I. Need. To. Win. The. Lottery.

Now, I finally got the email I’ve been expecting but not really wanting. The agent from NY that I pitched to during res this summer rejected my novel. I knew she would, and every lovely, well-explained reason made painful sense to me. The things she liked also made sense. I busted my ass on two things in the book: setting and dialect. I don’t know why I obsessed over those two things, but I did, and it showed. The problem areas are the ones that I always have a problem with: character motivation and honestly, plot. How can one write a book with little to no plot? It takes a fucking miracle, and I did it.

Okay maybe I am being a little hard on myself. There IS a plot, but the reasons for the characters doing things does not make sense to the reader. It makes perfect sense in my little noggin, but my noggin is not translating to paper well.

Sigh.

What does this mean? Well my “rejection cherry” has been popped, and all of my lovely classmates and writerly friends celebrated the rejection with me. It also means I have a metric fuckton of editing to do on that novel. But guess who is finishing her MFA? Yeah, this kid. So, no time.

But I have a plan! So while I am working on my WIP I will also edit the first book, sort of a way to take my brains out of one work and put them into another. Honestly with the first book, I was burnt the fuck out, and it shows in the writing. I am a superhero, so I will write my WIP and edit Book 1, and somehow maintain sanity.

I think I need to go to the wine store. Wine is the only thing that will fuel this.

In other news, I spent a brilliant weekend in Seattle with the hubbie and our friends Erin and Jason, and our Portland friend Megan. That weekend: I went to a punk show, realized how fat I am, drank more whiskey than is human, used margaritas to cure my hangover, smoked until my throat hurt, fell more in love with Seattle, fell more in love with my friends, lusted over shoes and danced my ass off. Erin and I became really good friends last summer when she hired me, but she moved to Seattle to be with Jason (who I adore). I always have fun with them, and Jason brings out the social side of my hubbie.

Seattle… I know we are going to move there eventually. There’s an energy about that city that intoxicates me. It makes Portland seem charming and small and almost insignificant. That is not to say that I don’t love Portland, I do. This is a brilliant place where anything goes, and everyone (generally…unless you are a tea-partier) is accepted. But I miss being in a proper big city. The hubbie knows we will get there eventually, but for now, we are going to focus on succeeding where we are…

I am headed to San Fran to visit the birthdaughter on Labor Day weekend (remember that traveling I was telling you about?). I’m excited to go but bummed because, yet again, I am going alone. We don’t have the cash to bring the hubbie and then spring for a dog sitter. So, I am flying out there alone. They have not seen me in almost 8 years, I think. She’s 16 now. This should be “interesting.” Nice time to quit smoking, eh? (I’m going through a cycle of quitting smoking, fucking up, quitting again, rinse and repeat…so I’ll be quitting for a while, methinks).

So this week I have: 3 classes worth of work to finish, a submission due to my DeMentor, crits to work on and sanity to maintain.

Oh, and I quit drinking too…think that’s about to end.

Twice.

I forgot to number the pages, and I think I still had a bunch of highlighted words in the text. I overuse certain words: darkness, stumble, was, is, he, she. Okay those last two are just for funsies, but I do overuse words. I actually found “skedaddle” twice in the text. Who says that stuff? This is an interesting experiment for me this time. It’s a new novel, or WIP (work in progress) that takes place in Portland. The main character is based of me (ahhh writers and their ego). Even her dogs are Puck and Pip. Oh, and they are beagles. I’m so original. What different about this one is the tense (present) and the point of view (1st person). I am very very comfy writing in 3rd/past, but my lovely DeMentor recommended that I change it. So far it works, although I find myself having a hard time stopping the action to put in things that the main character notices. When is it really good to put in detail about a fight? Or when should the action stop to explain something? How do you balance the need for pacing with the need to keep the reader informed? I guess this is all a balance I will learn to maintain.

Or I will just switch the motherfucker back into 3rd/past.

I’m also going to take a stab at outlining this. That is kind of scary for me. I’m a “pantser” writer. I write by the seat of my pants, never planning, just seeing where the words take me. Now, this is fine and all, but I’ve noticed I start the books with one main character and end up writing about another one entirely. That’s a tad distracting when you intend to tell a story. That happened with the last book I started writing (which has been shelved until I finish this monster). I had a great hero, who turned out to be a great villain, who ended up overshadowed by another great character.

Le sigh.

Such is the life of a writer.

So, I sent an email to my crit partners and my DeMentor with the cleaned up, numbered version of my submission. All before midnight.

I’m notorious for turning things in late. I would rather be notorious for being an awesome writer, or particularly good at storytelling. Alas, no, I’m the girl with 10000000 excuses and inconsistent prose. I’m not beating myself up here, it’s the truth. When I have time to edit, which I like way more than the actual writing, I’m proud of what I turn out. But when I wait until the last minute to shit out some half-baked text, and then try to edit it, well the end result is somewhere between awful and embarrassing. I’ve promised myself that I will work ahead this term. It’s my last one, for real, so I should give it my all.

Now, I have some travel plans coming up this week. Unfortunately the flight was booked for last week, so I spent a frantic hour on the phone with the family trying to rectify the situation. It’s fixed. I’m still going to see them, but my new flight leaves an hour earlier. Doh! That’s going to be a long ass day, let me tell you. I’m going to work from 6:00 – 2:00 and then head to the airport to fly out. Let’s hear it for coffee! Wheeee!

Now, I should try to get some sleep, but that pot of coffee I drank so I could stay up and get my submission done has woken my brain. Where’s my off switch? In a bottle of wine, of course. But even I know that’s a bad idea.

This weekend started off well. It’s been hotter than the devil’s taint, here in loverly Portland.  The hubbie and I gallivanted down to an impromptu happy hour with some of my favorite people from work. Then we geeked out at the casa and ignored the fact that we really need to clean (Cats should seriously have to shave themselves in the summer. Valentine’s hair has gotten ridiculous). I’ve been bitching about it all summer, the whole 5 days we’ve actually had this summer. Saturday we spent time at a favorite watering hole with a favorite friend who, no matter how many times we talk, shocks me with her intelligence and wit. And, holy god, does she have some funny stories. It’s the hardest I have laughed since residency.

Then on Sunday, put on my Grumpasarus pants.

I lost the domain name for my other site. How many Erica McEacherns are running around out there? A few, as far as I can tell, and one of them snagged the domain name that has been under my control for 2 years. But I didn’t pay attention to the e-mails and hollering from godaddy and so now I don’t have the fucking site.

I’m very bitter about this.

I.Should. Pay. Attention.

I get so much crap in my email these days that I ignore most of it. I am waiting for a very important e-mail from a woman I have dubbed Awfulsauce. But that is a story for later in this blog post.

CHICKEN!

I’m listening to a really good song right now – “Warning” by Great Northern. Hmmm… I should remember them and check out the rest of the album (I love you Pandora…. Loooooooveee youuuuu).

Back to the bitching. So, to torture me, I keep getting e-mails about the status of my former site. I then, in a knee-jerk reaction, purchased two new domains, which I will be working on getting up and running in the coming days. Thank god my other site is hosted by Squarespace… didn’t lose anything, just the name.

Fucking douche.

In the same month, our car was hit in the parking lot at New Seasons and our radio died. It’s not actually dead. Dead would be okay. Dead would not tempt me by playing music at mid level and now allowing me to change the song. Dead would not tease me with a radio button that doesn’t work. Dead is fine. No, the damn thing half-works. I need to order a new faceplate from Alpline. I just haven’t. Our car also got banged up by some fucktard at New Seasons when I ran in to grab lunch. It’s not worth filing an insurance claim, it just looks like shit. I wish someone would throw the car off a cliff.

No radio.Bad paint job when we had it fixed from the accident and a radio that was never installed correctly when it got ripped out last summer.

I hate that car, but I miss NPR in the morning.

School was amazing. This is the first term that no one was graduating, so when we would normally trod off to thesis readings, we had time, and lots of it. Too much time, if you ask me,  because idle hands do the devil’s work and apparently my devil really likes to drink (I know this is a shock to you all…it’s okay. I only really drank to excess 2 out of the 6 nights we were there). There were again jokes that were made that still make me giggle, but Zorro just isn’t funny to other people (It happens…in your EYE!). I ended the week with a less functioning liver, many bug bites, a new thesis project, grass stains on my favorite jeans, mystery bruises, corgi hair on my sweater,  a fun button that mentions my Twitter addiction, new friends, and lots of big dreams.

So, speaking of dreaming. I have had the lovely Calie as a crit partner for 2 years now (god help her). We were told that we had to have a third person in our group. Now, Calie and I are kind of snarky. We can deal with each others bitchiness and flaws because we truly love each other and we have no qualms about calling the other out. In truth – we are honest in the most vicious way. This attitude and way of working is not feasible for many of our school cohorts. Only the strongest of bitches can put up with us, and that woman would be Ven. Now Venessa is a recivitus, and a full time editor. She’s also willing to spank me, so it is the best of all worlds.

During the residency, a few agents came to work and speak with the alums. I am techincally an alum, but since I am back in school to get the “F” or get “F’d” as it were, I didn’t have a chance to participate in any of the alum stuff. They had pitch sessions that the alums could sign up for, and Ven was in charge of getting them filled up and keeping the agents happy (that woman is a workhorse and can juggle monkeys. I’m sure she can.), which mean getting all the pitch sessions signed up for. We were upstairs, and I think I was probably bitching about day 3 of my hangover when she demanded I go downstairs and sign up for a pitch session.

Truth? I’ve never written one.

Truth? I don’t have a synopsis.

Truth? I hate talking about my book because I always feel like I’m saying the wrong thing.

Truth? I was scared shitless.

Ven and I went to the room to sign up. A woman was signing little tickets for the raffle next to us when I began bitching about not know what the hell I was doing. The woman, with a hungry smile, sat me down and had me practice pitch to her, had me answer some questions (It made me feel amazingly stupid when I didn’t realize what my conflict was) and then proudly told me that I’d just pitched. Then Ven told me who it was.

One of the agents.

Who is known to be beastly.

And then I signed up to do a formal pitch. I still had an entire class to get through prior to the pitch. I will admit to not paying one iotia of attention. I wrote my pitch. Ven was in the class with me and found a lovely handout generated by another student that walked us through how to write one. It was an amazing document. So, we both wrote our pitches (she was to go right after me), and then I snuck out of class early to go downstairs and deal with the agent.

I heard her reject someone right before I went in.

My stomach fell into my toes.

And then with a laugh that could shake buildings she called me in. I don’t know if it is polite to state who I spoke with (I’m going to err on the side of caution here), but she made me laugh. She was so easy to talk to  and her laugh was inflectious, but she still scared the hell out of me.

Then she requested a full manuscript.

I didn’t pitch my book. She liked me. So, she wanted my book.

Life is strange.

I tried to hug her later and she kicked me (or poked me… I may have a been a touch overserved), but Awfulsauce seemed happy to meet me, and I was more than pleased to meet her. Now I’m just waiting for my first, ever rejection. At least it’s going to be a big one. By the way, in her contacts list, my profession is listed as: Awesomesauce. I met another lovely agent during the weekend, but I think I was too drunk when I tried to pitch to him. He may or may not have asked for pages, but I was so embarrassed about my drunkenness then I didn’t send a damn thing. I am only regretting it a little.

I am also starting on a new thesis project. When I wrote my first book (which was my thesis for my MA), I had no clue what I was doing, or what I was getting myself into. I painted myself in a few corners with the story and the limits I set for the characters. I felt comfortable with those characters though, so I started book 2 with my MFA. That sounded like a grand idea but I’m tired of those annoying little buggers. In all honesty, they are not cooperative and the characters I want to focus on decide to retreat to the shadows and pout, or smoke crack, or make fingerpuppets out of napkins. I don’t know what the hell they are doing back there, but they are not helping the story. I’ve had another idea, a type of female character I’ve wanted to write for a while. So when I submitted a peice to be critiqued at school I wrote something new, something that made me happy, something I had fun writing. The peice was well recieved. My DeMentor lead the workshop where we cut it to peices, but overall, they liked it. And I like that they liked it. And then the DeMentor turned to me and said, “You are changing your thesis to this, right?”

I smiled. The bastard was right. Book 2 has not been fun to write. However this new thing has been. And I’m getting all crazy and writing in first person (Calie is going to kick my ass for this because I generally hate 1st person, but she’s doing it pretty well… maybe I can too). So that will be what I’m working on for the next 6 months.

Oh, and I got an iPad. I LOVE IT.

I think that covers most of the madness in the last few weeks. I should get back to working on things that need to be completed. My life is going to be wicked busy come these next few months. Things I am looking forward to: World Fantasy Con, the Willamette Writers con thingy in August, dealing with some family stuff, a trip to Seattle with a close friend, and my freaking birthday. I don’t care much for the birthday, but the rest of it will rock. Now, back to your regularly scheduled madness….

I actually stopped most of it this term. I read my books. I did my papers, and I wrote. I’ve written a lot and it feels fantastic. But there is a fear gnawing at the back of my brain that I can’t write anything outside of the worlds I’ve built in my first two books. We have to submit something for critique for residency, and I whipped together a first chapter for a future novel. It’s fun, fast and fierce. It’s also in Portland. Now I have two long manuscripts that are going to take place in my town. Is that not stretching my creative legs enough? There’s some overlap of the magical concepts as well…is that laziness? Or have I had my head too far up the Bowergent’s arse to write anything else? I don’t know.

Sigh.

Meanwhile, on the life front, not much has changed. My friend Cat is graduating from college this weekend (HUZZAH!) and David and I plan on going to the graduation. It will be taxing, for reasons I can not reveal at this moment (although I think the reason doesn’t even realize I have a website…but I’m keepin’ secrets here!). I’m really proud of her. I know how hard it is to finish your undergrad when you have a full-time life. Sometimes I wish that I was smart and got my degrees when I was younger. Then I remember I wasn’t ready for all this studiousness. We are exactly where we need to be right now.

Speaking of graduations. This is an interesting tidbit. I haven’t seen my father since I was 12 (I think..memory is fuzzy). So over twenty years. He lives in PA, where I go to school. We have been chatting via e-mail for almost a year now and it’s been nice. No pressure. No expectations, just a father and daughter trying to figure out who each other are after not speaking for over 10 years. I got an e-mail from him last week. He wants to come to my graduation in PA. You could have bowled me over with a feather.

I have quite a bit of traveling to do this year: School in June, Seattle to visit Erin and Jason a few times this summer, World Fantasy Con in Ohio, School in Jan. David is also take a trip, but that’s a secret.

Have I mentioned that I’m terrible about secrets?

Before I say any more, I should get to work.

Getting the cheaper flights is often a pain in the ass.

And now some pictures to entertain.

Oh, one more thing – CONGRATS AMANDAPANTS!! (she got a new house in NoPo!).

Oh, and it snowed again tonight. I’m over the snow. David told me it was my fault because I wished for it, but I think my offical wish has expired. Weather, if you are listening – stop fucking snowing.

And now some bullets before bed.

• I hate cilantro with a passion that cannot be expressed. If it is overused, it taints entire dishes and leaves them inedible. Please, for the love of Mexican food – use sparingly.
• We returned a bunch of blinds that were recalled by Ikea, so I got a lovely gift card to use. We bought some wall mounted lights. It makes the living room look warm and inviting. Have I mentioned that I love my house?
• We’ve been watching my sister’s dog while she is in Colorado. He’s gotten very comfy at my house. I woke up with him snoring on my head. Can you say, “There’s no place like Aunt Erica’s home?”
• Battlestar stars soon! Huzzah!
• I finally put almost everything away in my office. Now I need a rug. I think it would make the room warmer.
• Does anyone know how to put curtains up on corner windows? Because we have 4 windows that are in dire need of some love.
• I finally realized a few days ago that I’m pretty deep in a blue spell. It seems to have lifted somewhat, but I may have to go off on any jackass that makes me cry at work.
• Work is not going well at all. But I’m trying to focus on the good things and not the fact that the company is falling apart at the seams. We said goodbye to a wonderful GM last week, and it makes me sad. But I’m working on moving on. I won’t get caught on a sinking ship.
• I found a champagne I really liked. Unfortunately we threw the bottle away. Doh!
• I installed WordPress 2.7 finally. Honestly, it’s 10000% better, and I really liked the previous iterations, but this versions so intuitive and easy to use…. I love it.

Now it’s off to bed for me. Nighty night.

For Calie and all my friends…… James Taylor —

When youre down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name,
And you know whereever I am
Ill come running, oh yeah baby
To see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And Ill be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Youve got a friend.

If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name and you know where ever I am
Ill come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And Ill be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, aint it good to know that youve got a friend?
People can be so cold.
Theyll hurt you and desert you.
Well theyll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but dont you let them.

You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
Ill come running to see you again.
Oh babe, dont you know that,
Winter spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all youve got to do is call.
Lord, Ill be there, yes I will.
Youve got a friend.
Youve got a friend.
Aint it good to know youve got a friend.
Aint it good to know youve got a friend.
Youve got a friend.

I’m following a few new people on Twitter who are involved with the NaNoWriMo project I’m so excited!

And I got my schedule to volunteer at Wordstock. I am going to take classes around the scheduled volunteer work. So much to do…. sheesh.

And my husband is the awesome. He bought me Fable 2. But I’m not touching it, not even opening it until after the deadline (Nov 1). It’s going to kill me. I will die of Fable-inabilitytoplaydisease. Really. I’m serious.

I’m gym bound this evening. Have a loverly night.

1. Finish writing the last chapters of my novel
2. Edit said chapters
3. Finish all the reading for school
4. Blog about the books I read
5. Ask someone about my financial aid

I have two weeks to complete that. Then, we have our normal, everyday things to do. You know:

• Feed the beasts
• Try not to kill beasts for being beastly.
• Work, every day
• Workout – at least 4 times a week
• Sleep, somehow
• Cook, because D won’t. He told me it’s safer for everyone involved. I think he just doesn’t want to.

While I am prone to panic, I’m trying not to. But this is fair warning to all my lovely online, school, and IRL friends – I will be a hermit for the next 2 weeks.

Text – do not call.

Text – do not e-mail.

Did I mention texting? If you don’t have my number – I guess you can e-mail me. No guarantees though. Oh, and I live on Twitter these days. It’s the easiest way to keep an eye on me (a nice way of saying spying).

D and I had a nice weekend, considering I spend a vast majority of it on the couch, with a dog, fighting for room and my blanket while I edited Calie’s stuff (her novel is fucking amazing). We found a new restaurant, pissed off Voodoo, walked the beasties, worked on homework, and talked.

D and I spent a lovely Friday dinner at The Blue Olive. We intended on venturing to a wine bar down the street, but balked when I saw how little vegetarian food they had. D and I were really freaking hungry. When we walked through the door, a dark haired woman with nice glasses greeted us. The dining room was mostly empty, but two tables were full of diners, loudly enjoying their plates of food. D and I both selected the Mediterranean platters – with hummus, pita, falafel, a Greek salad (full of cucumbers and tomatoes), roasted potatoes and a spinach and feta pastry (I know the name, my brain is misfiring at the moment. Need more coffee). The falafel – to die for. Crunchy, warm, well flavored, and the tzatziki reminded me of a place I used to go to in Miami. The hummus, a heaping helping of it, was seasoned beautifully thick and creamy. Honestly, there was a lot of food on the plate, although it didn’t look like much when we started. We also had a Malbec (yes I forgot the name of that too), which the owner had just added to the menu. D and I waddled out of there – overstuffed and blissfully happy.

On Saturday, we made a boo boo. Since we moved, we had a queen sized bed. It wasn’t that bad, but it started hurting D’s back. Then Pip decided he was supposed to sleep with us. I wouldn’t necessarily let him into bed, but he snuck under the covers – all stealthy ninja like. He’s a ninja beagle – I’ve said it before. So, I would wake up, sweating, because a 10000 degree beagle had wrapped himself around my feet. I also have a very different sleeping schedules.  The moral of the story is that I sleep on the couch a lot. Being that he gets up at 5, I don’t want to wake him. But we are tired of sleeping apart. He was tired of the never ending back ache. So, we went to look at beds.

Which means, we bought a bed.

I don’t know why I can’t just say “Hey, we are just shopping.” I think I’m allergic to sales people. The guy wasn’t an ass. He didn’t push the 3k bed on us (thank god, because I would have smacked him). We got a great deal on a king size bed.

Problem?

Yes. Puck is having a hard time jumping up to the bed. I know we don’t want the dogs sleeping with us, but they usually crash in the bedroom while we are gone. Puck has his own bed next to ours (he refuses to sleep with us), but I feel bad. He’s just not as sprightly as he used to be. And the bed is freaking tall. I used to laugh at the infomercials, but we are buying doggy stairs. If you call my dog geriatric, I will find you and thrash you with his lobster toy.

In other mundane and painfully boring news – I bought a crock pot! It’s been in the box for about a week. I really should do something with it.

Did I mention that I only have 2 weeks to finish all this stuff.

Let the panic begin!

• The Best Compliment – I finished Calie’s critique way late. I’ve been way late for most of this term, either to to emotional issues (it’s hard to write about hope when you don’t have any), technical issues, or life issues. The thing I’ve realized is that no matter how shitty my life gets, I can’t drag her into my mess. She deserves a good crit partner, and since we decided to go as a 2 person team, I’m all she’s got school wise (beyond her fucking amazing mentor). I sat down, over the course of several days, and critted the hell out of her story. I love the premise, and the world. I think she and I have similar problems in getting into a deeper POV, but she’s got an amazingly twisted mind and a fluid writing style. I read the submission all the way through several times so that I could digest things properly. When all was said and done and I turned it in to her, I waited for the e-mail saying “Moody, you bitch! Can’t you do this well?” but what I got was “You are the best crit partner ever.” She understand that my inclination to pick out things and ask questions is not beating up the story, it’s about dissecting it to make it a better story. It feels really good when someone understands and appreciates your intentions
• Going to #Wordcampdx tomorrow - I’m painfully nervous. I won’t know anyone, but I am braving the wilds anyway. What is it? Look and see. I hope to meet some interesting people, learn more about the abilities of WordPress, and figure out how to make my writing site more interesting. I’ve been on MoodayMeow since 2003 in some ideration or another, but if I plan on becoming a professional writer when I grow up (which will be when I turn 50, I’ve decided… I have a few years) then I need to establish a professional, interesting web presence. And I love social media, so joining my blog and twitter or the other technology crack I’m addicted to — it’s good stuff. Oh! And there’s a copyright section! I had plans to put parts of my book up, but worried about copyright. Hopefully this will answer some questions. It’s an all-day event, and it won’t leave me much time for editing my own writing, but the deadline’s not till Tuesday. I should be okay.
• I had more to write, but I’m crazy busy. Maybe tomorrow?

The party ended up at the casa. Now, the hallmark of a good night is that I don’t remember part of it. And ladies and gents, I don’t remember going to bed at all. The last thing I remember was drinking my wine, sitting on the porch. My BIL smuggled some wine back from South America for me, one being a bottle called “Gato Negro” —and I fucking drank it but was too intoxicated to remember why I liked it. I also apparently bought the Rent soundtrack for some reason while I was blitzed. Oh well, now D can listen to me sing Seasons of Love over and over and over again.

The vineyard was amazing. D and Manderpants and I had a blast tasting the estate wines, talking to the people who owned the place, and I found a Chardonnay I actually liked. Because Amanda and I are total dorks, we joined the wine club. Huzzah! And I bought quite a bit of their wine. It’s going to be saved for special occasions, because I’m good like that.

The presents I got were amazing. Mom bought me a necklace, and gave me some casssshhh to help out. She hates giving us money, but I promised her I would buy something nice with it —- so I bought wine. She appreciated it. Amandapants bought me a cool purple plant, and we are going to take a class together at New Space in the fall – her treat. I can’t wait! Chris bought me wine and these really cute bowls (picture forthcoming)…. I think my friends think I’m a lush ! Ahhh… gotta love being a wino.

We got some bad news about the car. D noticed that our tires are shot…and I mean undrivable. So we are carless until we can get some new tires put on the damn thing. Can I just tell you, I will be really happy when July is over with. This month sucked sooooo hard. But, on a good note, I gotta lot of booze.

I hope your week goes well. To my Seton Hill kids – write on!

• I have blogstalkers, and that’s just cool.
• Big people should not be allowed to take up 1/4 of my airplane seat. If you can’t put down the armrest, and can’t buckle the seatbelt, then you should buy another seat and not sleep on me, snoring, shaking your legs for an entire flight.
• That means — I didn’t sleep on the flight from PDX to Charlotte.
• That means I am freaking tired.
• I really missed the people I go to school with.
• Vanessa, Shara, Aubrey and all the other graduates — congrats.
• It’s a running joke that I’m the paparazi now. I take pictures from the back seat while Nu drives, and sometimes the flash goes off. It was funny, but I had a feeling that you had to be there.
• I became a donkey pinata proctologist.
• I’m terrified of my new mentor, although everyone tells me he is fantastic.
• I already miss Anne Harris’s support….. le sigh.
• Calie, my fearless crit partner, has stirred interest in an agent. I want to be just like her when I grow up — purple hair and everything.
• Grannie’s death started hitting me last night. It was kind of overhwhelming.
• I miss D.
• Val is still having issues. I may kill him if he pisses in my Chrome bag again.
• I will have lots of pictures from my trip, and that’s a good thing.
• Tonight we are having the wine social…pictures will ensue.
• I’m already tired of cheese sandwiches.
• The weather has been mostly beautiful, but it rained today. Greensburg gets very very steamy.
• Red Lobster scares me.
• I was flagged by the Govt. for my student loans. I have to forward my W2s and other tax documents before they will release my money for school.
• PA has the stupidest alcohol laws in the country. At least, as far as I’ve noticed.
• I need to eat.

And that’s all from school for now. More updates when I’ve got time, or the internet stops hating me.

First, because it’s the most soap-opera-ish of the bunch, the family ties. I’ll keep it brief. My stepmother lives about a half hour away from my sister now. We found this out on Tuesday. While it means nothing to my day to day life. She will never be welcome in my house, it does irk me. I was happy in Florida, if for no other reason, that my stepmother would never be down there. And at the time, I knew my father would also never make a trip to the land of swampwater and misquitoes (and killer sunsets, amazing trees, and the best flowers known to man). I’m hedging a little on the father issue, but that’s for another blog post. Anyway, my stepmother, who seems to have forgotten her transgression against me and my siblings, wants to spark up a new, shiny relationship with my sister. I don’t begrudge Lex that opportunity, but I warned her to be cautious. So did our Mom. For now, it really doesn’t rattle my cage. I’m bothered that she’s just hours from my house, but if she ever showed up, I would slam the door in her face. I’ll never regret moving here. I’m grateful for every sunny day (I saw Mt. Hood on the way to work, skirted in clouds, and it made me very happy), for my friends here, for the relaitonships I’m building and those that I am now closer to. Nothing will ever change that, not even people from my past that I wish would dissappear.

The Blue Moose, my favorite veggie restraunt in Portland, is reopening today! wh00t! SOUP! I’m into comfort food, and D and I love the place because it’s homey and welcoming. And they always have good food. But with the fire they had back in March, they’ve been closed all this time. So, when I was sick – no Moosey. When I was sad – no Moosey. Today I am tired, but I still get Moosey. Yay!

I am still playing ketchup with the writing thing. I have a HUGE deadline – like the end one for the fucking semester, next week and I want to get everything finished ON time, with some kind of skill. I turned back in my project approval chapters. If they aren’t approved, then….I think I held back a term. Which would offically blow, but what are you going to do? So, if you want to talk to me in the next 2 weeks, send a messenger pigeon. Although, D has been BEGGING me to see Ironman, and C&B want to see it as well. I got voted off the “that’s a cheesy movie” island. So, we will see it this weekend.

I still think  it’s going to be crap. But D’s just waiting for me to eat my words.

I was going to talk about my period, and the size of pads now, but I think I should actually get to work. I’ll rant about the forehead-sized pads laster.

Mmm…coffee.

We took the  Max all over the city this weekend. First a trip to the Portland Saturday Market, then back to la casa to walk el puppies, then back downtown to go to Velour, then to Beaverton, and then back to our side of the world. It’s really nice not having to drive. Really. Spending the time, chatting with D, taking in the sights and sounds of the drunks and disillusioned, watching people listen, laughing at the overly affectionate couple. A story (many stories) could be told about the people on the train.

D encouraged me to buy a new bracelet with a quote on it to remind me of who I am and why I am. It says:

May my thinking be creative and fill the world with light.

It’s a good reminder. It also fits my wrist perfectly. You gotta love his taste in everything.

I think I’m tired of Halo. I should spend more time reading anyway. So, this is fair warning to everyone. I’m going to dissappear for a few weeks. I’ve got a lot of work to do and not a lot of time to do it in. Don’t be offended if I don’t call, write or blog. Feel free to call & write. I need the distractions sometimes to clear my head.

Oh, and on Flyday, we had sewage in the bathtub. Roto rooter came out and told me that the pipes were set to a shallow grade, and that we’d end up with another clog if we kept putting shit down the drain. Even with the garbage disposal…. frack. So, I’m going to look into composting. They’ve got these cool little composters that sit under the sink with the garbage can so that you can compost in your kitchen, rather than have a huge pile of rotting food in your yard. I’m all kinds of a treehugger and shit, but that could be quite nasty. We’ll see where this goes.

• Thank you Alexis for being my friend, and for making me laugh.
• Thanks C&B for one of the best Saturdays we’ve ever had.
• Thanks Amandapants for showing me my favorite restraunt in town.
• And thanks D for being you. I like your pants

I need to get myself some lunch. Happy Monday.

Must.

Move.

Furniture.

The dining table is now where my office once was. Why? Apparently someone forgot to tell Portland that it was Spring. The heat doesn’t go to the back of the house, due to a disconnected heating vent. Yes, the landlady knows about it. No, I don’t think she’s going to do shit about it. Meanwhile, when I write, my toes freeze off. It’s especially hard to be brilliant when you are distracted by the possibility of frostbite. D offered to help me move my office several times, but I resisted. We finally had a proper dining-room space. The lamp hangs low over the area, perfectly framing the tall table and my HUGE bottle of Cholula. But we don’t use the damn table. It ends up being a kitty perch, or the receptacle for bags, jackets and scarves. Meanwhile, my desk gathered dust, the gold chair was only occupied when Pip was looking for the neighbor’s cat, and that space was pretty desolate. So, we moved everything. My desks line the windows in the dining room. The gold chair sits behind the couch, and we bought a new rug to fill out the new space. The dogs love it. They’ve played tag, Val uses the new rug as a launch pad, and everyone feels welome. The dining table is in the corner, where the gold chair was. Two chairs are downstairs now (I keep forgetting we have a basement, so we don’t have to keep shit upstairs if we aren’t using it), and I put all the plants on the table. Valentine immediatly took residence up on the table. Normally that’s a no-no, but what ever…. I sat more at my desk yesterday than I have for months. The space is clean. It’s groovy. Now I have to get my deadline stuff done. But I can’t use my piggies getting cold as an excuse anymore.

D and I headed to see a Lacrosse (I was totally wrong in my post on Friday) game with Miss Amandapants and her friend Jes. We watched the Lumberjacks get pretty spanked by the team from San Jose. It’s a fun sport to watch. I screamed. I yelled. I even contemplated buying season tickets. For some reason, grown men running around thwacking each other with big sticks is very entertaining. The arena was pretty full, but we snuck down to lower seats after halftime. Amanda and Jes explained the rules a bit, but most of the time we were just yelling. It’s easy to get caught up in the energy of that kind of situation.

After the game we headed downtown to a little restraunt off Ash and First called Velour. Dark, romantically moody, and filled with brick, the place oozes romance. We found a booth at the back, (it’s kind of skinny building, but deep), and waited. One of the owners gave us the crustinis for free. Some bitchy customers ordered them, but when they didn’t come out as they wanted, they broght the delectable little bits of bread, caramelized onions, and vinagreette, to our table. Starving, we gobbled them up. Since I moved here, my tastes in beer have changed dramatically. While I still love me some Tuker with OJ (fuck off…it tastes good), I’ve taken a liking to Reds. They had an exceptional Red, but I missed the name of it. Amanda and Jess had the exact same things: mac and cheese with gorgonzola, spinach and chicken. I had the veggie black bean burger,  D ordered their vegetarian jumbalaya. My burger was fucking amazing. Spicy, perfectly cooked, I discern the flavor of the beans versus the other veggies, and just wanted to swim in those fries. I don’t know what they coat them with (crack, maybe?) but they were alternatly crunchy and light. It’s a killer little place, and I think D and I will head back there next Saturday after our trip to see Cirque !!!

I’m pretty proud of myself. I went to bed last night around 10, knowing full well that I had to wake up early. Before D left, he woke me up. And about a half hour later (the beagles like their morning cuddles….I had to oblige), I got up, and worked out. Starting the day off that way has made this Monday one of the best I’ve had in ages. I’m alert, almost cheerful, and ready to rock it out. Thank god I have that elliptical. It’s saving my life. And for the rest of the week, things around here will be pretty quiet. For your viewing pleasure – my week schedule:

• Monday – drive to New Seasons, pick up quick cooking dinner (something for the oven, with no slicing or dicing), work on novel, 1/2 hour on the elliptical, work on novel, bed by 10:30.
• Tuesday – wake, 1/2 hour on elliptical, drive to work….and you know…work, home, novel, dinner, novel, sleep.
• Wedneday – wake, work, coffee, eating, working out….EDITING, dinner, editing, sleep.
• Thursday – go gray, tear out hair, throw laptop acrross the room, then wake up from nightmare where I don’t finish my work for the month, wake, work out, go to work, head home, eat, work until midnight, because I will push myself like that.
• Friday – Work….and Lex is coming for a visit. Party. Laugh. Sleep.
• Saturday – Hang out with Lex, Cirque, Velour, ride the Max home. Sleep.
• Sunday – Ride a bike.

And that about sums things up. I tried to take pictures of the game, with little success, but I will post them anyway. And new pictures of the house. Oh, and my hair’s gotten really long. You may get an image of that as well.

Have a happy Monday….and if it’s not happy….find the band and listen to some of their music. Good stuff.

PS: I will edit this later. I hate IE…no native spellchecker. #&#%(*^&$(%@($#*!!!!

My novel is 90 pages. Huzzah. I’ve been writing my happy ass off now, and it’s due tomorrow, and there is a LOT of editing that needs to be done still, but shit, that’s why I’m in school.

That’s what I’ve been doing. And working. And getting D his birthday present (10 dollars to the person who can guess what I got him).

After finishing up my editing tomorrow, and turning in my newborn almost, partial, sorta, kinda masterpeice (like that?? That’s called bad writing…. and it makes me happy) I am going to clean the living hell out of my house. The animals realize it’s spring. Their coats realize it’s spring. And so they are blowing fur all over the place. And have I mentioned that I haven’t cleaned our car since we moved? It’s downright nasty. That’s my game plan. I am going to scrub the floor, vacuum every inch of the house, and maybe make some

D’s birthday is on the 12th. My sister’s is on the 14th. We are heading up to Tacoma for a little gathering with the fam on Saturday. But I look forward to working, writing, editing, cleaning and maybe sleeping somewhere in there. But that’s optional.

D bought me COD 4, since my life on Halo has gotten a little stale. Even my sister is moving on. That being said, I got it for the PS3, put it in for 5 minutes, and realized that I needed to get back to work. So, I have the game, but it will be for later. But it does look purrrrdy.

Spring has arrived in Portland. It’s getting greener and the buds are coming out on all the trees. I feel like a heel because all of my neighbors have gone outside and are working on their yards. I go outside, but I’m just writing on my porch. Soon I will draft my sister and her brood and get some slave labor to help build up my garden. Momma needs a good yard.

Now I have a headache, and I need to get to bed. I gotta go to work in the morning.

Also, there are going to be some changes on the blog. I need to update WordPress and get a new theme. This one is kind of stale.

And now, I really am going to bed.

Nite nite.

And thanks to all of you who sent happy vibes, text messages, prayers, and asked for advice. It may not have seemed like it…but it means a lot.

But I need the will power… really I do. I smoked my last ciggy last night, while playing Halo and drinking wine. The new elliptical trainer stared at me. Yes, machinery can stare, especially when you haven’t used it yet. And I admit that I didn’t help D all that much when he was building it. Lex and I were very busy looking for skulls. Don’t worry, it’s a Halo thing

D and Amandapants and I went to Powells yesterday for some book-lovin’. That places chews on my credit card and spits it back out. My addiction isn’t shoes, or the latest fashions (I know, to look at me, you totally wouldn’t get that, would you? *snark*), but I love  books and video games. The last time we went to Powells, I think we spent 50 bucks. We got out easy this time, because I had a list that I tried to stick to. I almost bought this book, but until the casssh starts flowing with the jobby, I won’t blow money on books I don’t technically need. Okay, so I didn’t need another Gaiman book… but I will call it “research.” Hehe…   Amanda loved the place, and I think she’ll make a few return visits.

I hate Old Navy and small children with inattentive parents. There is no excuse for a child who is allowed to lock the doors at a store, leaving customers banging on the glass, trying to get in. There’s no excuse for a child who is allowed to throw a ball in a store, nearly missing several employees and my husband. There is no excuse for a child who pulls all of the JUST folded sweaters on a shelf, just so he can sit in the pile. When I go on my rants about kids, it’s honestly less about the children and more about the parents. And I think that “sales” make people, mostly women, nuts. They were so intent on finding that “deal” that they ignored the pee-pee dances and wailing, and dug through the wrinkled messes, in the search for that perfect shirt. Let me just clue you in, ladies. It’s fucking Old Navy, not Dolce & Gabbana. I shop there because I’m too lazy to shop at other stores. But damn, if I could just get through there one time without having a near panic attack — that would be lovely.

I haven’t downloaded any podcasts for 3 weeks. My computer is being a little pissy as I write this. Who knew it would be so taxing!

So, I am finally able to write about the residency (a word I have a very hard time spelling for some reason). I should write about this stuff on my other blog, but I’ll just keep that for book reviews for now.  It was everything I needed it to be. Sun shone on the chapel, and happy voices filled the Potter-esque cafeteria. When the wine flowed, I got honest with myself and several others. I learned the importance of POV and that there are not original ideas, just ways to reinvigorate them. After discussing thing with my mentor, and analyzing the ideas for my novel, I’ve decided to kill my main character, and focus on the characters that I really like to write — the other protag and the antag. The fun part of this whole thing will be working on their story, without the one character I tried to write. My mentor was just as excited about this whole process as I was. It feels good to be on the right path.

Beyond the writing, because residency is so much more than just the writing, I attended a wonderful class taught by graduating students. One really stood out. She gave us 3 index cards and had us pick a movie, a book, and a myth. On each card we had to write the : protag, antag, theme, setting, and story. Just brief little snippets and descriptions, nothing major. Then we had to mix it up – take the protag and theme from one, add the setting from another, and the antag from the last one. Then we had a brand new story to write. I’m not explaining this very well, but it’s a project I look forward to goofing off with. I’m going to write those cards down for all the books I’ve read, and the movies I have seen. If I can’t find anything to write about, I will dig out the cards and shuffle them about. An idea will fall into my lap, if I am patient.

While I braved the wilds of PA, I ignored the tv news stations, and remained blissfully ignorant of the political bullshit that has become that primaries. Let me just say this: name calling on either side of the isle does nothing to the “discussion” we should be having as Americans. That being said, it is a shame that the media is the true power in this country, not the voter. I’m jaded and bitter because the message that should be out there is : how are we going to make this country better. It shouldn’t be about Hillary crying, or McCain’s stupid bus. People don’t take this shit as seriously as they should, although if you pay attention, it will make you sad.

Oh — and Liberal isn’t a bad word. If you are middle class and think the conservatives really “get” you, you should take a deep, dark look at what that party represents. Be honest…then talk to me.

On another note, I start the job tomorrow. I’m salary. I bought adult clothes (no jeans….sigh), and I am nervous. Miss C was kind enough to invite D and me to dinner, but we had to pass. I have to go brave the wilds of the grocery store and Target. I need more shirts. While I love the tattoo on my chest, it’s a pain in the ass to hide when I go to work. I’m going to wear turtle necks for 3 months. Why 3? After 90 days I am permanent. I know how to play this game.

I would like to say: I love Portland. I missed being home. I’m glad that I finally got a job. And it is interesting how things work out —– when I need something to pull through, it does. But I have to need it first…. it doesn’t come at will. And for that… I am grateful.

Hope you had a groovy weekend.

• Conversation is one of the finest gifts that a person can share. I just had an amazing conversation with one of my residency girls, and I think I made a good friend for a long time. When I look at her, I see someone I strive to be: brilliant, unburdened, free, full of light. These people are fucking amazing, and this program is unique. Although I’ve made a lot of friends throughout the week, I will fondly remember one woman I got closer to – who offered me cheesey puffs that looked like shrimp and made my face hurt from laughing so hard.
• When you aren’t drunk – drunk people are kind of annoying.
• Some authors, especially if they have fantabulous hair, are quite full of themselves.
• Even straight men flirt with men of power.
• There’s not enough time in the day to dedicate it to all the things I think I need to do.
• My mentor is a human being, who laughs, says “fuck” and is just as flawed as I am. My first meeting with her last june made me feel uneasy. Here was a published author with confidence and class, and I was a bumbling student who didn’t know her ass from an apostrophe. Now I feel like I can conversate with her without feeling like such a nerdburger.
• Everyone likes “nerdburger.”
• I’m sick of cheese sandwiches.
• Sunshine is good for the soul.
• Honesty and tension are both important in literature and in real life. We learned about it in my literature class.
• I have this neat project to do with note cards when I get home. I may have to steal movies from people to do this exercise. But when I finish, or at least finish with the art I have, I will never have writer’s block.
• The students at Seton Hill are not only nice, they are fucking amazing writers.
• What isn’t said is sometimes more important than what is said.
• If I don’t call, write, or phone it will be because I’m working.
• Tomorrow is our last day of residency, and I am officially sad.
• The black bean soup at Panera needs sour cream
• everything needs sour cream
• I’m tired. Nite nite.