t care if you hunt animals.

One more nail in the coffin – Talked to the overlord/property manager last night. I swear to god, baby jeezus and all those fun-loving saints that this woman only likes to talk to me and hates D. Which is strange. I’m the bitchy one in the family. Anway, our conversation went well. She needed an end date for our lease, and in a surprising move of generosity, never made us sign an addendum for the extension. I guess living there for three years, paying our rent on time, not freaking out when the roof got shorn to shit in Hurricane Charley, fixing things without bothering them and not pissing off the neighbors has payed off. I also asked her for a recommendation, because as much as it chaps my ass, we are going to have to rent when we get to Portland. Logistally, it makes the most sense. But she has an end date now, and I’ve promised smiles and cooperation. It’s not smart to leave things on bad terms, even when she did show up that one time, unannounced. That visit cost us 350 bucks! It’s hard to hide a second beagle. My parental units are overlords property owners, so I should know better. Oh well. I just hope they don’t try to bleed the rock dry when we move. We can’t afford it.

Snips of an update – This is going to be in bullet form because I’m  still working my assy off and trying to get everything done while working full time. What a pain in the ass! (but a good one)

• Wool Coats – I thought we were headed for the heart of autumn, D and I hunted for winter coats. We bought some half assed coats last fall and froze through most of the cooler weather. This time I found a great wool coat that complements my womanly figure. I love it. It’s heavy, black, military inspired, but more fashionable. I think all that time off watching “What Not to Wear” really rubbed off on me.
• I Heart my iPhone – D and I did what irresponsible people do and finally switched phone companies with that 2k check I received from Rollins. I have wanted an iPhone since they came out, and by George, we got em. And it is as spiffy and groovy as I thought it would be. The funny part, in a not so funny kind of way, is that the functionality that I ached for – being able to check e-mail, facebook, websites, without detection, is an unnecessary thing now. My current employers don’t give a shit where I go to, as long as I get the job done. But it’s good to have the capabilities with GPS. I’ve already used it once …..while on my bike…. and no, you are not allowed to laugh.
• The Job – so I think I already stated that I took the job with the laid-back solar company. If you got creative, you could figure out which one it is, suffice to say, I love it. It’s so fucking busy that I get there  and I get to 11 or 12 and realize I haven’t finished my coffee, my apple or all the phone calls I need to make. Laid back is not EVEN close to the truth there, but for all their laid back ways, they are very serious about the business. There is also a shop dog – Brutus, who is a springer spaniel. He’s my work boyfriend. Overall it’s really unorganized (which is why I got hired), laid back, bike friendly, and the easiest commute of my life. And the people, I love the people so far. I think a few of them could become good friends.
• Biking – I have biked to work, and got lost trying to come home. Yes, only me. Suck it. I can’t bike this week due to the monthly rebellion of my uterus, but I will get back in the saddle shortly.
• I’m on Googlemaps – if you google my address, go down my side street, you will see me sitting on the porch, smoking. It’s from last summer. Just to make sure, I had Streetview slide down the street a little further, and sure as shit, there was our car. I don’t know why, but it amused me.
• The Green Microgym - I joined a gym, but one with a special twist. Go to the link, and you will see what I mean. It’s about 20 blocks from the house, an easy bike ride, and I plan on taking advantage of their REALLY killer hours. The Owner, Adam, was super nice and very excited about the battery systems on the bikes. When I told him I worked for a solar company, we kind of geeked out about watts and whatnot. I’m a total dork, but I thought it was right to support a local business trying to make a difference. Besides, I got in on the introductory deal and my membership is less than 30 bucks a month for the life of the membership. How can I go wrong?

I didn’t do it.. – I didn’t watch the debate. I should have. Then I could participate in all the great conversations everyone is having today. D and I went to the Blue Moose on Fremont and had our normal Wednesday dinner. We were the only ones in the place. I think most people watched the debate. But I didn’t have to! I have Twitter! I watched everyone’s reaction while I munched on my dinner and drank my wine. Honestly, I meant to record it, but what’s done is done.

My BIL is leaving for an overseas tour a lot sooner than expected. He’s not a front-lines kind of guy, but he will be in danger. The whole fucking region is a war zone and scares me. She’s being the stoic air force wife, knowing she will have to rally without him. We joke, because D and I have a hard time being apart. when I go away for school, it’s difficult. We are joined at the forehead. But Lex and G are fine, moving through the relationship wiht all the bumps and bruises that come with deployment.

Keeping it positive - My job – I am a part of something bigger. The standards by which most people measure success would not apply with this job. The pay hasn’t pissed me off yet, but I haven’t gotten my first paycheck. I know, soon, I will get moved into more responsibility. Right now, I’m treading water, but it feels good. My coworkers are all very different from places I’ve worked before – they are cynical but hopeful, funny but dark, and always prone to blaming something on “your mother.” There are very few people in the office most of the day, but those people make me laugh. And I found out the woman they hired before me bailed after day 2. I kind of understand. The place isn’t organized. And I lost sleep the first few days. The rhythm of chaos feels strange to me. There are no protocols on how to do things, no lists, no set of parameters. While on one end, it’s freeing, I realize I like structure, which is weird to admit. I started today less filled with panic, and took a risk by taking charge. It’s working for me, and the office. At least, no one’s bitching to my face yet.

Biking to work – Today, I biked to work. And it took me ten minutes to get there. It took me almost a half hour to get home though. I was carrying a bag, riding with wind, and going up a big frackin’ hill. D told me I will get faster, and I know I will. Start small. It’s the best place to start.

Cold Toes… – It’s lovely today.

**** Okay so this is going to take a couple days to finish. But that’s the start of the housecleaning. More to follow later. I hope you had a lovely new year

I am super-duper, wholly and completely pissed at Bethesda and Fallout 3. There is some wonky-ass problem with the camera. It’s supposed to be a FPS, but I am stuck in 3rd person. Now, I’m fine playing in 3rd person if the camera would behave. But I can’t aim for shit, I can’t move the character around without thunking into walls and getting stuck behind things. People, I haven’t gotten to the first little town yet. I am still stuck near the door to the outside world all because the fucking camera won’t cooperate. It’s like a petulant child throwing a tantrum who refuses to exit the store in a civil and non-obnoxious way. D felt bad for buying me a “broken” game, and I will admit to being overly frustrated. It’s not his fault. It’s Bethesda. And I’m not the only one screaming. But for now, the game will sit until a patch is released.

Little Big Planet is so much fucking fun! It’s silly, colorful, and full of whimsical and imaginative imagery. The gameplay is quite intuitive, but there are a few annoying bugs with the physics system that I noticed, and it wasn’t as easy to move forward and back within the depth of a level. But overall, the music, the whimsy, the really cute gameplay brings a smile to my face. And, it works (novel fucking concept). I was surprised at how easy it was to slip from the main game into worlds created by other players. And let me say, the players are damn creative. I played one level that was modeled after PacMan! Brilliant stuff. When I returned back to my little box (the start menu, for all purposes, although you can decorate your little box), someone followed me, and then followed me into another game. I think I will accidentally bump into a lot of people playing this game, and I am totally okay with that. The more the merrier

But right now, the game that has me wrapped around its magical blade is Fable II. The game is magnificent. The magic/fighting systems are a seamless mesh of fucking cool. There are some wasted elements, some spells that are just pedestrian and lacking in any kind of brilliance. I think my favorite spells are the time spells, which can either stop time around the character or be used as a weapon, and pushes you through the enemy dealing damage. The game itself is tons of fun, but I was super excited about the mutliplayer, and unfortunately, that is where it falls short. My sister and I love to play games together, and I was excited when I found out that you could join other Fable players’ games. We were both a little disappointed to find out that you had to regress to some genera-character to enter into a friend’s game. Okay, fine. But each time she tried to select one of the three women offered as a character, she ended up with the same pink-swathed goody two shoes with blond hair. She, of course, made up for it by scaring the shit out of all the villagers in my town by trying to stab me. We are siblings, after all. I would have less of a problem with the limited aspect of a joining character if the camera wasn’t such a lazy bitch. I would be exceedingly happy if it split duty between the two of us, and didn’t get stuck around corners when we are in a tight room battling something with big teeth and a taste for my scarred and tattooed ass (of course my character is tattooed! Who do you think I am?). The co-op system leaves much to be desired, and the sad thing is, I have FUN when she and I are running around killing beetles together. I love the cooperative nature of many current gen video games, and it makes me sad that Fable didn’t live up to expectations.

Then again, they could release a patch and make it all better. Who knows. I still like Fable the best of the three.

And why am I writing about video games on this monumental day? Because I’m nervous, anxious, and liable to puke up my Wheat Thins (lowfat, thankyouverymuch) if I keep thinking about the election, even if it is ALL I obsessed over for the past two years. D and I are planning on going to the Doug Fir to meet some friends for the election party, but part of me wants to stay home with that bottle of David Hill Merlot and stew on the couch.

I just have one more thing to say: GO OBAMA!

And drool….

• The Best Compliment – I finished Calie’s critique way late. I’ve been way late for most of this term, either to to emotional issues (it’s hard to write about hope when you don’t have any), technical issues, or life issues. The thing I’ve realized is that no matter how shitty my life gets, I can’t drag her into my mess. She deserves a good crit partner, and since we decided to go as a 2 person team, I’m all she’s got school wise (beyond her fucking amazing mentor). I sat down, over the course of several days, and critted the hell out of her story. I love the premise, and the world. I think she and I have similar problems in getting into a deeper POV, but she’s got an amazingly twisted mind and a fluid writing style. I read the submission all the way through several times so that I could digest things properly. When all was said and done and I turned it in to her, I waited for the e-mail saying “Moody, you bitch! Can’t you do this well?” but what I got was “You are the best crit partner ever.” She understand that my inclination to pick out things and ask questions is not beating up the story, it’s about dissecting it to make it a better story. It feels really good when someone understands and appreciates your intentions
• Going to #Wordcampdx tomorrow - I’m painfully nervous. I won’t know anyone, but I am braving the wilds anyway. What is it? Look and see. I hope to meet some interesting people, learn more about the abilities of WordPress, and figure out how to make my writing site more interesting. I’ve been on MoodayMeow since 2003 in some ideration or another, but if I plan on becoming a professional writer when I grow up (which will be when I turn 50, I’ve decided… I have a few years) then I need to establish a professional, interesting web presence. And I love social media, so joining my blog and twitter or the other technology crack I’m addicted to — it’s good stuff. Oh! And there’s a copyright section! I had plans to put parts of my book up, but worried about copyright. Hopefully this will answer some questions. It’s an all-day event, and it won’t leave me much time for editing my own writing, but the deadline’s not till Tuesday. I should be okay.
• I had more to write, but I’m crazy busy. Maybe tomorrow?

I used to love this show. For some reason, I thought about Grannie when I watched it, but I think that’s just beacuse it “took place” in Florida and Grannie also had a fondness for interesting earrings. She had some of the funniest lines on television at the time… RIP

Please please please watch. Even D thinks it’s funny and he hates musicals.

Miss C showed me my birthday present yesterday It’s freaking beautiful. I don’t know the artist’s name (help me out C!!) but once I take a picture you will love it. It’s a print by a modern artist who took the “Last Supper” by DaVinci and turned it on its ear. It’s the last supper in McDonalds. Trust me, it’s fucking amazing.

While wandering around Portland, in search for a place to satisfy my Duny collecton, Miss C found this place, and we’ve been going there ever since. They have a gallery where they show modern artists, and that was where we found this person. It’s a great place. The staff are really nice (especially the guy in the gallery that we talked to) and they have Dunys. It’s a happy place.

I’ve blanketed Portland with my resume. I haven’t written much at all because I’m so freaked out about the money, but my job right now is to write the novel, work out, and get the doggies in better shape. Valentine’s thing will work itself out. We will do what we have to do, but for now, I need to write, apply to 3 jobs that interested me, and then get some serious writing done. Oh, and I am due to head to the library because my mentor assigned me a few books.

D and I are going to see the Dark Knight tonight. I can’t wait.

Hope your week has gone well…..

I’m joyful.

The plans for the week are pretty tight. Lots of work, not enough time. But hey, its’s life. And congrats to Cat on her new car. I love the color.

Tonight is BATTLESTAR (you can watch the whole episode online right now, I think). Dood…. I’m such a geek, so I’ll link you to a few things.

• Here is an 8 minute recap of the first 3 seasons. It’s actually really informative and kind of funny.
• The Coolest fucking T-shirt ever….  But really, only if you are a Battlestar dork.
• Wired did a short piece. They also interviewed Six….
• An interesting interview with Ron Moore. He seems like kind of a prick when doing his podcasts, but I admire his vision. It’s going to be a good season.

I’m having a hard time with the sanity lately, and I am sane enough to understand that there’s an issue (Ignorance is truly bliss…I used to act nutso and didn’t give a shit what happened later….fucking conscience). Not working out as much as I should, I admit, but I’m alternately exhausted and then wound up so tight it feels like my head is going to explode. I’m reactionary…..at work. This is not boding well for my career with my company. The paranoia that comes with mania for me is getting worse, so I’m just trying to keep my nose clean. Tonight, I will get on my trainer before I do anything else, and I will try to calm down. There’s more writing to be done. My muse is sometimes amused when I’m manic, but more often than not I spin my wheels and wonder why the fucking novel won’t write itself.

Speaking of the weekend. Miss Amandapants is taking us to a rugby game! Wh00t! I’m excited. I’ll take pictures for you. I’m sure there will be blood, and that’s a good thing, no?

Hope you are having a Happy Flyday.

So, have a happy Thursday. Oh, and if you have on-demand, look for the Battlestar stuff. There are two short specials that aired. I think it would surprise you to know who actually watches the show.

And yes, the geeky Battlestar stuff is going to get worse as the show progresses. I have to admit….I’m smitten

Today I’m off to Battle Ground for a meeting, and then I get to work on paperwork for the rest of the evening. My coffee hasn’t kicked in yet and it’s sleepy time with the soft gray sky and the lulling patter of rain. I should be in bed.

Happy Hump Day!

I heart Battlestar. I think absence makes the heart grow fonder or some such nonsense.

I’m writing this as I cook peppers and onions. D starts with Nike tomorrow! HURRAY!

We got some great news this week. D just took a 1 month contract from Nike for some work. We are so freaking broke right now, it’s not even funny, so this is a great break for us. It’s just contract work, and a limited term at that, but it’s something and it will keep us in tofu and heat for one more month. After that, it’s back to the grind of finding jobs. As for me, I’m blanketing Portland with my resume, but nothing’s come of it yet. As many times as I’ve rewritten it, I thought I would have a bite by now, but it’s all for nothing. I’m hopeful some of the recent positions I applied for will pan out. Gotta keep the chin up, that’s all we can do.

It snowed on Saturday!. Yeah, it was for 5 minutes, and nothing stuck on the ground — but I live somewhere it snows! How freaking awesome is that? Mt. Hood is blanketed by the snow now. I wish we had the money to go skiing (and the car — Vader won’t make it up the mountain without snow tires) , but that’s for next year.

We saw the Golden Compass on Saturday. I will just tell you that I loved it, and I haven’t read the books. D didn’t care for it and he’s read the books. He said the movies lacked the depth of the novels, and that we were spoiled by Peter Jackson’s interpretations of the LOTR novels . I didn’t care. I had a lot of “holy shit that was cool” moments, and I left the theatre happy. They played the Narnia preview – I hated the first movie. I won’t see the second.

So, I’m still cat-sitting. Bax and Margo are in my very lovely basement, chillin out with the fluffy pillows and blankets and every single cat toy in my house. They are here because Bax was taking out his anger at Amandapants on her clothing and peeing on her bed. We thought the basement would be easier for them. They’ve been there before, when Amanada moved to Portland, and because it’s not their home territiory, I didn’t think they would be as apt to show their displeasure. I was wrong. I went downstairs yesterday morning. Both a shoe box and my empty laundry basket had piss in them. Then I woke up this morning to find Valentine pissing in my sink! WTF? It’s nearly kitty death time.

Okay, now that I’m caught up on stuff, I eagerly await the arrival of miss C and Amanapants so that my crew gets back in town.Have a great Tuesday.

We’ve noticed chalk writing creeping down the familiar streets of our neighborhood, and then the writing came to our door. (I took pictures, but I will upload them later).

And by the way, if you have certain jobs, you could be more prone to depression. I should tell my brother about this. Maybe he’ll get out of the service industry.

This is soooo damn cute. I’m easily amused.

I finishes all of my critiques. Some of them were good, and some of them were painful to read. I am amazed at how muddled a story can become when people are rushed. Admittedly, I suffer the same fate when I push things to the end. So, I am writing ahead of time now, trying to get the best draft possible now, and not at the last minute.

For all you Florida people, today is the most amazing fall day in Portland. It’s clear and cool and beautiful. The sun is out. A sweet wind kisses the air, and I can smell the savory scent of burning wood from fireplaces throughout the neighborhood. My pictures can’t do today justice. I won’t even try.

That’s all from the west coast. Perhaps tomorrow I will be more inspired to write, but I’m waiting for D to get home so we can finish watching the Heroes dvds (I’m a junkie) before starting on the new season. I’m such a nerd-burger

I lost my son to a war I oppose. We were both doing our duty. The idea that saying anything against the war is a crime against the troops, well that’s just a tactic our government uses to get us to shut the fuck up. This is a beautifully written piece. And it’s illuminating.

And I won’t shut up anymore.

Speaking of war.. I found this via Digg. I am amazed by the moronic comments made by the talking heads we call newscasters. She needs to go back to that morning show she had and let the real newsmen and newswomen take the news back from ignorance and entertainment. Gah!

Another Digg find. …but I am embarrassed to say that I know a lot less than I should. And I’m headed to grad school! For shame!

Are you aggressive? Yes? then you shall get laid!

What happened on the day you were born?

And……. that is why I hate being short, by the way. D and I are totally not in sync when it comes to carrying things. And I am too chicken shit to wear my platform shoes because I am painfully clumsy. Gah!

And now, a list for Hollie (hehehe).

• D and I are giving the car to Mom on Saturday
• D and I are giving the bookshelves to Julie on Saturday
• D and I are heading to Anne’s (with some plants) on Saturday
• I have to clean up the front yard.
• The beagles already miss their futon.
• I have gas.
• I am pmsing
• I have a headache
• The planted onions make me happy.
• I have to clean/write my resume
• I didn’t get any responses to the houses I contacted in Portland
• I wanna frickin house already.
• D and I are going to see Pirates on Friday
• “To err is to Human…. To Arr is to Pirate“
• That is the best shirt ever.
• Okay…not the absolute best.
• “This t-shirt hides my cold robot interior“
• That’s my favorite shirt.
• I am tired of this attitude about the gay lifestyle.
• I can’t donate blood because I lived in Germany
• Sometimes, I am ashamed to be a part of this country.
• (No – that was not an article about the war, so chill out).
• Yay for the tortoises!
• I need a “native birds of Oregon” book.
• I have (thanks to Frankie and Cat) the dog lover’s guide & a guide to vineyards.
• I’m going to take the beagles and get drunk.
• And now, I am going to revel in my headache and swim in my coffee
• PIRATES COMES OUT TOMORROW
• YYYYYARRRRR!
• (I need a parrot, a peg – leg and a hook…. really… but only a stuffed toy parrot)
• Sometimes, people surprise me with their generosity and frank observations.
• I think its best to be thankful for what I’ve experienced here rather than to remain bitter about the conflicts.
• I think, in spite of it all, that I’ve grown at as a person due to my job and I will take away the best of those experiences and I hope that people I worked learned a little something from me, even if it’s just how to unjam the copier or install printer drivers.
• I’ve learned a lot from them…

I’m D’s model for his art class. He’s been snapping shots of me, posing like a dork, or sitting solemnly. What I’ve come to realize recently is that I’ve gotten fat and aged. It’s disheartening and depressing. It didn’t help that I thumbed through old pictures when I cleaned out my closet. The weight thing continues to be an issue. All I can do is change it, but it feels impossible sometimes. I say this all the time, but damn, I just get bummed.

I’m starting to pack things up. The first mountain to tackle- the books. I am guesstimating, but I believe when we pack up all the books, it will take the same space as our couch. That’s a shitload of space, if you were wondering. After digging through shelves (I stacked the books two deep because I ran out of room) I found: Julie’s Harry Potter books, the Dogfather’s Superman books (I need to get those to you), and I discovered some comics that Frankie lent me in my closet. I packed four boxes of books. Although I promised not to give any books away, there are more than a few that I got for free when I worked at Borders that I no longer want. Donations, anyone? I think we are going to cull the comics collection as well. I bought tons of comics and now they just take up space. I may not get rid of all of them, but I think most are going somewhere. Donations, anyone? The next thing to tackle in terms of packing – D’s closet of doom. A few scanners, Cds, art supplies, computer books and a dead body or two, his closet has it all. Donations, anyone? Hehehehe….seriously though – we have a pimp scanner that works like ass with the Mac, so we want to get rid of it….

After drunken Karoke on Friday night (more on that a little later), we recovered only to go to a party. Leslie is an art adjunct a Rollins. She taught my very first class – Art 101. I love her personality, and her irreverent nature, and that she didn’t take things so seriously but she still made you understand the gravity and brilliance of art. She likes to teach barefoot and mock the saints. But, I remember so much about the art and I think that is due to her teaching style. Over the years, we’ve become friends. When I got an invitation to her Spring gathering, I thought it was a party for her students. I checked the e-mail list and recognized a name or two. I thought the rest of the people were her new students, ones have taken her since I was in her last class. D and I were about an hour late. I had to finish cleaning my living room. We bought some wine and headed over to her houes. I was shocked when I stepped into the living room. Screaming kids – gobs of them – raced through the kitchen, onto the front porch and out the back door. Then I saw the adults. I didn’t recognize anyone. Her Spring gathering was not for her students, but for her friends. At first I was apprehensive. What in the hell do I have in common with middle aged mothers and members of her book club. But, as always, D and I made friends with the guy who likes video games. He is the father of two little girls and lives within walking distance from us. We geeked out, talked about games and living in our neighborhood and the trails and tribulations of the hurricane. Then I got into a discussion with another Rollins adjunct (I forgot her name…I’m so bad with names). D and I were some of the last ones to leave, but I had a wonderful time. Leslie made lots of veggie food and even took the time to cut the veggie stuff on a different cutting board, so as to keep it free of meat-taint. It’s wierd to transition from a student to a friend, but I am so glad we went. The only bad thing — she gave us a ginormous bottle of wine when we left, which we finished in our living room. Bad idea. We just don’t know how to say no. It was fun though.

D and I watched Superman Returns last night. It kind of sucked. The pacing felt off, lagged at some points and rushed through on others. The guy who played Superman looked the part, and I enjoyed his performance. Parker Posey and Kevin Spacey also did well. Elements of the film really worked for me, but it didn’t seem to fit together cohesively. It was good popcorn fare, but far from my favorite.

We went to Big Daddy’s on Friday to celebrate my admittance to grad school. Ginny and Amanda met us there, and Jenny and Heather joined the fray. I found it hilarious that Heather and Amanda have such horrid taste in music. They love 80′s rock. It’s just scary. The conversation went from make up to moving to graduation and back to booze. I had such a lovely time, and I sang again. Someone should really stop me. My voice sounds like a screaming cat trying to sing opera. Yeah, good stuff. But the beers were lovely. I tried a new beer: Spring Heat (doesn’t that sound like a porno name?) We bebopped to the music, marveled at the good singers (there were more than a few) and laughed and loved that tiny guy that sings “My Way” every Friday night. I can’t even begin to explain how adorable he is.
What in the hell is up with this weather? It’s cold and rainy today — the high is 62. Did someone forget to tell the Elements that it is spring? Not that I mind. I love this stuff, but I started to put away my warmer clothes and then had to pull them back out again.

So, that’s it for me. I’m planning my trip to PA in June, and trying to find a good cheap flight. I am going to rent a car while I am up there. That means I will get lost. I hate getting lost. I get lost everywhere. I need a personal navigator, and I am soooooooo not kidding. After talking with a few people, I realized that I didn’t explain the Seton Hill thing properly. It’s a low-residancy program, which means that I fly up to the school once a year – for a week, and the rest of my studies are online. It’s the perfect blend of face-time and distance. I think it’s going to rock.

And now I have to listen to my geeky podcasts and run a report. I wish I was on vacation.