Welcome to the manic mood. Today’s feature will be an inability to focus, lack of productivity and a slight case of naseua brought on by strange alien creatures setting up shop within your stomach lining. Please fast your seatbelts, and proceed with caution when making your way to the lavatory. We are expecting unexpected turbulence.
Fuck. I hate being bi-polar some days. Fucking hate it…..and its moments like this when I wish I was on meds. Is feeling this scattered, busy, tired, frustrated, joyus and anxious all at once healthy? Where’s the pause button. I need to breathe. I know that it started yesterday morning. My conversations with my mom and lex last night and driving Julie to the airport were all accomplished while trying to maintain focus. I’ve tried to explain it before, this overwhelming busy-ness while the world fuctions in slow motion. I think that’s why I didn’t really want to write yesterday….I can’t control the compulsions (the current one plaguing me is to leave work, smoke a bowl, drink a bottle of wine and watch Gladiator….sound preposterous, but it’s weighing on me like sopping clothes….it’s the only fully coherant thought that seems to make sense right now….)
Good things have happened. I got a present from Cat yesteday. She sent me tea (which I am going to drink tonight), lip balm, facial masks and a hand a cuticle cream. It’s taken me a long time to admit that I really like that kind of stuff. But the lip balm is great. And Cat, thanks for the tea-ball. I didn’t have one! You think of everything. I miss you. =(
I had my interview this morning (before breakfast, after coffee, in the middle of mania….bad scene). I thought it went well but my judgement is a touch off right now. They seemed fine with most of what I had to say, although they seemed hesitant about my school schedule and the fact that I had no electric experience. I refuse to give up school, even for the significant wage increase, but I did tell them that in order to get my training done properly, I would be willing to drop my summer class. I would have to shadow someone for a month, regardless of what shift they were working, and I can’t do that taking class. I figured the offer to be flexible would allow me a little more wiggle room in the decision. Tom, the head of the dispatch dept told me I did a great job, and that they are finishing their interviews today. I should find out this week. If I find out I got it I will drop the summer class and go ahead and train. If I don’t, then its chemistry of life all the way. So, I am hopeful. But it’s out of my hands now.
Julie is up north visiting her sister, so I am the Ming-sitter until she gets back (on Sunday). I still think Voodoo’s the sexiest of all the Eva-spawn, but I am slightly biased, and I know this.
Pip now understands that he can jump the trellis on the porch. Fuck.
Perhaps I should work in my garden when I get home. I think physcial activity is really needed right now……
There is more I meant to write about…but its taking too much stuff right now…. I think I will go smoke….
Meow | 
08 24th, 2005| 
