Oh, and it snowed again tonight. I’m over the snow. David told me it was my fault because I wished for it, but I think my offical wish has expired. Weather, if you are listening – stop fucking snowing.

And now some bullets before bed.

• I hate cilantro with a passion that cannot be expressed. If it is overused, it taints entire dishes and leaves them inedible. Please, for the love of Mexican food – use sparingly.
• We returned a bunch of blinds that were recalled by Ikea, so I got a lovely gift card to use. We bought some wall mounted lights. It makes the living room look warm and inviting. Have I mentioned that I love my house?
• We’ve been watching my sister’s dog while she is in Colorado. He’s gotten very comfy at my house. I woke up with him snoring on my head. Can you say, “There’s no place like Aunt Erica’s home?”
• Battlestar stars soon! Huzzah!
• I finally put almost everything away in my office. Now I need a rug. I think it would make the room warmer.
• Does anyone know how to put curtains up on corner windows? Because we have 4 windows that are in dire need of some love.
• I finally realized a few days ago that I’m pretty deep in a blue spell. It seems to have lifted somewhat, but I may have to go off on any jackass that makes me cry at work.
• Work is not going well at all. But I’m trying to focus on the good things and not the fact that the company is falling apart at the seams. We said goodbye to a wonderful GM last week, and it makes me sad. But I’m working on moving on. I won’t get caught on a sinking ship.
• I found a champagne I really liked. Unfortunately we threw the bottle away. Doh!
• I installed WordPress 2.7 finally. Honestly, it’s 10000% better, and I really liked the previous iterations, but this versions so intuitive and easy to use…. I love it.

Now it’s off to bed for me. Nighty night.

Now I need a cold dinner and to get to work.

Have a happy monday.

I

hate

sweating.

But today it’s 70 something. I kept all the windows open because I want to justify wearing this sweater.  Yes, I am happily wearing a sweater…….. this is why we moved here.

I feel like I’m in some kind of anti-communication vortex jobwise. I cannot count the number of resumes I’ve sent out. I’m starting to despair. When D shoulders the financial responsibility soley, my guilt kicks in. This is a partnership. This is two of us. This is a situation where we need more money. This is Valentine needing surgery and Meow needing a trainer (I’m fatter than ever and not happy about it). This is about life not cooperating. It’s effecting everything – my writing, my heath, my sketchy mental health, my relationships. It’s hard to suck it up every day and say it’s going to be okay. It will, as long as D remains employed, but even that was shaken up last week, and due to a shitty situation, he’s still in jeopardy. It’s not worth discussing out in the open, especially since we found out his employer trolls sites looking for their name, but it is adding stress. Taking each day as it comes has gotten harder. I just need a little break. Can’t someone give me a chance?

But at least the weather is cooperating. Thunder woke me this morning and our power went out for a little bit. I rolled over, cuddled a beagle, and fell back into fitful dreams.

Oh, and so glad I’m not dealing with hurricane stuff. It could always be worse.

Here’s to a better week full of brighter things…

Today’s blessing – meetings all day, all over. First to Vancouver and then to Battle Ground. I’ve got a lot to do, but thought I would post a short update. That update being that there’s really no update. I’m in a holding pattern until today, when more end-of-life people will be met with and doctors will determine the danger in trying a surgery that could save her life, at least for a little while. I think I put it best when I was talking to a coworker – it’s like putting a band-aid on a broken dike. You can’t stop the inevetible.

I slept last night. I didn’t wait for the phone to ring, I didn’t stay on the couch because I was too awake to sleep and watch TV until 4 am. Pip and I curled up together and I think I fell asleep watching Hell’s Kitchen or some bullshit. D finally instructed me to go to bed. And Pip snuck under the covers. He really is a ninja-beagle.

My class last night went well. I’m not as sore as I have been, but I don’t think my head was in my practice yesterday. I felt distracted, by the noise in the rooms next door, or the washing machine in the back of the studio, or the cars, or my grandmother, or school. I couldn’t get my focus working nor my breathing steady. It takes practice, I know. Thursday will be better, I can feel it.

And now, it’s cereal time. I’m starving. Have a good Wednesday.

D and I went and bought a new suit for me yesterday. I have the one I wore when I got hired in Orlando, but it feels a little antiquated, and it’s kind of stuffy. This new one is more fitted, and has some funk. But I look like my mother. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, I guess. It feels wierd looking in the mirror and not seeing my hair all wild, with no earrings. Yes, I’ve kept my guaged earrings out for a while so that the hole’s are so noticible when I interviewed. I’m putting them back in shortly.

D took the train to work today. He’s also researched a bike route. It’s 17 miles each way, and goes up the hill, but he’s very eager to get back on his bike.

It snowed again yesterday. It didn’t stick, and there wasn’t any ice on the roads, but it was fun to watch. The shitty part? Our heat is busted on the car. Trying to drive through temps as low as 30 with no defogger was enough to drive me freaking nuts. My glasses can’t be dirty. The windshied can’t be foggy or have stuff on it. I have this odd obsession with clean glass. So as D and I ran errands last night, I kept a wad of napkins handy. Although wearing gloves while driving didn’t make keeping the windshield clean any easier. We are hoping the car is still covered under the extended warranty.

I need addresses for Xxx mas cards. Yes, I am sort of getting into the spirit. I blame it on my sister.

And now, I have school work to do. Have a happy Monday.

Actually, today is gorgeous. It’s 59 right now. The sky is clear and it should get up to 60 or so. I love living here.

I still read the news from Florida, especially Orlando. I’m keeping tabs on things, checking up, making sure the place hasn’t gone to pot since I left. It’s more than a little narcissistic to think that it would, but it was my home for a very long time, so I like to keep tabs on things. I realize that I owe a lot of people phone calls. Wait till after the 25th. I have a school deadline, so please just be patient.

I bought a new helmet for my bike today. The old one was perfect, except that it doesn’t fit on my head anymore. Why? My fucking hair. The front is almost down to my chin and the back is way beyond my shoulders now. I have big, thick, tangley hair, and it doesn’t sit well in a helment that was sized when I had no/short hair. Ahh, vanity.

Why do the maker’s of womens’ sport gear/clothing/equipment insist on using pink? I’m not 5, sucking on a lolipop, dragging around a doll. It drives me NUTS! I don’t want to wear pink. A lot of women I know don’t want to wear pink, so why does “women’s” automatically mean that there has to be some pink flower or stripe? Gah! It drives me mad! I’m a woman. I’ve got boobs and a chip on my shoulder about gender-specific colors. Can’t I just have some green or purple on something that fits me properly? Please?
*end snark*
Wait… also. Enough with the fucking flowes already!
*really…end of the snark*

And now back to my regularly scheduled homework.

She stole the land

She flooded one of the most influential cities in our country

She flooded the conciousness of this nation

And she showed men for what they truly are — a shame to the human race.

Man.. I won’t miss this shit when we move.

I heard the thunder, but thought I was dreaming. The lightening woke me up. Nature’s strobe light. For a while, I tried to find a rhythm in the tapping on the window. It was still raining when the alarm sounded. We heard about two deaths on the morning news. It was worse than we first thought.

The first time I rolled, it rained. For many hours, a man I just met and I sat on the porch in his apartment, swapping stories and passing a well-rolled joint. He kept bringing me cold orange juice, and made sure that I was okay, both chemically and physically. I don’t really remember what we talked about, but I remember the rain. It glowed like a neon orange curtain in the streetlight beneath the man’s porch. He lived on the fifth floor. The ashtray was full when we went to sleep, curled around each other like snakes. I didn’t want to stay awake until dawn. Dawn made me feel dirty, so we popped a sleeping pill and retreated to his room. I fell asleep on a mattress on his floor, the sound of rain ringing in my ears.

When I first moved to Miami in 1994, I lived briefly with my uncle. Promised help with school and a car, I ran from North Carolina like the devil chased me and my sticky, burning sins. Two windows crowned my new bed, like a glowing headboard. I didn’t care much for the morning hours, when the sun warmed my blankets too much, and I woke with sweat sliding down my nose, suddenly cooled by the arctic air-conditioning. For those months, I could never get comfortable in that bed, unless it rained. The gray, every changing, partially illuminated by the piercing Florida sun, then dark as soot, raced past my window. When it rained, it raced down the roof in a solid sheet. I could see the shrubbery that lined the neighbor’s fence danced and thrashed in the storms. Sometimes, I crouched in the window and let my eyes take in full effects of the storms, and closer to the panes of streaked glass, I could hear the fat drops that smacked into plants and the footpath just next to the house. Or, when I felt lazy or alone, I would laid on my back at an angle where only the sky was visible, and although I could hear the rain on the plants, all I could see was the swirling gray.

I will remember, forever, the sound of the rain on my porch at Nebraska Street, and the strange echo of storms in our apartment at Bumby, and the flat patter of the swift, fat drops upon our roof at Delaney Park. I will remember it all, and perhaps, I will write more about those places that I’ve not talked about – the three houses in Ft. Lauderdale, or the big house in Miami, or the garage in South Miami, or the hovel in Hollywood. I remember the storms, the violence and the peace, when I lived in all of those places, but that’s a story for another time.

It rained last night as well. As I left my Renaissance Art class, I felt sad. That’s it. No more classes with Leslie. I’ve come to the point where I know what I am talking about, but I want more. It feels like a heavy weight fell onto my chest. I am looking forward to the future, to starting in a new school and moving on and moving up. But, I loved my Renaissance Art classes, the comfortable easiness of her conversation and the humerous, absurd comments made (and I have been the speaker more than once). I still read my books for fun, trying to connect each artist via influence or locale. I don’t know how I did on my final – it was different from all of the other ones I have taken with her – but I had a short conversation with her and I felt a tug of sadness. I think the rain came to wash away the sadness. But it rained all night. I wonder if that means something

Tonight I have grammar class. I still have to do my homework. Let’s hear it for procrastination (and a stellar memory!). I hope that everyone who had finals last night feels good about it today. What’s done is done. It’s time to focus on the next one. Although, I say that now. I would like to run away from the finals…. far far away!

It’s time for me to get down to business. But all I really want to do is to daydream.

When I left class last night, it was wicked cold. The wind whipped my growing hair and stole the warmth from my skin. It was great!

Due to heavy rain and winds expected from Tropical Storm Ernesto, Rollins College will be closed on Wednesday, August 30.  All classes in all programs, including Arts & Sciences, the Hamilton Holt School and Crummer’s Early Advantage MBA and Professional MBA Orientations, have been canceled.

All students, faculty and staff are encouraged to turn off and unplug their computers (if you don’t have a surge protector).  Phones should not be unplugged.

Only essential personnel should report to work on Wednesday.  Employees should check with their supervisor if they are unsure.

Food service in the Cornell Campus Center will continue through lunch on Wednesday.  Residential students are encouraged to pick up boxed dinners in advance at the Cornell Campus Center or C-Store for Wednesday evening’s dinner.  The Campus Center will be open from 7 a.m. until 1 p.m. with limited service and the C-Store will be open from 8 a.m. to 1 p.m.

All scheduled classes and activities will resume on Thursday, August 31 and employees should report to work as usual.  Unless electrical power or electronic communication is unavailable following the storm, the Rollins Web site at www.rollins.edu will be the official source for information.  Status updates will be posted on the Web and recorded on the Rollins Information Hotline at 407-646-2000.

It’s a pretty storm. Not as intimidating as our other ones, but it is pretty. I think all storms are beautiful, even the ones that scare the shit out of me. He’s not tracking to smoosh us in Orlando right now. That’s a good thing. I have class. I can’t miss it because I have to work. But I have a job with a utility company that demands that I help with post-storm recovery… Le sigh…..

I’m feeling sorry for myself. I want to have a tantrum, but I know that’s not generally a socially acceptable way of releasing tension. On one hand my meds and brain are cooperating nicely. On the other hand, the side effects are a bitch. What’s more important? Moodswings or a job? So, that’s where my head’s at, and not up my ass.

I think Mr. Hurricane Alberto needs to piss off. We need the rain, but I like the 24 hour storms. We’ve lost power a couple times for minutes. Just enough time to freak the cable out and make the dogs tilt their head in confusion.

I had a dream that we sold our couch and bought plastic lawn furniture. Strange.

I need to eat. Happy Monday