Moody Meow

We didn’t have our normal Biggest Loser workout. The show was delayed because of the stupid Blazers game. I hate professional sports. I always have, and for reasons like that - they ruin my shows. That and, wouldn’t it be more entertaining to go out and PLAY the fucking sport yourself? Instead you sit and cheer for a bunch of overpaid crybabies with massive egos. Anyway, this is not a rant about the fallacies of others, even basketball players.

Adam and Danielle and I worked our for 2 hours while watching Dancing with the Stars. It was mildly amusing, but not the inspiration I wanted. I drink a lot of water in the two hours. In my multiple trips to the bathroom, I finally stopped ignoring the scale, which sat right next to the door. I haven’t had the courage to step on a scale since we moved. I figured I’d gained some weight. I didn’t figure on 20 lbs. I weigh a whopping 170 lbs now. It’s disgusting. I look at myself and nothing looks right or correct or attractive. I’m a mockery of who I used to be. But I know how it happens. I eat well for most of the week, but drink my way through the weekend, keep chips (they were mutligrain but I convinced myself they were okay), cheese, the easy dinners full of crap off our plates, and stop sitting on my ass without doing anything. Every time we go out - do I really need to drink? Do I need the dessert? It’s fucking ridiculous. As you may be able to tell, I’m really pissed at myself. I quit smoking (save for the occassional slip up). I stoped using drugs. I can do this.

I need to forgive myself for fucking up so royally and move on. D has gotten me up at 6 each morning this week. Yesterday morning I spent time with the dogs, watched the news, did everything BUT working out. This morning, I rolled into a ball and cried. This is where being manic depressive is handy because I can kind of justify this behavior on being crazy - or I could just be an adult and admit that I feel awful for becoming this thing - this weak, self-pitying, self-serving indulgent shit. My Grandmother was morbidly obese most of her adult life. While some of her weight gain was genetic, she also loved rich foods and cocktails. I can’t remember her ever wearing something that wasn’t mumu-ish.  I should learn my lesson.

And that is the end of my old ways.

See, I’ve changed a lot. I won’t tolerate bullshit from people. I tell the truth, even if it makes me look like an ass. I forgive people, rather than holding grudges (for the most part, there are some people out there who deserve a serious thwapping, but I am a work in progress and trying to get beyond those feelings). I don’t eat animals. I don’t wear animals (is that leather in my shoe?). But what I need to do now is to get out of my own way and bulldoze to success as I always do. When I change my mind, it’s changed for good. And most of the time, whatever or whoever I cut out of my life is gone forever.

I took steps last night. I am going to use my iPhone to track my caloric intake (instead of doing Body for Life, which just seems too much for me), and my workouts. I am going to work out 6 days a week, no excuses. I belong to a groovy little gym, full of supportive and positive people. I have a brilliant little runsong for varaiation. I have dogs to walk in a park less than 4 blocks from my house. I have an elliptical trainer next to my desk.

I’ve said much of this before. But I didn’t weigh 170lbs then…….ugh.

So by the time I go back to school in two months, I want to have lost at least 10 lbs…maybe more. I won’t starve myself (I love food too much) and I won’t punish myself. The number shocked me, and I won’t allow a number to scare the shit out of me like that ever again.

Erica’s gonna move.

(so that entire entry is scattered in terms of tone and focus, but it is what it is. Welcome to my brain).

And I also found out that one of my classmates from Seton Hill passed away from melanoma. Please, people, get your funny looking spots checked out!

For a lighter rest of your day - links.

• After moving to Portland, I’ve come to love the hoody. They are far more interesting here, in shapes and fabrics that are more fashionable.  Perhaps that is because the climate is perfect for them. That being said, I want this one — yes it’s expensive. But a girl can lust, now can’t she?
• It’s horribly endangered, and I wouldn’t want one as a pet, but OMG!!! It’s so CUTE!!
• I hated losing my virginity the first time. Who in their right mind would put the freaking hymen BACK? (no knife is going near my stuff, I don’t care how it looks). What in the hell does a perfect pubis look like? And what does it say about us a society that this is even a viable surgery? Would you do this?
• One of the benefits of living in Portland - I am on  Shizzow. Okay, so I jumped on the bandwagon yesterday and I haven’t had a chance to use it much yet. A few days and I will publish a review. So far, so good though. (the link is to a Wired article, since it’s still limited to Portland and San Fran). There are lots of little tech startups here, and a very supportive community that celebrates each success. It’s a good place for geeks.

I haven’t done this in a while. But I thought I would give you some entertainment for the afternoon.

• Eww Eww Eww Eww Eww…. and that’s all I can say about this story. Oh, and I’m glad I don’t live in a place where these fuckers can breed… like FLORIDA!
• Goodnight Little Lander.. You outlasted your expected lifespan. I am always a little sad when I read stories of our far-flung technologies that become stranded in the great beyond. Their other story, the one that begins when we stop communicating with them, needs to be a story, I think. I’ll get right on that. And no, I wasn’t being sarcastic.
• I love the word Fuck. It’s useful, a chameleon word that changes meaning with inflection and use, and it never ceases to get my mother’s annoyed attention. Yeah, I know I’m 32 and I should stop goading my mother now, but it’s just so fun. But the article talks about the genesis and the modern usage.
• Can you laugh at a black president? I think you can. Obama isn’t a perfect man. No man is. And those imperfections are SO much fun to joke about. I really hope that comedians I like, like Bill Mahr and John Stewart, don’t shy from mocking Obama. I know buffoonery is easy to mock, but it will be nice to see what the comedians come up with.
• Economic downturn? Go to school! The government is now guaranteeing student loans. Thank god.

And that’s all for today.

Calie, my wonderfully brilliant critique partner lives in Wilmington, NC. She called me from an Obama benefit where James Taylor was singing. Calie works in a theatre, and has many fun stories about the theatre antics. And I got an e-mail from her this week saying that she would be at the event. But the best part? She called me when he was singing “You’ve Got a Friend.” I will admit, I got a little teary eyed.

For Calie and all my friends…… James Taylor —

Read the rest of this entry »

I have a shitton of writing to do and the deadline is today. I, Erica the MoodyMeow, am the queen of “the absolute last minute.” I think I should get a crown or something. While the dogs finish eating, a few quickies and I will leave you…

• Being a part-time vegetarian? I think being more conscious of your eating habits, and knowing where you get your nutrients from is a good thing. That’s not to say that all vegetarians give a cow’s ass where their cheese came from, or whether or not their lettuce is organic. I do pay attention, close attention these days. I’m an ethical vegetarian. If it had a face, I’m not going to eat it. That’s why eggs (chicken abortions, as the sick joke goes) are okay. I don’t drink milk because it makes me fart. I do eat cheese because it’s tasty (but I try to be a good girl about where it comes from). Now the idea of part-time vegetarianism interested me, but I think slapping a complicated name like Flexitarianism is kind of a bullshit way of saying “I eat less meat and don’t care if there’s anchovy past in the caesar dressing.” Do you really need a unique name for someone who is more conscious of what they put in their bodies? I don’t think you do … personally, I think that should just be human nature. But I also realize that I am at an income bracket where being selective about what I eat is easy. When I was broke (brizzzzzoke), it was harder. But I think all people, even those with less money, should seek out quality ingredients, and bring more green to the table. No everyone has to be a vegetarian, but if you are more conscious of what you eat, I’ll call you anything you want - including a flexitarian (which by the way, sounds like some kind of contortionist from Cirque).
• Bill Mahr vs …well even the View - I’m a big fan of his. I think he’s got some “interesting” things to say, but on the whole, I shout praise at the TV every time I watch him. His opinion on religion is not one that I share, if you were wondering. No, I did not drink the Jesus juice, but I do believe there is something other than us out there, and I’ve never been so egotistical as to assign it a name, but I do believe in an “other” or an “us”… it depends on my mood. Bill Mahr takes issue with the literal translation of the bible. That Jeezycreezy jumped up out of the grave after 3 days is biologically impossible. And if God’s telling you to do something, you may want to see a shrink. I agree with him because I think most of the major worlds religions are twisted into rhetoric instead of healing. Extremist Christians live in this great country, and if you are in the right part of the country (unintended pun there), you couldn’t turn a corner without seeing 13295743 churches on one street. I don’t care that Sherri Shepherd believes in zombie Jesus day. Good for her. But I do care that this country has changed with the upsurge of the Christian right.
• A great interview with the Remember the Milk’s cofounder - I’m really starting to embrace all the little apps that help make my life easier. It’s much easier now that I have an iPhone, but I used RTM with my little Pebbl. It was clunky but efficient. RTM is still one of the best apps out there for task management.
• I offically hate Miley - Sweetheart, when you were still boogying to your daddy’s craptastic music, I was at Disney with the gays. Gay Days is THE BEST day to go to Disney, even if you aren’t “one of the family.” I went with a gaggle of gay boys I knew from my bar, and we rode Space Mountain (you have never heard screaming until you have a train full of gay boys in the dark….and I didn’t mean that as literally as it sounded). We got wet, tired, dirty, sunburned, and I met some of the most amazing people ever. And the party didn’t stop there. That’s a post for another time. But the point is that Gay Days has become an institution. Disney defended it in a kind of roundabout manner some years ago when the Christian Right swore to boycott. And now, it’s just something that happens every year. I think it should have been respected. But, Miley is their bitch, their progeny, their moneymaker - and if Cinderella wants the gays to go, then she gets her wish. —— I hope her party sucks.
• Divorce Cakes - Just one question - why are most of them bloody?
• I love Heroes, and I really, really, really love the music.Good music is iconic. Hum a few bars of the Indiana Jones theme and watch people perk up (and it’s been stuck in my head for months since I’ve been playing the Lego version), or the ominous sounds of Vader’s theme. Music can be forceful, and perk up plots that would otherwise feel shallow. The music in Heroes doesn’t overwhelm, it typifies. It doesn’t prop up plot, rather it adds dimension. I can’t wait to get the score!
• From Since You Asked on Salon - Sarah Palin is Ruining My Life - I won’t go as far as to say she’s ruined my life, but I’ve had to pull away from the election for a bit. It’s been abusive, nasty, and hypocritical. Eternally an idealist, I think the harsh realities of modern politics turns my stomach. I’m too gentle a creature (stop laughing, or I will thwap you) to deal with the madness. Can’t we all just get along? But I’m realizing we can’t. I work with people who think the same way I do. I live and talk with people who echo my feelings. We all really despise the Republican ticket. But there are the others, friends and family, who don’t agree. Is the divisive nature of the modern political world eating them up to? Is there a way around the bullshit name calling and lies?

Beagles are done eating. It’s time for homework.

This is bullet-form day. I rarely have time to blog anymore with my schedule. Work is nuts, all the time, which is a good thing. I’m never bored, but there are rarely lulls that would allow me to blog. And by the time I get home, I just want to unwind.

• The Best Compliment - I finished Calie’s critique way late. I’ve been way late for most of this term, either to to emotional issues (it’s hard to write about hope when you don’t have any), technical issues, or life issues. The thing I’ve realized is that no matter how shitty my life gets, I can’t drag her into my mess. She deserves a good crit partner, and since we decided to go as a 2 person team, I’m all she’s got school wise (beyond her fucking amazing mentor). I sat down, over the course of several days, and critted the hell out of her story. I love the premise, and the world. I think she and I have similar problems in getting into a deeper POV, but she’s got an amazingly twisted mind and a fluid writing style. I read the submission all the way through several times so that I could digest things properly. When all was said and done and I turned it in to her, I waited for the e-mail saying “Moody, you bitch! Can’t you do this well?” but what I got was “You are the best crit partner ever.” She understand that my inclination to pick out things and ask questions is not beating up the story, it’s about dissecting it to make it a better story. It feels really good when someone understands and appreciates your intentions
• Going to #Wordcampdx tomorrow - I’m painfully nervous. I won’t know anyone, but I am braving the wilds anyway. What is it? Look and see. I hope to meet some interesting people, learn more about the abilities of Wordpress, and figure out how to make my writing site more interesting. I’ve been on MoodayMeow since 2003 in some ideration or another, but if I plan on becoming a professional writer when I grow up (which will be when I turn 50, I’ve decided… I have a few years) then I need to establish a professional, interesting web presence. And I love social media, so joining my blog and twitter or the other technology crack I’m addicted to — it’s good stuff. Oh! And there’s a copyright section! I had plans to put parts of my book up, but worried about copyright. Hopefully this will answer some questions. It’s an all-day event, and it won’t leave me much time for editing my own writing, but the deadline’s not till Tuesday. I should be okay.
• I had more to write, but I’m crazy busy. Maybe tomorrow?

Go to a “special” women’s group - It’s no surprise to many of you (and if it is, sorry! ) that I am way freaking out of the closet with my sexuality. I’m Bi, and proud of it. No, it’s not a phase. Yes, I can be bi, monogomous, and married. No, I don’t want a threesome, please drive though. But what I am interested in is meeting like-minded people with similar experiences and feelings on personal issues. I found a group of bi women that meet regularly through meetup.com, so I joined the group (and the very spirited forum) and went today for my first meeting. I brought a good friend (thank the goddess you are in my life! even though you don’t read my blog, you bitch!) and we ventured forth to Sellwood and a groovy little new age store. The group was spirited, opinionated, and full of beautiful women of all different kinds. I felt like a total ass, being slightly insecure and totally shy (yes, I can be shy), so I didn’t feel like I had control of what I was saying. I’m like a puppy who gets too excited when new people are around and I just blurt out what ever’s in my head. The conversation ran the gamut - from what being “bi” really is to how to approach other bi women. Because I felt like I made a total ass out of myself, we high tailed it outta there so I could lick my wounds in private. But I am really excited to be a part of this group of women. Let’s see if I can be a little more eloquent next time.

Go to a photography class - Miss Amandapants gave me the best gift a friend could ever give - she and I are taking a photography class together at New Space. It’s the ‘holy shit now you have a digital camera and you don’t know how to use it dumbass” class. Mmmm.. kay - it’s not exactly that title, but you get the idea. We wanted to go for some of the more advance classes, but I honestly need to learn a lot more about my Nikon before I get all fancy. The class is a gift for my burpday. We can’t wait.

Go To Bloggy type things - I signed up to go to WordCamp PDX. I’ve been a Wordpress user for years, but there’s a lot more I would like to learn. I’m really excited about the session on Copyrights and the other session that discusses integrating other system with a wordpress blog (like Twitter, my new addiction). It’s going to be fun! While it’s not till the end of the month, it’s still on my calender of things to do. I love having a calender like this.

Go to Vinideus - D and I are fond of this place. We brought Miss Amandapants with us on Friday, and I think she fell in love too. The atmosphere is quite chill. I love going into a place and being welcomed personally. The owners are congenial and warm and all of their suggestions have been spot-on. They also have wonderful desserts. It’s a great way to spend a Friday.

Go searching for the house you almost took - On Saturday, D and I drove up to Linnton to see if we could check out the house we almost took up there - It was the scary one my sister looked at. The drive up took us behind the industrial area on 30, and north of the St. John’s Bridge. When D and I finally remembered the road (he has a memory like a steel trap), we shimmied up, and almost turned down into the driveways. I decided I would have loved it up there, but it would have made the experience of moving to Portland completly different. Where we live now is in the heart of a very active neighborhood (Concordia), and full of traffic and people and energy. The place in Linnton had all the majesty nature could provide, but the human element was missing. I can’t say I’m 100% happy with the house we have now, nor could I say I would have been 100% happy with that place, but it does have the natural element that the city limits are missing.

I hope you had a lovely weekend….and now I have to call my sister back.

I spent most of last night playing with Soundstudio, stringing together a few songs for my run. I bought this book years ago, and have had many aborted attempts at getting a running program started for myself. And I love D - what ever I needed, he was willing to get. I have great shoes. I have a lovely Nano. I’ve got a sportsbra that makes the girls look good. But the one thing I had a hard time with was the intervals. I’m supposed to run (it’s the beginning of the program…. so don’t laugh), for 30 seconds and then walk  for a minute, and I do that for half an hour. I know, it sounds kind of lame, but I really think it worked the last few times I tried it. The reason I quit running - getting up early in the morning. I’ve grown really insecure about my body, so I spent most of the last year refusing to do anything outside of the house for fear of the horror I would inflict on others.

“Is that an elephant, or a hippo running down the sidewalk?”

“I think that thunder! Oh no, it’s just that wheezy, red-faced slob running. Hope she has earthquake insurance.”

Silly, yeah I know, but it’s just what I deal with.

That being said, it’s hard to time yourself when you are supposed to be running. I tried using a stop watch to time myself, but I ended up tripping over my feet or a curb (and I had a near miss with a light post). The solution, because I’m fucking brilliant, was to throw a switch queue in the appropriate places of various songs. The result - 45.4 minutes of: Coldplay, Ladytron, Underworld, Fluke, Nelly Furtado, a song from Oceans 12 (when the Fox goes through the laser maze), Outkast, and a song from the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack. The queue is from a song called, of all things, “Switch” and of course it’s D&B. All in all, I am pretty pleased with it. I forced myself to warm up with the Coldplay song, and the rest of the time I varied the run time from 30 seconds to 1 full minute. It’s not sticking exactly to plan, but I thought it would be good to challenge myself a little. And once I get “used” to this runsong, I will make another, because I noticed that I started to slow down in anticipation of the switch with the last runsong I made.

So, when will I run? Tonight. If I put on my sneakers, the dogs go apeshit (or would that be beagleshit?), so it’s easier for the whole family if D accompanies me with the dogs. Puck just can’t run like that anymore. Pip will be amazing to run with, but trying to seperate the “pack” makes him a little nervous.

But right now, I have to figure out what’s for dinner…. and get some reading done.

Let me reiterate for the record: I’m very liberal, voting for Obama. I think Bill Richardson would make an excellent VP. I am very anti-war. That doesn’t mean I hate the troops, and if you want to come back at me with that argument, stick it up your ass. Being a military brat, and the SIL to an Airman, I do support them. But there’s a fine line between doing good overseas and making things a bajillion times worse, and that is what our President has done. The real war, the first one, should have been in Afgahnistan. I think the Dem congress has been sitting on their ass, licking their chops, waiting— for something. What that something is, I just don’t know, but it’s disgusting. I hate Fox news (and most national news agencies, but they have a special place in my colon - because they are full of shit), believe in gay rights and don’t understand racism.

Mmmm k. Got all that?

First in the arena - McCain is paying bloggers to post his talking points. This is just shady, kids. I’m a naive idealist, so I will continue to believe that bloggers are mostly outside the corproate/polically run arena. Yeah, USA today has bloggers, and Anderson Cooper blogs, but those connections we know about. Having a candidate >pay< someone to fluff him up and not reveal the nature of the connection is just duplicitous and wrong. And here is where I get all idealist again — I don’t think Obama has to do this. He’s got a grassroots thing going on the net (via Myspace, Friendster, etc) that has payed off in millions of dollars, tons of new democrat voters, and volunteers. He’s got a fire behind his campaign. McCain just looked like the old guard trying to do the new guard tricks. I thought this was supposed to be the respectable campaign. I was wrong.

Now, on to my loathing for Fox news. It has been revealed that they were given “literal talking points to discuss on their prime time news segments.” Does this not smack of propaganda? Granted, this was reported on MSNBC, who has their own bias (I’m naive, not stupid), but I don’t think anyone except Bush and his cronies would ever get this blatant. And I find it reprehensible that a “news” company would take the bait and report the talking points as news. I really do loathe Fox news. My mom told me that to understand an argument, you had to see it from all sides, especially when it came to politics. Fine. I subjected myself to Fox and Friends on several mornings, watched a few snippets with their talking heads in the evenings… but it was so hateful. MSNBC has taken to “reporting” with the same attitude. I don’t want snarky commentors to tell me what to think. Just the facts…. please.

Now this wackjob takes the cake. And he’s from Florida, figures. I am beyond amazed that this kind of racism still exists.

And on a completely non-political note. Go over to Claire’s blog! She’s having a Pay It Forward contest. You should enter!

Oh…and it’s NOT 90 DEGREES TODAY!!! I’M SO HAPPY!!!!

August is Go By Bike month! (although I’m not sure whether this is local or not)…but go to the site. Take a look  - especially if you are local, and give a try to going by bike!

I’ve had some hiccups with friends recently. I’m either excluded from the important things, or some get on their high horses, hurt my feelings, and the blame the whole situation on me. Now, shit happens. I totally get that. But I’m more than a little tired of fighting with people. My mantra is “life’s too short to read shitty books” and that’s applicable to my entire life.  It’s time to move on. There are ties to a past that I need to cut fully, unresolved feelings that I really need to get over. The darkness doesn’t effect anyone but me.

One thing I find interesting, as more of a general comment, is that when I go back and look at the archives, I still self-edit. I didn’t get fully into how hurt and pissed I was when Natalia left me in Gainseville, nor the misery that ensued when I found out indirectly via Myspace that A got married, nor how the Dogfather’s distance turned into total silence. Those things really effected me. They still do. Those events laid the groundwork for the current issue(s), and how I will ultimately handle them. And again, I will try to figure out what I did wrong. But sometimes people don’t do anything wrong. Could I have been a better person, a better friend? Shit, yes. We all can, but I don’t think I’m to blame this time. With others, absolutly. I’ve paid my karma debt…. this one ain’t on me. But again….it’s time to move on.

Read the rest of this entry »

It’s been a rough week overall. I have very supportive friends that are helping me through being out of work, but then I found out that I’m not eligible for unemployment this quarter. If I file in September, then I am eligible, but right now I don’t have enough hours. It’s a screwy system that isn’t making my life easier. This makes my job hunt more urgent. I bathed myself in misery yesterday, wallowed in the impossibility, and then pulled myself up by the bootstraps and got to working through my feelings of hopelessness.I also managed to take a shower, which is a huge thing when one is depressed.

Miss C showed me my birthday present yesterday It’s freaking beautiful. I don’t know the artist’s name (help me out C!!) but once I take a picture you will love it. It’s a print by a modern artist who took the “Last Supper” by DaVinci and turned it on its ear. It’s the last supper in McDonalds. Trust me, it’s fucking amazing.

While wandering around Portland, in search for a place to satisfy my Duny collecton, Miss C found this place, and we’ve been going there ever since. They have a gallery where they show modern artists, and that was where we found this person. It’s a great place. The staff are really nice (especially the guy in the gallery that we talked to) and they have Dunys. It’s a happy place.

I’ve blanketed Portland with my resume. I haven’t written much at all because I’m so freaked out about the money, but my job right now is to write the novel, work out, and get the doggies in better shape. Valentine’s thing will work itself out. We will do what we have to do, but for now, I need to write, apply to 3 jobs that interested me, and then get some serious writing done. Oh, and I am due to head to the library because my mentor assigned me a few books.

D and I are going to see the Dark Knight tonight. I can’t wait.

Hope your week has gone well…..

I think. I’m really shitty with dates, but I think a year ago-ish, we arrived in Portland. We spent the 4th with my Mom in Frisco, that much I do remember. But we’ve been here a year, and a lot has changed. Too much has remained the same. And time marches on. Here is what I’ve learned in a year….

• Money is the marriage-killer. D and I went through a really rough time in the beginning and I think part of it was due to my obsession about having “enough” money. Then with the uncertainty of both of our job situations, well it made for tense times. I hate money. I love toys and presents. But I would rather not have 1 more gadget if it meant that D and I didn’t fight about money. We don’t fight now, thank goodness. We both have good jobs, but man, that was tough.
• Things happen the way they should. Being a scattered planner, I wanted things to work out a particular way. But life just doesn’t cooperate like that and I had to accept being wrong, and understand that going with the flow doesn’t mean giving up.
• Giving too much is worse than not giving enough.
• Distance doesn’t make the heart grow fonder, it makes you forget.
• I, the MoodyMeow, am not a superhero. I wish I was. I think my power would be to make flowers bloom and smell pretty, or to smite people without killing them.
• After 30, my skin has gone to hell. I’m a blemish factory. It’s disgusting.
• There’s no place better to eat, drink, and be merry than Portland.
• Thunderstorms are miraculous, and worth paying attention to.
• Death has made me fully realize that life’s too short to waste your time.
• Bookstores are heaven.
• How to get from my house to pretty much anywhere in Portland proper. Now, if I need to go outside the city limits, I’m screwed.
• Speaking of which, I need a GPS device rammed into my temple, and have a constant link to my sister who can guide me through Vancouver to Battle Ground when I need to go. It would just be easier if we were telepathically linked so I didn’t have to worry about my phone dying on me.
• No matter what the financial or emotional cost, family is incredibly important.
• My hair is a lot heavier than I remembered.
• I miss my shaved head.
• Pip is allergic to grass….we think. He was allergic to everything in Florida, but his allergies calmed down when we moved. Now they are acting up again. He’s getting bald spots, poor beast. At least we don’t have fleas.
• I don’t miss fleas, palmetto bugs, roaches, black widows, spiderwebs under the house, that scary-ass shed in the back yard of Nebraska Street, monsoons, being under trees and getting wetter than you would if you just stood in the storm, heat, humidity, and hurricanes.
• I do miss the thwap/whusssh sound of the sprinklers hitting the palms in Leu Gardens, red-bellied woodpeckers, bats, purple sunsets, thunderstorms at dusk, the sound of the rain on the chimney-cap, low-hanging eaves and windows that opened, the Nebraska Street front porch, the Rollins Campus.

I spoke with Mom yesterday as she left the plane. She sounded tired, worn, blue, and uneasy. But I made her laugh (it’s what us kids do), and she promised to call with any news. It’s nearly noon on the East coast, and no word. But my phone is still on.

And things keep rolling. Although Lex and I are making our preperations to head east, I still have school in 2 weeks. I still have plans to make for that, writing to do, editing to work on, and I have to figure out how to ship wine to the hotel for Calie and me.  You can’t take wine on a plane. The terrorists love wine.

I finally bought my bag for school. I  borrowed Amandapant’s suitcases for my last trip to Seton Hill, and had my vintage bags busted open during my first trip. After Amanda was kind enough to let me borrow hers, Pip decided that my toothpaste needded to be freed from the bag, and ripped a hole in the mesh pocket. So I don’t want to borrow her bags again for fear of beagle destruction. Being that I’m still sad, I’m attempting to relieve my depression and feelings of insigificance with retail therapy, kittens. I’m turning into my mother…ugh.

I’ve been a fan of Tom Bihn since about 2004 or so. My first purchase  was a laptop bag, then D and I shelled out a few clams for the Cafe Bags. I’ve had my eye on the Imago for since they developed it, but I’m really happy with my Timbuk2 bag for the day to day stuff. This bag should force me to pack lighter, which is good. For some reason I’m always compelled to bring huge bottles of shampoo and spare towels. If I was staying in the dorm, that would be understandable, but I’m in a hotel room. They have shampoo. They have towels. I should just chill.

I also went on a mini shopping spree at Threadless.com - I blame my mother again. She made me love sales, and threadless was haveing a killer sale, so I bought shirts. And I love this one. Because it’s true. Okay, it’s not true, but it still makes me laugh. And laughter, my friends, is the cure for what ails you. So is alphabet soup, at least, that’s what I hear.

In my sad attempts to try and eat healthier, I went to Subway for lunch the other day. Chill. I wasn’t anywhere near Portland, otherwise I would have stopped in on one of my favorite restaurants. Every Wednesday I drive to Battle Ground for a meeting, during the lunch hour, and they don’t have much up there for vegetarians. Hence, Subway. The Veggie Sandwich thingy isn’t half bad, considering my pallet has grown up a little and now allows for a lot more vegetables.

What it still doesn’t allow for is any part of anything that used to have eyes.

Mmm k. With sandwich in hand, and a bag of Lay’s Baked Mesquite BBQ chips (and a glass of water because their iced tea was awful), I sat down to inhale my glorified cheese sandwich. I like to read when I eat, so for the first time ever, I read the ingredients on the Baked Lays bag. Down at the bottom, in wee little letters: chicken fat.

Read the rest of this entry »

Let this be a warning…I’m on my “I can’t fucking stand self-important Christians who tread on hypocritical moral high ground” soapbox… Why? Because it’s pre-coffee time, I forgot my breakfast and I pissed at the world that I had to get out of bed this morning.

Only someone who is painfully idiotic or completly unaware would hand me a card that had “congrats to your new spawnling - it was a present from god” or some such shite on it, and actually expect me to sign it. Getting preggers isn’t that much of a miracle, at least not in my mind. It doesn’t take intelligence, and for many it’s not even a choice. For this mother it was, and so I signed the card, but the person who handed me the card irks me daily, and she, with her bible-loving heart, picked the fucking thing. No one in the office is religious, only this woman. Even the new mom is not a church goer, and I felt very uncomfortable signing a card that indicated something in which I don’t belive.

And the fucking thing was pink.

Someone please, just stab me in the eyeballs with the broad end of an umbrella.

—- Post Lunch —

Lunch: the rest of my morning coffee, funky pasta with vodka cream sauce, and some Depeche Mode. I almost like humans again.

Read the rest of this entry »

Thwap - that’s what this would sound like. When I was half asleep, trying to wake up and uncurl myself from around a particularly cute pile of beagles, I listened to the morning talking heads chewing on this story with a kind of sick relish.  What do I think about this?

Fucking duh!

But I am now interested in reading the book. Not because it Bush bashes, because Mr. McClellan was on of Bush’s chums. I don’t think there’s going to be a lot of overt criticism of the president But Rice, and Powell, and Rove - those stories still interest me, although I know they will royally piss me off.

I never finished my weekend recap.

Read the rest of this entry »

I was negligent in linking back to Claire, who began this thing. Sorry

And now, to the silliness….

What were you doing five years ago?
May of 2003:
1) Living in the duplex in the Delaney Park neighborhood of Orlando.

2.) Still able to drink a gallon of wine with D without getting wicked hung over.

3.) Going to Southern Night with David July on work nights.

4.) Planned on starting college??

5.) I have a shittastic memory, so that entire section could be untrue

What are five things on your to-do list for today (not in any particular order)?
1. Clean the litter box…my basement reeks
2. Vote
3. Try to cheer the world up
4. Poop
5. Read more of Bird by Bird - by Anne Lamott (I miss Dr. Laws, and her writing classes)

What are five snacks you enjoy?
1. Chips and salsa
2. Hit cookies - they are a kind of cookie, not what you should do if I have one and you want it.
3. popcorn - no butter just salt
4. chips and salsa
5. Dry roasted almonds

What five things would you do if you were a billionaire?
1. Buy a house with a big porch, a big backyard, two offices (So D and I don’t have to share), a library, with a well appointed kitchen and an indoor grill.
2. Put money into college funds for my sister’s spawn, and my birthdaughter
3. Take D to Rome
4. Buy a vineyard
5. Spend the rest of my life writing, and not working for the man

What are five of your bad habits?
1. Smoking
2. Speeding
3. Road Rage
4. Not picking up my socks from the living room
5. The internet (it’s a habit)

What are five places where you have lived?
1. Miami, FL
2. Geaukonighshaufen, Germany
3. Egenburg, Germany
4. Fayetteville, NC
5. Portland, OR (home sweet home)

What are five jobs you’ve had?
1. Professional office monkey
2. Bitchy bartender
3. Food Server with chip on shoulder
4. Bookseller (one of my favorite jobs)
5. Bath & Body stock girl (with a fully pierced face, so they kept me in the back room, trying to kill me with all of those over-powerful scents.

Which five people do you want to tag?

1.) Topsy

2.) Amandapants

3.) Cat

4.)D (although I know he won’t because he just trolls the blog hehehe)

5.) Someone from school (I see you, you Seton Hill lurkers!)

Does coffee give you gas? Or is it just that time when I have to poo in the morning? Who knows. I don’t put milk in my coffee anymore, so I know it’s not the lactose thing. Chill out, there, Sparky. I still like my coffee all creamy, but I use soy creamer now. There’s nothing worse than the stench of rotten milk. Except baby shit…that’s not my favorite smell in the world. Ooohh…and the smell of that hellspawn animal under our house. It may be a possum. Don’t ask me to look though.

I medicated myself to sleep last night. Hard drugs…you know…
*whispering*
Benadryl…. shhh….

Seriously, an hour after I take that stuff I’m sleeeeeeping like a leetle bambino. I’ve needed it. I’m “diamond in the ass” wound up. Meaning? Jam a peice of coal up my colon and … PRESTOCHANGO! Shazzam! Diamond in less than 10 seconds.

Wait. Maybe that’s why I have gas. Diamonds!

I don’t know where I’m going with this.

Obama won NC. Wh00t!

• Fucking, only in Florida. Teacher gets in trouble for wizardry. Jeezus.
• Tooth check. Make ‘em better naturally. I heart black tea.
• Easy targets - fishermen (maybe) shoot sea lions at dam. This is a local issue to Portland, and the upper NW, but I think it resonates. Regardless of your beliefs, killing an animal in a trap is just fucking stupid. Unless you are into that whole “sport” hunting thing like Cheney. I understand that people are frustrated by the lack of salmon, and that these creatures are eating them up, but people dammed up the rivers. Want to blame someone, look in the mirror.
• Lifehacker tips for blogging. I need to use these more often.
• Big booty = less chance of diabetes! W0000 h000! I knew having a fat ass would do some some good someday.
• I’m all giddy for Batman, but Two-face looks fucked up. Hmm.

It’s a touch early, but D and I renewed our lease verbally yesterday with the landlady. She wanted to make sure we wanted to stay in the place. It’s damn hard to find rental properties here in Portland, damn hard. And although the house is far from perfect, it’s still our place, and it can only be as good as we make it. So, the gardening will begin shortly and maybe I’ll even fix the tiles on the porch (the enntire front porch is tiled). I can’t believe I graduated from Rollins almost a year ago, and I’m through my first year as a master’s student. Time sure does fly. There still aren’t any solid plans to return to the flaccid penis state…except maybe in November to surprise his Momma for her birthday. That’s WAY up in the air right now. We’ll see….

I’m off to meetings in Battle Ground. Remind me to tell you about the hawks and the highway.

We had a lovely break in the gray for the past few days. The weatherpeople even predicted sun for the weekend. They were wrong, of course. I woke to dark skies. Living here has changed my appreciatation for the blue of the sky and how sunlight feels when it’s unfiltered by high clouds or blocked by the thick, rainy ones that have taken up permanent residence over the Pacific NW (Yes, I know I moved here, and that’s what the weather is like…I’m just sayin….). Florida’s light was so dramatic, and changable. While the storms do move swiftly through Portland, generally the light is flat. It makes taking pictures hard for me. I like golden light and long shadows. But yesterday, when the sun set, the white-flowered trees look like they glowed. The animals stationed themselves at differend doors, sniffing the wind and warming themselves in the sun. I was almost dissapointed to get out of bed. But it is Friday…..

Tonight is BATTLESTAR (you can watch the whole episode online right now, I think). Dood…. I’m such a geek, so I’ll link you to a few things.

• Here is an 8 minute recap of the first 3 seasons. It’s actually really informative and kind of funny.
• The Coolest fucking T-shirt ever….  But really, only if you are a Battlestar dork.
• Wired did a short piece. They also interviewed Six….
• An interesting interview with Ron Moore. He seems like kind of a prick when doing his podcasts, but I admire his vision. It’s going to be a good season.

I’m having a hard time with the sanity lately, and I am sane enough to understand that there’s an issue (Ignorance is truly bliss…I used to act nutso and didn’t give a shit what happened later….fucking conscience). Not working out as much as I should, I admit, but I’m alternately exhausted and then wound up so tight it feels like my head is going to explode. I’m reactionary…..at work. This is not boding well for my career with my company. The paranoia that comes with mania for me is getting worse, so I’m just trying to keep my nose clean. Tonight, I will get on my trainer before I do anything else, and I will try to calm down. There’s more writing to be done. My muse is sometimes amused when I’m manic, but more often than not I spin my wheels and wonder why the fucking novel won’t write itself.

Speaking of the weekend. Miss Amandapants is taking us to a rugby game! Wh00t! I’m excited. I’ll take pictures for you. I’m sure there will be blood, and that’s a good thing, no?

Hope you are having a Happy Flyday.

I’m finally in a city where Cirque tours, but I thougt I wouldn’t be able to see this one. It’s kind of expensive (how much were the tickets at Disney again?). Cortero is  a newer show  and it opened on March 1.  We can see the tents eretectd Downtown for the show. D and I kept saying “well…. maybe in a week or two.” Well, D is the man, because he got us tickets for next month. I totally didn’t expect it !

He also took me to my first Cirque experience in Orlando. For Valentine’s day, he took us to the HOB and then to see amazing acrobats bouncing through windows in an elevated wall via trampolines and beautiful men soaring on red curtains.  Their bodies, their strength and grace amazed me. Theatrics thrill me, but being anti-animal circus, I don’t get the opportunity to go to the big top. I prefer Circque. Their costumes are magnificent. The music moves me, it’s just an amazing expereience.

So, I gotta date on April 8th. Mesa Happy E.

Hope your Monday is going as well as mine.