Moody Meow

Flies have taken over my house. They glide and buzz through the air like small, drunk buses - thunking into my paper lanterns and computer screens. One landed on D’s face last night and I almost puked. He and I have become quite skilled in fly-killing. I try not to kill any bugs, I really [...]

We had a lovely break in the gray for the past few days. The weatherpeople even predicted sun for the weekend. They were wrong, of course. I woke to dark skies. Living here has changed my appreciatation for the blue of the sky and how sunlight feels when it’s unfiltered by high clouds or blocked [...]

I’m quite down, so let me start off apoligizing for the tone of this post. It’s kind of shitty that i’ve not blogged daily, and when I do, it’s one full of unecessary sadness, but that’s the way of my life right now. Let’s just blame it on the holidaze.  Since the birth of my [...]

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I’m out of meds, and as of a few weeks ago, I haven’t had anything in my system. I try to go to sleep with Benadryl and a beer (or three) and I end up fighting my brain until 6 in the morning, when exhausted, I finally fall asleep to the sound of hectic traffic. [...]

In another nonsensical episode of “This is Erica’s Life!” we discuss the hopes and dreams in Portland, the longing for a particular house and the joys of orange juice. Brought to you by Stress, Gray Hair and Irritable Personality Disorder. We now return to our regularly scheduled madness.
Cat’s going to look at a house for [...]

I had my last visit with the shrink. She seemed startled to see me, perhaps she didn’t recognize my name on the chart. The tattoo usually a good reminder We talked about why I hadn’t been back in so long, and where I am with my meds and my health. I honestly forgot to [...]

I’ve been digging through my imagination for an idea for the first peice I am writing for Seton Hill. In order to get us familiar with the process, we are submitting a short work (I think 5 pages) to the critique group before we meet in June. I’m assuming that I am supposed to come [...]

There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.

I know it has to be exhausting to hear my constant whine, and my own plaintive tone irritates bugs me. But I find that I can’t find the space to be calm right now. D and I talked about weaning me off my meds. It sounds like a good idea initially. I feel like I [...]

I feel down today. Work sucks. I get very angry when my efforts are discounted. I have a midterm that I am nervous about. The weight of the move is starting to strangle me, but I know all of this negative energy is generated by my mood issues.
To make myself happy, I am going to [...]

D’s off today. I’m working. No conversation about my abrupt departure from work on Friday. The silence is good for me. It gives me room to breathe.
It was damn cold this morning, and I kept waking up to check the time so that I could get up for my run. This resulted in a bone-deep [...]

I have a mental illness. I am manic depressive. And when it comes to coverage by my insurance company, if I have a full-on breakdown and require hospitalization, I will get only 10 days of paid in-facility treatment in my lifetime. Ten days, kids. When I had a staph infection, I was in the hospital [...]

Yesterday I was sick. Both mentally and physically. I left work in a huff over something very stupid and got home, cried, and felt like crap. I am realizing that there are physical manifestations of my manic depression, and they usually include a sour stomach (almost puking kind of tummy) and a mind rattling headache. [...]

I really wanted a coffee last night, right around 8. Bad idea. Mania has plagued me for days and adding coffee just would have prolonged the effect. Or even worse , upped the effects, where I live in a world of run-on sentences and lots of commas but absolutely no periods or semicolons because that’s [...]

I am in high fluctuation mode. Yes, I am hormonal. Yes, I know that’s why I am one big, sensitive bruise that cries at one misunderstood look. But, apples in salads make me happy. I am having a romaine, carrots (I love raw carrots), cheese (part of a stringy cheese stick), broccoli and apple salad [...]

I wanted to sleep last night. I needed it. Instead, I tossed and turned and tried to get into my favorite position (on my stomach one leg straight and the other bent and horizontal with my hip), and then I flipped onto my back and stared at the dark ceiling. Soft sounds, haunting and full [...]

I am in a horrifically scary place right now. It’s a result of things I can change, like eating and getting off my ass, but I push forward in spite of my own health. So, here I am, at work and all I can think about are the birds that greeted me when I walked [...]

Busy and in a shittastic mood. I’ve no reason to be upset. I had a great weekend, but I can’t carry that joy into this morning. I will write later about my accomplishments and observations. But, for now, I am going to try to get through today without running out of the building, screaming.

Moodswiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiingggggggggggg!!
Isn’t this fun?