Moody Meow

I have struggled to pull anything of worth out this term. In order to plant a new garden of hope and prosperity I need to dig out the weeds. So these weeds, the tragedies of my life, are coming out….
Read the rest of this entry »

I just want to say that I am glad Peter Jackson finally got his due. I personally think this film was fantastic, and deserves all it won tonight. I realize that the Academy Awards are a bullshit popularity contest, but if these awards allow film makers to challenge the way things are done, then the film making world is a better place.

Finding Nemo sucked….but I’m glad Pixar won and not Disney.

It’s no surprise that I think such morbid things. No, this is not a plea for help nor a declaration of my imminent departure, but I want to understand the source for such destructive thought.
Read the rest of this entry »

It’s more than just the job. I am relinquishing my auto-pilot ways and my need to work. The responsiblity remains and I admit that my stomach hurts at the thought of the financial burden I am laying upon David. But, I got sick. This place made me ill, so I had to let go. I have heard nothing from Rollins, not a good sign. And that started making me sick too. It’s all this craziness that happens all at once, it stirs up the silt and leaves me unable to navigate the dark waters of the month of March.
Read the rest of this entry »

11:00 AM - Rollins Financial aid
I wore the suit, my hair done.
Drove the car…and
Read the rest of this entry »

It was an unexpected weekend. It was a good time. I found out things about my love, things that I never realized, and I am warm hearted. Friends joined me in the utter destruction of my diet, but it was worth it. This week has been a roller coaster, popping me up and yanking me down. I’m sore, but clearly blessed.
Read the rest of this entry »

That’s what my brain feels like today. So much going on and it’s all so fast! We saw the Nebraska house, and I am offically in love. We would have the money if I hadn’t screwed up my tax return. Who knew that switching the last two numbers on my bank account would fuck things up so badly? So, we really don’t have the cash to do the deposit. Then, like a lightening bolt, I was struck with a great idea! Ask the bosses for an advance on my check!! They were totally cool with it, and handed me 1/2 my pay as an advance on the last pay period. That totally rocks! AND!!! Fucking get this, I have a phone interview with Rollins on Friday! It’s because the boss called and spoke with the head of Financial Aid. The tide is turning… i can feel it!

I have been exploring this idea of choice. It clanks around in my brain like a marble in an empty soda can. It’s such a simple word. Six letters, three vowels. It is defined as: the act of choosing, selecting. Simple concept, weighty results.
Read the rest of this entry »

Goofy couple with a beagle and a Valentine seeks funky older 2-3 bedroom house for semi-permanent union. Must be pet-friendly, with fenced yard and no carpet. Prefer fireplace, porch and central heat and air.
Read the rest of this entry »

We left Loki with his family on Friday night. It was not a good thing. There was a nice show put on for us, but as we left I realized that we had probably made a mistake. But, it was the right thing to do. That phrase is such bullshit. I still don’t think it was the right thing for Loki, or Bailey as they called him. Was there something specific that drove me to this feeling? No, I am going strictly on animal senses. His parents were dumb. “I thought when I fixed him, he would calm down!” This is a beagle, you frizzy haired bitch. We let her know that leather collars work wonders for beagle escape artists, but I doubt she will heed our advice. I left there disgusted, and lost myself in a Margarita and tears on my couch.
Read the rest of this entry »

Found Loki’s owner. We are dropping him off on the way to dinner. Makes me very very sad.

Frankie beat the evil forum nasties!! Those rotten bastards! I’ll show you!

I gave my notice today. My last day will be March 4th. Yay for me!! So, I quit the day before I head to Colorado. All is well in my world.

Loki and Puck are getting along wonderfully. Val’s hiding in the office. I found a house that looks PERFECT for us. (should hear back from the property manager on Tuesday) I have an interview on Tuesday morning. I think we are going to be okay!

I know there is something we were supposed to do tonight but I can’t remember what it was…. Damn. It’s all those drugs I did in the 90’s.

I wrote it. And while the intention was to give it to them, my smile sweeping the sunshine from their lives, I realized that was childish. So, I threw it away. I am not going to tear myself down to a level where it is all about money. My life has never been defined in such limiting terms. So I am doing the right thing. I will give them a clear reason for my departure, 3 weeks notice, and wish them well. The bridge, while it may be satisfying to burn, will remain intact. That’s just the smart thing to do.
Read the rest of this entry »

He’s got hazle eyes, a tricolor, fixed and a really cute disposition. David found a beagle wandering in the woods/park that where he eats lunch. He was wet and had no collar, so David brought him home. The little boy is about 1/2 Puck’s size, but has the same predominantly black markings. He doesn’t have the striking white markings but his eyes are amazing. And they seem to like each other. However, the little beagle doens’t know what to make of Valentine, so I have my kitty resting in the bedroom away from the howling monster.

I really hope we find his parents. I didn’t want to take him to Animal Control, they don’t do shit to find the parents. So we are going to take care of the little thing and put up flyers to see if we can find his family.

He’s a pretty boy, so if we don’t find who he belong with, then I have my pack of bagels and my life is complete.

I have to go to 2 Master classes this month. I thought this was going to be an issue, but the bosses just said “yeah” and moved on with the conversation. I was all ready for a fight, to lay the ultimatum down. They deflated my argument, and in a sense, I am relieved. The end will come, but I want it to come on my terms.

Rode to work behind a dildo in a H2 this morning. Those vehicles offend me. They are so gluttonous. My scooter would fit into the back of one. So would my dog, cat, boyfriend, apartment….you get the gist. There is this website that I have been trying to contribute to for months now. I am carrying my camera with me everywhere. But it’s hard as hell to catch a pic of an H2 from the back of a Vespa. It’s do-able, but I don’t want to get into accident number three.
Read the rest of this entry »

I should know better, and so should he, but we went anyway. The comfy seats caught us, and in a moment, we found a friend.

I don’t remember her stripper name, but I believe she called herself Becky. A mere twenty one, she smiled and graced us with her company for most of the evening. I always find my thing is for the tattooed girls, and she had some interesting ones. I was facinated by her demeanor (spunky and independent) and her honesty. She didn’t try to suck up. She just said please and thank you and regailed us with tales of her journeys in the world. I made sure she understood that we were not some freaky couple that was trying to take her home. I asked about her boyfriend and her life outside the “life.”

The booze flowed rapidly, and at the end of the night, I realized that we had allowed an obscene ammount of money change hands. But I was drunk, and happy, and glad to have had a beautiful woman dance for us.

When I got home I rested my head on the bathroom floor. I don’t remember getting to the couch, but I woke there. I need to stop falling asleep on the bathroom rug, with a towel for a pillow.

No more going out for us till we go to Colorado.

Sam Flax:
various illustration boards for David’s projects
Plastic container w/ handle
5 pens - various colors (for me of course)

Petco:
Dental Rings
Doggie nail clippers

Starbucks:
Venti cafe mocha w/ skim milk

In the mail:
David’s tax forms

In the bathroom:
Lots of laundry and a floor that needs to be sweeped

On my desk:
All my homework

I I thought someone was following me tonight, as I chased David’s shadow, trying to keep up. It was unsettling, traveling alone down a dark street. Puck was not there to keep me safe. Not that a forty pound beagle with a Santa Clause disposition would be much to ward off harmful folk, but he brings me some sense of peace when he runs with me. So I was wheezing, trying to push myself away from the sense that someone was close behind. I couldn’t outrun the sound. So I stopped and turned.

In my wake there was a mass of tiny swirling leaves. I had disturbed their rest and they followed after me, riding on the wind that my stride kicked up. I smiled. Nature was trying to push me further, to take one more step, to breathe one more breath. There was nothing malicious in her encouragement. She was my cheering section, through the dark streets and my dark days. So I did try to run further. And before I knew it, I had outrun her little leaves.

Out of breath and proud, I gazed up at the full, cloud bearing moon. David was waiting for me. So, I pushed myself a little more.

My job is killing me, so I am going to leave them for good. I want to take my vacation first, and then make my departure. That way I will be fully recharged and ready for the humiliating task of interviewing. I have not taken a real vacation in years, so this will be a nice mental readjustment. After yesterday’s antics, I realize that this place is not worth the degradation of my mental health. So, I will smile and make coffee like a good little peon until March 19th, and when I walk out that door, I won’t look back.

I want:
blue hair
Maru fixed
a new job
a new computer case (and a new computer would be nice too)
a baby beagle with a brown nose
peace
to not crave cigarettes (I’m having a wicked craving right now)
to see more full moons
to ski now
an A on my Humanities paper
to get a scholarship, or two
more tattoos and piercings
a grilled cheese sandwich
for Valentine to stop puking on the carpet
all my friends to know I love them
to see David right now
to sleep without snoring
to be healthy

Heading to class in a few minutes. Not going home first, which blows. Hopefully Puck can hold it till David gets home.

Saw an old friend as David and I ran last night, which was good. She looked great, but it’s kind of hard to be all cool and suave when you are hyperventilating in spandex pants. Damn this excersise crap. =)