I will admit to keeping one out. It’s about my birthdaughter and was intended on being a private post. And it was from last summer. Some know the details, but I have no right to write about her in such a public setting if I am sharing such things.

But here are the rest. They are in a random order. The bold parts were the blog titles. Enjoy.

Day 4 – Leslie B. - I still think that painting had cows coming out of a gold sky, not more fucking angels. Pretzels, barefoot, and the same questions every semester. You make me miss school.

Little intrusions into our life – I am still quite annoyed that IE doesn’t have spell check. I sound like a moron, with all these typos (and apparently I spell lightning – lightening…. I dunno. It made sense).

My soul is whole – He’s home. We got a call from a nice guy who lives a few blocks away from us.

Tearing my hair out and sweating – I’ve been silent because I’ve been writing. It’s slow going, honestly. I spent many nights just sitting in front of my computer, trying to figure out what I needed the story to do. Then I lost my mentor’s e-mail address. It’s just been a fucking mess. The good thing is that I’ve got 30 pages due on August 10th, and I am starting a writing schedule. No more dicking around, god damnit (I’m in a cursing mood…. feh).Before you ask, no I’m not working. We will discuss that later. I would like to talk about my birthday. It fucking rocked. Alexis came down from Tacoma, C came over, and Amanda got to Portland that very day, so we all bounced downtown for some dinner. It was a good meal.

I’m awake before noon - I don’t know if WordPress (and my site for that matter) has changed the time when I blog, although its been so infrequent lately. But, ladies and gentle-dorks, I would like to talk about sleep. It’s three, sometimes four in the morning before I hit the hay. It’s weird to think that many of my Florida friends are already at work, or getting ready by the time I get to sleep. The sunset/sunrise times have also thrown me off. When we moved here, it wasn’t getting dark until after 9:45, and then the sun would rise super early

Privacy - There are some things that I think I need to hash out, mostly with myself. That being said, I’ve noticed an increase in traffic from “unknowns” and I know who, at least some of them, are. So, in order to protect those I love, I am going to lock a few things down for a while. There’s a lot of trauma in my family right now, strife between the members and things that shouldn’t be said out loud. I’m not closing my mouth at all, but I won’t allow my opinions to become ammunition against those I love. If there’s a locked post, it will have its usual password (if you don’t l know it — e-mail me).

The trip is almost over. Lex and I are in a hotel room in Idaho.

Running out - It’s official. I am out of meds. What to do? I’ve spoken with D about it and we agreed that I could go to walgreens and get raped for my lamictal, but the healthier (heheh… interesting how that works out eh?) option is to try to control my manic depression on my own. How? Diet, exercise, honest observation of triggers, making myself sleep and …and just trying to pay attention. I won’t go batshit immediately because I do have a decent buildup in my system, but the chemical protection will erode with time, and in about a month, I will be without any kind of chemical help. This wasn’t a choice I wanted to make. My insurance ran out with my last job, and I fluffed the system enough to give me a little leeway until we got to Portland. But, I still don’t have a job. So, no help with the meds. It would cost more than our car payment for my medications…. how fucking insane is that ?

I’ve not talked about grad school much here. I’m setting up a seperate (see: proper) blog for my book reviews and such. But I really feel lost sometimes.

Cutout - First day – I had first day of work jitters last night. Would they like me? Can I do the job? Do they have good coffee (my prior place of employment had shite coffee)? D called at 8:10, but by that time my two alarms had already interrupted my sad attempts to fall back to sleep. I stayed up too late, worrying. And so when the morning came, I wanted to go back to sleep, like I have been doing for months. But that was a no-go.

When I got to the office, coffee and water in hand, I was greeted by my boss, who we will call P, and the GM named A. I met everyone else, smiled, waved, and then almost fell out of my seat when P began dictating the list of things I had to accomplish. Then he left, and I realized, with shame, that I didn’t know how to do anythign on the list, so I started small and arranged my desk. It’s not that the job will be hard, because it won’t, but getting the hang of a new system of protocols, rules and regulations will take time.

Links - * The Ironman trailer — D’s excited. I’m less than thrilled. The flying scene does look really nice, but I don’t know about the rest of it.
* We watched the trailer for the Bionic Woman. I had high hopes (I still love Battlestar), but it looked like crap. The story was poorly executed and the characters felt super flat. I think that they should take their time developing the characters, because then it makes for a deeper connection. Perhaps these issues had something to do with the problems with the show. Then again — it could just be crap.

When it rains…. - Jeezus. So, it’s been a busy little trek through the life of me. On top of family issues, tension in the home, and conflicts/issues with extended family connection — welll I feel like I’m drowning.

I need valium - Or a stiff cocktail.

It’s snowing!! - I am cooking lunch, wearing my purple fuzzy socks and a smile. Oh, and clothes too. Perverts.

for me – I’m fucking angry, and I don’t think that I need to submit the rest of you to this, but there’s a lot that’s pissing me off right now, so this will be protected.

my family is pissing me off… specifically my stepfather. For the first timein my life I realized that I’ve never really had a father.

Ketchup… – Or catch-up. which ever you prefer.

The halloween party was a hit. I dressed up as a white trash preggers person, with curlers in my hair and all.

Do we still need animal testing? – And does it really work?

I don’t know, and am scared to ask, what kind of trails were used for my meds. There have been several cases recently where drugs

Is this fair? – I know that you still speak with the one that slighted me. And I thought that I was a grown-up about it, but I’m not. How can you even think to associate with someone who hurt a person you care about? Anne had it right — you should choose. I’ve tried to be the bigger person here, but I’m immature when it comes to this kind of thing. You are going to keep her in your life, keep contacting her although she took you for granted and used you. And it pisses me off to no end. Where is the loyalty? Why is this such a problem for me? And I know you will keep talking to her, no matter how fucked up that situation was. And I know that you will keep her around, and I know that it will effect our relationship because I don’t believe in supporting someone or being friends with someone who is such a cunt.

I told you how I felt about it. and perhaps I should be clear about things. Perhaps I should stop bullshitting you, but I’ve tried to be the bigger person and its not working.

Where you sleep – My sister wanted to sleep between D and I. I told her that the dogs already had that position — chastity beagles. She said she would “woof” if we wanted. My sister is twisted and she always makes me giggle. There was lots of family conversation last night, but the most important thing was the solidification of the plans for May. I am graduating in a few months. I am scared. But my family is going to stay at mi casa for the 5 days they are going to be in town. Cat’s trip is shorter than she first thought, but we are going to drag her and Jewlie to dinner at Babbos. (there will be no argument Cat!). I was very proud of myself yesterday. I bought a queen sized mattress for someone to stay on. I am planning ahead. Go me!

I accidentally put too much sugar in my coffee. Gah!

I have my first midterm today. These years, this point, so close to completion, I am fucking terrified.

Dark to Light:

On an introspective note – We are coming up on the 3 month mark until the move. The plans for homes and jobs and such are coming together. But I realized yesterday, I won’t see summer with Seemore. The other students at Rollins are talking about summer classes and bitching about the lack of Humanities cores available in the fall.

I thought about it while I drove – Do Conservatives write poetry? Does the Christian Right (wrong) find inspiration from writing verse or essays that are reflective or creative versus bombastic condemnation with poorly chosen metaphors?

Changes to come – I am learning a lot more about the abilities and possibilities with WordPress,

Walking on Sunshine – I called my mother, my daughter’s family, my sister, my brother, and a few friends and told them all about my good news. My birthdaughter seemed only slightly impressed. I was happy to hear that she’s no longer failing Science, and that she got an A in PE. Did I ever tell you how I used to get bad grades in PE because I wouldn’t dress out ? Seems the apple and the tree have something in common. The Birthdaughter and her mother are going to Australia on Saturday. I’m jealous. She offered to take me along.

Boogers and fleas - Good god. My head is killing me. K i l l i n g …. meeeeeee. I would like to crawl into a hole and die right now. It’s making my eyes tired. I’m nauseous. Does anyone have a drill so I can relieve the pressure? An axe? An exacto knife? please?

I’ve had this headache for two days now. It started before I left work yesterday, and although I love my Composite Novel class, I had to squint through the pain. I thought sushi would cure my ailment. It didn’t. I pouted for the rest of the night. It doesn’t help that the beasties has fleas.

So, I am going to whine now. Ready? You sure?

What you won’t hear - Mom called last night, just to tell me she was calling not to bitch. I talked to her the other night, and she did bitch. I don’t mind those conversations. I enjoy them, actually. Although she’s my parental unit, she’s also one of my closest friends, so it feels good when she calls to bitch. But you won’t hear me relay the details of those conversations. I wouldn’t know what to tell you. Our family, like so many others, has bumps and bruises and scars and imperfections and all those other nasties that no one likes to talk about. Through the addictions, denials, abuse and fear – we came to love each other, building around the scars, and coming up with something amazingly flawed but clean. Our conversations often analyze the bits of our family that don’t work.

She’s always questioning my meds. When I told her that I was taking myself off the Seroquel, she balked. But she doesn’t have to watch me tear through the fog every morning. She knows I’m not a morning person, but that shit adds a level of fuzziness that’s almost too hard to overcome. I think she fears for my sanity, but often forgets that I have D to remind me to eat and sleep and breathe and relax. Not that I am completly incapable, but it’s good to have that voice and embrace to stabalize things. But, you won’t hear us talk about her depression or her drinking.

Untitled - Search back, deep in those memories blurred by time. Think of ice cream and running barefoot in the street. What did the sun feel like when you were a child? When you carried little and understood even less.

*snicker* - So, they are trying to lock down the internets at work. First, they finagled with my Windows Media Player downloads, then they started blocking radio sites altogether. I find this amusing for two reasons. One: if you have any kind of creativity and you know how to use Google, then you can usually bypass this kind of crap.

Recap – I spent Friday on the couch. Why? Jager. Jager is evil and we are still not sure how many actual shots I had. But I had a lot of Blackthorn, and I laughed and cried a lot. The afternoon started off with a bang. I went to ABC and bought some wine, and then met the class at the Woolson House for the last class. We were supposed to have a read-around, and we did, but I pulled blog posts and cried because one was about my birthdaughter. I heard lots of wonderful stories, and one of my compadres, Kyle, read poetry. His words amazed me. You can’t buy talent like his. So, class started to end, and I felt the tears and emotion well up. I was okay until I hugged Dr. Dunn. She made me cry.

Full time veggie – It’s not hard being a vegetarian in Portland. Most restaurants don’t just accommodate, they take pride in their vegetarian options. If they don’t have something specifically for vegetarians, most are willing to rework a dish or two to satisfy us. I am a full time vegetarian. I had been for many years, a part time vegetarian. I would like to say it was a moral choice, and admittedly, it was to some degree.  But most of what kept me from eating meat was the amount of cash it took to make such dinners. And cleaning flesh, be it deboning chicken thighs, or cutting the gristle off a steak, grossed me the fuck out. The only thing I loved to cook and eat meat wise was bacon. Yes, I know it’s the french fries of the meat world – little (or no) nutritional value, full of fat and cholesterol.

But it tasted so damn good.

Coffee - Some rituals beg for a re-try. Julie, Cat and I used to have weekly coffee at the Barnies (now a Starbucks) in the plaza on Bumby and Colonial. We’d talk about relationships, school, etc. You know, the nice bs that makes friendships run. But Cat moved and that tradition died. Julie and I always intended to meet for coffee again, but we ended meeting at school, as that was the easiest place since we were both there so much. Last night Julie and I met back at the old Barnies and talked about the next 6 weeks. She’s due when we leave.

D would like this chocolate figure more than any other. I wonder if I can do this with dark chocolate? Hmmm..

the boxes build - My hand has hurt all week, and I don’t know why. I was hesitant to go back to the doc, because I know they would just say it is carpal tunnel, but there’s something really wrong this time. My grip is weak. My fingers are shooting with pain, not constantly, but its there. It is hard to type. I hate this.

With the futon gone, the front room is quickly becoming the center of the move. Boxes of books tower over boxes yet to be filled and it si all starting to scare me now. Things seem kind of uncertain. Did I mention that we have too many books? I haven’t been able to touch the other stuff, the knick knacks and whatnots, but there will not be enough boxes to contain it all. Dumpster diving is in my future…unless…. you know where I can find boxes. Do you?

We found more stuff to get rid of. I’ll post a list here.

Overheard - You gotta watch out for Jamaicans. They’ll shoot you. They ain’t got no remorse.

—

What was your GPA?

3.5 something

That’s crap!

Good morning headache - I feel all whiney. Gah!

D and I watched Pan’s Labyrinth last night. There’s a silly litte story about getting the movie (and I want the soundtrack!!). D, because he is the greatest husband ever, bought the movie for me last week when it came out. He thought he bought the two disk edition. The packaging was misleading and we found that he bought the normal versions.

Sore sore sore – I’m walking funny from Tuesday’s class, and tonight I am going to hop around like a monkey and try to stretch these aching legs of mine out.

Day 44 – 54 -  Regarding Families – I’m way behind with this, because of Grannie’s death and my inability to put fingertip to keyboard. This is the Meow playing catch up again. Deal with it

Day 44 -Dude from Jet Blue

I wrote down your name so I could tell Jet Blue how much you rocked. Your unusual name has been lost with a discarded boarding pass. Lex and I meant well.

Day 45 -Meredith

What a woman you are about to become. I see the bitchy tomboy in you, and understand why the fights with your brothers. Someday, everyone will grow up, and you’ll be friends.

Day 46 – Tommy

You remind me of my brother, gargantuan smartass. I see you trying to struggle outside the shadow of your brother. The Air Force will give you wings. Use them well.

Day 47 – Michael

Oldest, like me, so I’m allowed to say this. It’s time for you to grow up and show our family what you are capable of. You still need to earn “Bartz.”

Day 48 – Martha

I didn’t expect what I got. I admit I was wrong about you. While we are vastly different, there’s commonality. I’ve grown up and you’ve grown more tolerant. Isn’t’ it interesting?

Day 49 – Charlie

Aloof, but so proud of your wife. I cried when I watched you and Mom dance. Distant, but eager to share love and memories. And you have great taste in wine.

Day 50 – Riley

The little DJ, the sensitive, understanding, loving one. You have the best of our family in your heart. It’s going to be hard growing up, but remember your family loves you.

Day 51 – Zach

The big brother, smartass like the rest of us, tall, wicked grins, full of mischief and energy. You were a great host, and too entertained by the Garcia kids’ bad language.

Day 52 – Claire

Day 53 – Gramps

Day 54 – Marybeth

the outfit – The interview went really well. I’m not tooting my own horn, but interviews are my forete. It’s the resume shit that takes me forever to work out. But the company is teensy, and piggybacked on a larger company based in Canada. I would be working with a subcontractor

Bringing you up to date – Lots of things to talk about, but I’m focusing on the good stuff. I spent so much time bitchign about things that I (and others) can forget what grace is given to us.

Welcome to the beaglehouse – We got the house. We move on Friday. This is the bigger of the two houses, the one I was talking about on Friday. It’s very exciting, the whole moving thing. What isn’t so exicting is that the landlady decided she was going to try to pull her ass out of the fire and sell the house before the bank siezes it. Nice thing to do, but she sent over a realtor on Saturday with a prospective buyer. I thought she was comng.

Worried – I moved from Florida for a lot of reasons that don’t really need to be reiterated. The weather in Portland is gentle, nurturing, and rarely violent. And sometimes I forget how spectacular thunder is. But I won’t ever forget Hurricane Charley, ever.

Now Hurricane Gustav is roaring in the Gulf, heading for Cuba, and some of his rain bands are effecting Central Florida – where I still have friends and family. There won’t be a direct hit on our old stomping grounds, but the bastards is headed for a direct confrontation with Louisana, and especially New Orleans.

Close the door - And in the final throes of insincerity and lack of compassion, I listen to people in my office talk about how Spanish is an offensive language, and that the inclusion of foreign languages in American society is a result of lazy immigrants. Of course, they didn’t say such with any word more than two syllables and in a dictionary for lazy American speakers with little education and narrow minds.

Today, I am glad that I am leaving. Friday can’t come fast enough. In a panic, although I gave my notice a full month ago, the office is swirling around because there’s a shit load of work on my desk and not enough time to do it in. I tried to care, I really did. But the nazi, who gave me a card some months ago telling me how proud she was of me, pushed herself into my peripheral vision and refused to say anything to me until I pulled the headphone out of my ear. I’m not classically organized. I know where most of my stacks are and what they mean. I don’t have labeled folders and tabbed files. Piles work for me. She’s always been horrified by my lack of “organization.” Well have fun, lady. You can hire whomever tickles your pickle. But I would love to be a fly on the wall when I go. They will talk the most heinous shit. I’m not going to be here to intimidate, bully and protect. It’s easy to kill the memory of me. It’s harder to do it to the person. But I’m not concerned. I did my best to be a good person. It didn’t work all the time, but I tried.

What I won’t miss

• The continual comments about the inferior nature of the immigrant populous and how they are polluting our society — you know what, motherfucker? Go work on a roof in Baldwin Park, send most of your money back to your family, and work every day from sunup until sunset, and then bitch. Add insecurity of being in a foreign culture, of being looked down upon, and then tell me your attitude is justified.
• Defending my vegetarianism and belief in animal rights —- I don’t care if you hunt animals.

One more nail in the coffin – Talked to the overlord/property manager last night. I swear to god, baby jeezus and all those fun-loving saints that this woman only likes to talk to me and hates D. Which is strange. I’m the bitchy one in the family. Anway, our conversation went well. She needed an end date for our lease, and in a surprising move of generosity, never made us sign an addendum for the extension. I guess living there for three years, paying our rent on time, not freaking out when the roof got shorn to shit in Hurricane Charley, fixing things without bothering them and not pissing off the neighbors has payed off. I also asked her for a recommendation, because as much as it chaps my ass, we are going to have to rent when we get to Portland. Logistally, it makes the most sense. But she has an end date now, and I’ve promised smiles and cooperation. It’s not smart to leave things on bad terms, even when she did show up that one time, unannounced. That visit cost us 350 bucks! It’s hard to hide a second beagle. My parental units are overlords property owners, so I should know better. Oh well. I just hope they don’t try to bleed the rock dry when we move. We can’t afford it.

Snips of an update – This is going to be in bullet form because I’m  still working my assy off and trying to get everything done while working full time. What a pain in the ass! (but a good one)

• Wool Coats – I thought we were headed for the heart of autumn, D and I hunted for winter coats. We bought some half assed coats last fall and froze through most of the cooler weather. This time I found a great wool coat that complements my womanly figure. I love it. It’s heavy, black, military inspired, but more fashionable. I think all that time off watching “What Not to Wear” really rubbed off on me.
• I Heart my iPhone – D and I did what irresponsible people do and finally switched phone companies with that 2k check I received from Rollins. I have wanted an iPhone since they came out, and by George, we got em. And it is as spiffy and groovy as I thought it would be. The funny part, in a not so funny kind of way, is that the functionality that I ached for – being able to check e-mail, facebook, websites, without detection, is an unnecessary thing now. My current employers don’t give a shit where I go to, as long as I get the job done. But it’s good to have the capabilities with GPS. I’ve already used it once …..while on my bike…. and no, you are not allowed to laugh.
• The Job – so I think I already stated that I took the job with the laid-back solar company. If you got creative, you could figure out which one it is, suffice to say, I love it. It’s so fucking busy that I get there  and I get to 11 or 12 and realize I haven’t finished my coffee, my apple or all the phone calls I need to make. Laid back is not EVEN close to the truth there, but for all their laid back ways, they are very serious about the business. There is also a shop dog – Brutus, who is a springer spaniel. He’s my work boyfriend. Overall it’s really unorganized (which is why I got hired), laid back, bike friendly, and the easiest commute of my life. And the people, I love the people so far. I think a few of them could become good friends.
• Biking – I have biked to work, and got lost trying to come home. Yes, only me. Suck it. I can’t bike this week due to the monthly rebellion of my uterus, but I will get back in the saddle shortly.
• I’m on Googlemaps – if you google my address, go down my side street, you will see me sitting on the porch, smoking. It’s from last summer. Just to make sure, I had Streetview slide down the street a little further, and sure as shit, there was our car. I don’t know why, but it amused me.
• The Green Microgym - I joined a gym, but one with a special twist. Go to the link, and you will see what I mean. It’s about 20 blocks from the house, an easy bike ride, and I plan on taking advantage of their REALLY killer hours. The Owner, Adam, was super nice and very excited about the battery systems on the bikes. When I told him I worked for a solar company, we kind of geeked out about watts and whatnot. I’m a total dork, but I thought it was right to support a local business trying to make a difference. Besides, I got in on the introductory deal and my membership is less than 30 bucks a month for the life of the membership. How can I go wrong?

I didn’t do it.. – I didn’t watch the debate. I should have. Then I could participate in all the great conversations everyone is having today. D and I went to the Blue Moose on Fremont and had our normal Wednesday dinner. We were the only ones in the place. I think most people watched the debate. But I didn’t have to! I have Twitter! I watched everyone’s reaction while I munched on my dinner and drank my wine. Honestly, I meant to record it, but what’s done is done.

My BIL is leaving for an overseas tour a lot sooner than expected. He’s not a front-lines kind of guy, but he will be in danger. The whole fucking region is a war zone and scares me. She’s being the stoic air force wife, knowing she will have to rally without him. We joke, because D and I have a hard time being apart. when I go away for school, it’s difficult. We are joined at the forehead. But Lex and G are fine, moving through the relationship wiht all the bumps and bruises that come with deployment.

Keeping it positive - My job – I am a part of something bigger. The standards by which most people measure success would not apply with this job. The pay hasn’t pissed me off yet, but I haven’t gotten my first paycheck. I know, soon, I will get moved into more responsibility. Right now, I’m treading water, but it feels good. My coworkers are all very different from places I’ve worked before – they are cynical but hopeful, funny but dark, and always prone to blaming something on “your mother.” There are very few people in the office most of the day, but those people make me laugh. And I found out the woman they hired before me bailed after day 2. I kind of understand. The place isn’t organized. And I lost sleep the first few days. The rhythm of chaos feels strange to me. There are no protocols on how to do things, no lists, no set of parameters. While on one end, it’s freeing, I realize I like structure, which is weird to admit. I started today less filled with panic, and took a risk by taking charge. It’s working for me, and the office. At least, no one’s bitching to my face yet.

Biking to work – Today, I biked to work. And it took me ten minutes to get there. It took me almost a half hour to get home though. I was carrying a bag, riding with wind, and going up a big frackin’ hill. D told me I will get faster, and I know I will. Start small. It’s the best place to start.

Cold Toes… – It’s lovely today.

**** Okay so this is going to take a couple days to finish. But that’s the start of the housecleaning. More to follow later. I hope you had a lovely new year

Adam and Danielle and I worked our for 2 hours while watching Dancing with the Stars. It was mildly amusing, but not the inspiration I wanted. I drink a lot of water in the two hours. In my multiple trips to the bathroom, I finally stopped ignoring the scale, which sat right next to the door. I haven’t had the courage to step on a scale since we moved. I figured I’d gained some weight. I didn’t figure on 20 lbs. I weigh a whopping 170 lbs now. It’s disgusting. I look at myself and nothing looks right or correct or attractive. I’m a mockery of who I used to be. But I know how it happens. I eat well for most of the week, but drink my way through the weekend, keep chips (they were mutligrain but I convinced myself they were okay), cheese, the easy dinners full of crap off our plates, and stop sitting on my ass without doing anything. Every time we go out – do I really need to drink? Do I need the dessert? It’s fucking ridiculous. As you may be able to tell, I’m really pissed at myself. I quit smoking (save for the occassional slip up). I stoped using drugs. I can do this.

I need to forgive myself for fucking up so royally and move on. D has gotten me up at 6 each morning this week. Yesterday morning I spent time with the dogs, watched the news, did everything BUT working out. This morning, I rolled into a ball and cried. This is where being manic depressive is handy because I can kind of justify this behavior on being crazy – or I could just be an adult and admit that I feel awful for becoming this thing – this weak, self-pitying, self-serving indulgent shit. My Grandmother was morbidly obese most of her adult life. While some of her weight gain was genetic, she also loved rich foods and cocktails. I can’t remember her ever wearing something that wasn’t mumu-ish.  I should learn my lesson.

And that is the end of my old ways.

See, I’ve changed a lot. I won’t tolerate bullshit from people. I tell the truth, even if it makes me look like an ass. I forgive people, rather than holding grudges (for the most part, there are some people out there who deserve a serious thwapping, but I am a work in progress and trying to get beyond those feelings). I don’t eat animals. I don’t wear animals (is that leather in my shoe?). But what I need to do now is to get out of my own way and bulldoze to success as I always do. When I change my mind, it’s changed for good. And most of the time, whatever or whoever I cut out of my life is gone forever.

I took steps last night. I am going to use my iPhone to track my caloric intake (instead of doing Body for Life, which just seems too much for me), and my workouts. I am going to work out 6 days a week, no excuses. I belong to a groovy little gym, full of supportive and positive people. I have a brilliant little runsong for varaiation. I have dogs to walk in a park less than 4 blocks from my house. I have an elliptical trainer next to my desk.

I’ve said much of this before. But I didn’t weigh 170lbs then…….ugh.

So by the time I go back to school in two months, I want to have lost at least 10 lbs…maybe more. I won’t starve myself (I love food too much) and I won’t punish myself. The number shocked me, and I won’t allow a number to scare the shit out of me like that ever again.

Erica’s gonna move.

(so that entire entry is scattered in terms of tone and focus, but it is what it is. Welcome to my brain).

And I also found out that one of my classmates from Seton Hill passed away from melanoma. Please, people, get your funny looking spots checked out!

For a lighter rest of your day – links.

• After moving to Portland, I’ve come to love the hoody. They are far more interesting here, in shapes and fabrics that are more fashionable.  Perhaps that is because the climate is perfect for them. That being said, I want this one — yes it’s expensive. But a girl can lust, now can’t she?
• It’s horribly endangered, and I wouldn’t want one as a pet, but OMG!!! It’s so CUTE!!
• I hated losing my virginity the first time. Who in their right mind would put the freaking hymen BACK? (no knife is going near my stuff, I don’t care how it looks). What in the hell does a perfect pubis look like? And what does it say about us a society that this is even a viable surgery? Would you do this?
• One of the benefits of living in Portland - I am on  Shizzow. Okay, so I jumped on the bandwagon yesterday and I haven’t had a chance to use it much yet. A few days and I will publish a review. So far, so good though. (the link is to a Wired article, since it’s still limited to Portland and San Fran). There are lots of little tech startups here, and a very supportive community that celebrates each success. It’s a good place for geeks.

• Eww Eww Eww Eww Eww…. and that’s all I can say about this story. Oh, and I’m glad I don’t live in a place where these fuckers can breed… like FLORIDA!
• Goodnight Little Lander.. You outlasted your expected lifespan. I am always a little sad when I read stories of our far-flung technologies that become stranded in the great beyond. Their other story, the one that begins when we stop communicating with them, needs to be a story, I think. I’ll get right on that. And no, I wasn’t being sarcastic.
• I love the word Fuck. It’s useful, a chameleon word that changes meaning with inflection and use, and it never ceases to get my mother’s annoyed attention. Yeah, I know I’m 32 and I should stop goading my mother now, but it’s just so fun. But the article talks about the genesis and the modern usage.
• Can you laugh at a black president? I think you can. Obama isn’t a perfect man. No man is. And those imperfections are SO much fun to joke about. I really hope that comedians I like, like Bill Mahr and John Stewart, don’t shy from mocking Obama. I know buffoonery is easy to mock, but it will be nice to see what the comedians come up with.
• Economic downturn? Go to school! The government is now guaranteeing student loans. Thank god.

And that’s all for today.

For Calie and all my friends…… James Taylor —

When youre down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name,
And you know whereever I am
Ill come running, oh yeah baby
To see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And Ill be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Youve got a friend.

If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name and you know where ever I am
Ill come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And Ill be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, aint it good to know that youve got a friend?
People can be so cold.
Theyll hurt you and desert you.
Well theyll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but dont you let them.

You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
Ill come running to see you again.
Oh babe, dont you know that,
Winter spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all youve got to do is call.
Lord, Ill be there, yes I will.
Youve got a friend.
Youve got a friend.
Aint it good to know youve got a friend.
Aint it good to know youve got a friend.
Youve got a friend.

I’m following a few new people on Twitter who are involved with the NaNoWriMo project I’m so excited!

And I got my schedule to volunteer at Wordstock. I am going to take classes around the scheduled volunteer work. So much to do…. sheesh.

And my husband is the awesome. He bought me Fable 2. But I’m not touching it, not even opening it until after the deadline (Nov 1). It’s going to kill me. I will die of Fable-inabilitytoplaydisease. Really. I’m serious.

I’m gym bound this evening. Have a loverly night.

• Being a part-time vegetarian? I think being more conscious of your eating habits, and knowing where you get your nutrients from is a good thing. That’s not to say that all vegetarians give a cow’s ass where their cheese came from, or whether or not their lettuce is organic. I do pay attention, close attention these days. I’m an ethical vegetarian. If it had a face, I’m not going to eat it. That’s why eggs (chicken abortions, as the sick joke goes) are okay. I don’t drink milk because it makes me fart. I do eat cheese because it’s tasty (but I try to be a good girl about where it comes from). Now the idea of part-time vegetarianism interested me, but I think slapping a complicated name like Flexitarianism is kind of a bullshit way of saying “I eat less meat and don’t care if there’s anchovy past in the caesar dressing.” Do you really need a unique name for someone who is more conscious of what they put in their bodies? I don’t think you do … personally, I think that should just be human nature. But I also realize that I am at an income bracket where being selective about what I eat is easy. When I was broke (brizzzzzoke), it was harder. But I think all people, even those with less money, should seek out quality ingredients, and bring more green to the table. No everyone has to be a vegetarian, but if you are more conscious of what you eat, I’ll call you anything you want – including a flexitarian (which by the way, sounds like some kind of contortionist from Cirque).
• Bill Mahr vs …well even the View – I’m a big fan of his. I think he’s got some “interesting” things to say, but on the whole, I shout praise at the TV every time I watch him. His opinion on religion is not one that I share, if you were wondering. No, I did not drink the Jesus juice, but I do believe there is something other than us out there, and I’ve never been so egotistical as to assign it a name, but I do believe in an “other” or an “us”… it depends on my mood. Bill Mahr takes issue with the literal translation of the bible. That Jeezycreezy jumped up out of the grave after 3 days is biologically impossible. And if God’s telling you to do something, you may want to see a shrink. I agree with him because I think most of the major worlds religions are twisted into rhetoric instead of healing. Extremist Christians live in this great country, and if you are in the right part of the country (unintended pun there), you couldn’t turn a corner without seeing 13295743 churches on one street. I don’t care that Sherri Shepherd believes in zombie Jesus day. Good for her. But I do care that this country has changed with the upsurge of the Christian right.
• A great interview with the Remember the Milk’s cofounder – I’m really starting to embrace all the little apps that help make my life easier. It’s much easier now that I have an iPhone, but I used RTM with my little Pebbl. It was clunky but efficient. RTM is still one of the best apps out there for task management.
• I offically hate Miley – Sweetheart, when you were still boogying to your daddy’s craptastic music, I was at Disney with the gays. Gay Days is THE BEST day to go to Disney, even if you aren’t “one of the family.” I went with a gaggle of gay boys I knew from my bar, and we rode Space Mountain (you have never heard screaming until you have a train full of gay boys in the dark….and I didn’t mean that as literally as it sounded). We got wet, tired, dirty, sunburned, and I met some of the most amazing people ever. And the party didn’t stop there. That’s a post for another time. But the point is that Gay Days has become an institution. Disney defended it in a kind of roundabout manner some years ago when the Christian Right swore to boycott. And now, it’s just something that happens every year. I think it should have been respected. But, Miley is their bitch, their progeny, their moneymaker – and if Cinderella wants the gays to go, then she gets her wish. —— I hope her party sucks.
• Divorce Cakes – Just one question – why are most of them bloody?
• I love Heroes, and I really, really, really love the music.Good music is iconic. Hum a few bars of the Indiana Jones theme and watch people perk up (and it’s been stuck in my head for months since I’ve been playing the Lego version), or the ominous sounds of Vader’s theme. Music can be forceful, and perk up plots that would otherwise feel shallow. The music in Heroes doesn’t overwhelm, it typifies. It doesn’t prop up plot, rather it adds dimension. I can’t wait to get the score!
• From Since You Asked on Salon – Sarah Palin is Ruining My Life – I won’t go as far as to say she’s ruined my life, but I’ve had to pull away from the election for a bit. It’s been abusive, nasty, and hypocritical. Eternally an idealist, I think the harsh realities of modern politics turns my stomach. I’m too gentle a creature (stop laughing, or I will thwap you) to deal with the madness. Can’t we all just get along? But I’m realizing we can’t. I work with people who think the same way I do. I live and talk with people who echo my feelings. We all really despise the Republican ticket. But there are the others, friends and family, who don’t agree. Is the divisive nature of the modern political world eating them up to? Is there a way around the bullshit name calling and lies?

Beagles are done eating. It’s time for homework.

• The Best Compliment – I finished Calie’s critique way late. I’ve been way late for most of this term, either to to emotional issues (it’s hard to write about hope when you don’t have any), technical issues, or life issues. The thing I’ve realized is that no matter how shitty my life gets, I can’t drag her into my mess. She deserves a good crit partner, and since we decided to go as a 2 person team, I’m all she’s got school wise (beyond her fucking amazing mentor). I sat down, over the course of several days, and critted the hell out of her story. I love the premise, and the world. I think she and I have similar problems in getting into a deeper POV, but she’s got an amazingly twisted mind and a fluid writing style. I read the submission all the way through several times so that I could digest things properly. When all was said and done and I turned it in to her, I waited for the e-mail saying “Moody, you bitch! Can’t you do this well?” but what I got was “You are the best crit partner ever.” She understand that my inclination to pick out things and ask questions is not beating up the story, it’s about dissecting it to make it a better story. It feels really good when someone understands and appreciates your intentions
• Going to #Wordcampdx tomorrow - I’m painfully nervous. I won’t know anyone, but I am braving the wilds anyway. What is it? Look and see. I hope to meet some interesting people, learn more about the abilities of WordPress, and figure out how to make my writing site more interesting. I’ve been on MoodayMeow since 2003 in some ideration or another, but if I plan on becoming a professional writer when I grow up (which will be when I turn 50, I’ve decided… I have a few years) then I need to establish a professional, interesting web presence. And I love social media, so joining my blog and twitter or the other technology crack I’m addicted to — it’s good stuff. Oh! And there’s a copyright section! I had plans to put parts of my book up, but worried about copyright. Hopefully this will answer some questions. It’s an all-day event, and it won’t leave me much time for editing my own writing, but the deadline’s not till Tuesday. I should be okay.
• I had more to write, but I’m crazy busy. Maybe tomorrow?

Go to a photography class – Miss Amandapants gave me the best gift a friend could ever give – she and I are taking a photography class together at New Space. It’s the ‘holy shit now you have a digital camera and you don’t know how to use it dumbass” class. Mmmm.. kay – it’s not exactly that title, but you get the idea. We wanted to go for some of the more advance classes, but I honestly need to learn a lot more about my Nikon before I get all fancy. The class is a gift for my burpday. We can’t wait.

Go To Bloggy type things – I signed up to go to WordCamp PDX. I’ve been a WordPress user for years, but there’s a lot more I would like to learn. I’m really excited about the session on Copyrights and the other session that discusses integrating other system with a wordpress blog (like Twitter, my new addiction). It’s going to be fun! While it’s not till the end of the month, it’s still on my calender of things to do. I love having a calender like this.

Go to Vinideus – D and I are fond of this place. We brought Miss Amandapants with us on Friday, and I think she fell in love too. The atmosphere is quite chill. I love going into a place and being welcomed personally. The owners are congenial and warm and all of their suggestions have been spot-on. They also have wonderful desserts. It’s a great way to spend a Friday.

Go searching for the house you almost took – On Saturday, D and I drove up to Linnton to see if we could check out the house we almost took up there – It was the scary one my sister looked at. The drive up took us behind the industrial area on 30, and north of the St. John’s Bridge. When D and I finally remembered the road (he has a memory like a steel trap), we shimmied up, and almost turned down into the driveways. I decided I would have loved it up there, but it would have made the experience of moving to Portland completly different. Where we live now is in the heart of a very active neighborhood (Concordia), and full of traffic and people and energy. The place in Linnton had all the majesty nature could provide, but the human element was missing. I can’t say I’m 100% happy with the house we have now, nor could I say I would have been 100% happy with that place, but it does have the natural element that the city limits are missing.

I hope you had a lovely weekend….and now I have to call my sister back.

“Is that an elephant, or a hippo running down the sidewalk?”

“I think that thunder! Oh no, it’s just that wheezy, red-faced slob running. Hope she has earthquake insurance.”

Silly, yeah I know, but it’s just what I deal with.

That being said, it’s hard to time yourself when you are supposed to be running. I tried using a stop watch to time myself, but I ended up tripping over my feet or a curb (and I had a near miss with a light post). The solution, because I’m fucking brilliant, was to throw a switch queue in the appropriate places of various songs. The result – 45.4 minutes of: Coldplay, Ladytron, Underworld, Fluke, Nelly Furtado, a song from Oceans 12 (when the Fox goes through the laser maze), Outkast, and a song from the Cowboy Bebop soundtrack. The queue is from a song called, of all things, “Switch” and of course it’s D&B. All in all, I am pretty pleased with it. I forced myself to warm up with the Coldplay song, and the rest of the time I varied the run time from 30 seconds to 1 full minute. It’s not sticking exactly to plan, but I thought it would be good to challenge myself a little. And once I get “used” to this runsong, I will make another, because I noticed that I started to slow down in anticipation of the switch with the last runsong I made.

So, when will I run? Tonight. If I put on my sneakers, the dogs go apeshit (or would that be beagleshit?), so it’s easier for the whole family if D accompanies me with the dogs. Puck just can’t run like that anymore. Pip will be amazing to run with, but trying to seperate the “pack” makes him a little nervous.

But right now, I have to figure out what’s for dinner…. and get some reading done.

Mmmm k. Got all that?

First in the arena – McCain is paying bloggers to post his talking points. This is just shady, kids. I’m a naive idealist, so I will continue to believe that bloggers are mostly outside the corproate/polically run arena. Yeah, USA today has bloggers, and Anderson Cooper blogs, but those connections we know about. Having a candidate >pay< someone to fluff him up and not reveal the nature of the connection is just duplicitous and wrong. And here is where I get all idealist again — I don’t think Obama has to do this. He’s got a grassroots thing going on the net (via Myspace, Friendster, etc) that has payed off in millions of dollars, tons of new democrat voters, and volunteers. He’s got a fire behind his campaign. McCain just looked like the old guard trying to do the new guard tricks. I thought this was supposed to be the respectable campaign. I was wrong.

Now, on to my loathing for Fox news. It has been revealed that they were given “literal talking points to discuss on their prime time news segments.” Does this not smack of propaganda? Granted, this was reported on MSNBC, who has their own bias (I’m naive, not stupid), but I don’t think anyone except Bush and his cronies would ever get this blatant. And I find it reprehensible that a “news” company would take the bait and report the talking points as news. I really do loathe Fox news. My mom told me that to understand an argument, you had to see it from all sides, especially when it came to politics. Fine. I subjected myself to Fox and Friends on several mornings, watched a few snippets with their talking heads in the evenings… but it was so hateful. MSNBC has taken to “reporting” with the same attitude. I don’t want snarky commentors to tell me what to think. Just the facts…. please.

Now this wackjob takes the cake. And he’s from Florida, figures. I am beyond amazed that this kind of racism still exists.

And on a completely non-political note. Go over to Claire’s blog! She’s having a Pay It Forward contest. You should enter!

Oh…and it’s NOT 90 DEGREES TODAY!!! I’M SO HAPPY!!!!

One thing I find interesting, as more of a general comment, is that when I go back and look at the archives, I still self-edit. I didn’t get fully into how hurt and pissed I was when Natalia left me in Gainseville, nor the misery that ensued when I found out indirectly via Myspace that A got married, nor how the Dogfather’s distance turned into total silence. Those things really effected me. They still do. Those events laid the groundwork for the current issue(s), and how I will ultimately handle them. And again, I will try to figure out what I did wrong. But sometimes people don’t do anything wrong. Could I have been a better person, a better friend? Shit, yes. We all can, but I don’t think I’m to blame this time. With others, absolutly. I’ve paid my karma debt…. this one ain’t on me. But again….it’s time to move on.

And move on I have. D and I set about finalizing the bday plans for this weekend. Miss Amandapants, D and I are all going to a vineyard for the day. Lex won’t make it down to later in the day so she and Gregg are going to do the slumber party thing. Actually, this entire thing has turned into a slumber party. We all plan on getting pretty sloshed at the restraunt. Why? Because of the margartia list, and I loves me some margaritas.

Anyone got a spare air mattress? I don’t want Amanda driving home after margaritas. It’s just dangerous (and that woman is too fucking accident prone)…

The job hunt isn’t going terribly well. I’ve gotten no nibbles on my resume so far, but one can always hope. I just have to remind myself that I don’t have it the worst out there.

BTW…. I really like this song from Ladytron.

Here are some blanket observations from the last week or so:

• Batman was fucking fantastic. Brilliant. I have one beef & that’s Christian Bale’s “growly” voice when he’s the Batman. It bugs me…but the rest was fantabulous.
• When it comes down to brass tacks, family is all we have. Whether we include others within that sacred circle is a whole different issue, but I know when shit’s down, my sister and my husband will be there for me, and I’m a lot luckier than  most.
• I read KL’s blog daily, and I think I need a dictonary for military life. They have so many fucking acronyms! I want to lend a friendly shoulder and all, but I don’t understand half of what she talks about. It’s the same with my sister…. she has to translate mid-conversation. Does anyone have a handbook or a flyer I can read?
• I think Portland Roasting coffee is better than Stumptown. I may get flogged for this, but this girl’s got an opinion.
• No one lives in a vaccuum. This is where the hypocrite in me really needs to wake up and smell the bullshit, but I must remind the world that every action has a reaction, no matter how small. And that’s everyone’s responsibility.
• For school we have to post on a forum. It’s part of the required class structure. Race has been brought up as an issue in the program. People think WPF is too white (or doesn’t address other racial issues). I had to keep my mouth shut most of the time because I don’t think that’s what a school forum should be about. It’s supposed to be about writing, but I have to give the guy who brought the subject up a lot of credit. Even in this PC-loving world, there are underlying issues that a lot of people are uncomfortable discussing. That being said, there’s also the issue of beating a dead horse when people don’t want to address the issue. It’s a hard balance to maintain.
• I think websites don’t need a freaking soundtrack. I’ve spent a lot of time on the web, for jobs and such and the sites that start with audio really irritate me. I want to continue to listen to Ladytron or Dave Gahan without some elevator-music knockoff of techno blaring at me. /end rant
• My library doesn’t have the two books recommended by my mentor. I’ll have to buy them, but I really don’t have any room left on my shelves!

And here are some beagles for the rest of your day…

Miss C showed me my birthday present yesterday It’s freaking beautiful. I don’t know the artist’s name (help me out C!!) but once I take a picture you will love it. It’s a print by a modern artist who took the “Last Supper” by DaVinci and turned it on its ear. It’s the last supper in McDonalds. Trust me, it’s fucking amazing.

While wandering around Portland, in search for a place to satisfy my Duny collecton, Miss C found this place, and we’ve been going there ever since. They have a gallery where they show modern artists, and that was where we found this person. It’s a great place. The staff are really nice (especially the guy in the gallery that we talked to) and they have Dunys. It’s a happy place.

I’ve blanketed Portland with my resume. I haven’t written much at all because I’m so freaked out about the money, but my job right now is to write the novel, work out, and get the doggies in better shape. Valentine’s thing will work itself out. We will do what we have to do, but for now, I need to write, apply to 3 jobs that interested me, and then get some serious writing done. Oh, and I am due to head to the library because my mentor assigned me a few books.

D and I are going to see the Dark Knight tonight. I can’t wait.

Hope your week has gone well…..

• Money is the marriage-killer. D and I went through a really rough time in the beginning and I think part of it was due to my obsession about having “enough” money. Then with the uncertainty of both of our job situations, well it made for tense times. I hate money. I love toys and presents. But I would rather not have 1 more gadget if it meant that D and I didn’t fight about money. We don’t fight now, thank goodness. We both have good jobs, but man, that was tough.
• Things happen the way they should. Being a scattered planner, I wanted things to work out a particular way. But life just doesn’t cooperate like that and I had to accept being wrong, and understand that going with the flow doesn’t mean giving up.
• Giving too much is worse than not giving enough.
• Distance doesn’t make the heart grow fonder, it makes you forget.
• I, the MoodyMeow, am not a superhero. I wish I was. I think my power would be to make flowers bloom and smell pretty, or to smite people without killing them.
• After 30, my skin has gone to hell. I’m a blemish factory. It’s disgusting.
• There’s no place better to eat, drink, and be merry than Portland.
• Thunderstorms are miraculous, and worth paying attention to.
• Death has made me fully realize that life’s too short to waste your time.
• Bookstores are heaven.
• How to get from my house to pretty much anywhere in Portland proper. Now, if I need to go outside the city limits, I’m screwed.
• Speaking of which, I need a GPS device rammed into my temple, and have a constant link to my sister who can guide me through Vancouver to Battle Ground when I need to go. It would just be easier if we were telepathically linked so I didn’t have to worry about my phone dying on me.
• No matter what the financial or emotional cost, family is incredibly important.
• My hair is a lot heavier than I remembered.
• I miss my shaved head.
• Pip is allergic to grass….we think. He was allergic to everything in Florida, but his allergies calmed down when we moved. Now they are acting up again. He’s getting bald spots, poor beast. At least we don’t have fleas.
• I don’t miss fleas, palmetto bugs, roaches, black widows, spiderwebs under the house, that scary-ass shed in the back yard of Nebraska Street, monsoons, being under trees and getting wetter than you would if you just stood in the storm, heat, humidity, and hurricanes.
• I do miss the thwap/whusssh sound of the sprinklers hitting the palms in Leu Gardens, red-bellied woodpeckers, bats, purple sunsets, thunderstorms at dusk, the sound of the rain on the chimney-cap, low-hanging eaves and windows that opened, the Nebraska Street front porch, the Rollins Campus.

And things keep rolling. Although Lex and I are making our preperations to head east, I still have school in 2 weeks. I still have plans to make for that, writing to do, editing to work on, and I have to figure out how to ship wine to the hotel for Calie and me.  You can’t take wine on a plane. The terrorists love wine.

I finally bought my bag for school. I  borrowed Amandapant’s suitcases for my last trip to Seton Hill, and had my vintage bags busted open during my first trip. After Amanda was kind enough to let me borrow hers, Pip decided that my toothpaste needded to be freed from the bag, and ripped a hole in the mesh pocket. So I don’t want to borrow her bags again for fear of beagle destruction. Being that I’m still sad, I’m attempting to relieve my depression and feelings of insigificance with retail therapy, kittens. I’m turning into my mother…ugh.

I’ve been a fan of Tom Bihn since about 2004 or so. My first purchase  was a laptop bag, then D and I shelled out a few clams for the Cafe Bags. I’ve had my eye on the Imago for since they developed it, but I’m really happy with my Timbuk2 bag for the day to day stuff. This bag should force me to pack lighter, which is good. For some reason I’m always compelled to bring huge bottles of shampoo and spare towels. If I was staying in the dorm, that would be understandable, but I’m in a hotel room. They have shampoo. They have towels. I should just chill.

I also went on a mini shopping spree at Threadless.com – I blame my mother again. She made me love sales, and threadless was haveing a killer sale, so I bought shirts. And I love this one. Because it’s true. Okay, it’s not true, but it still makes me laugh. And laughter, my friends, is the cure for what ails you. So is alphabet soup, at least, that’s what I hear.

What it still doesn’t allow for is any part of anything that used to have eyes.

Mmm k. With sandwich in hand, and a bag of Lay’s Baked Mesquite BBQ chips (and a glass of water because their iced tea was awful), I sat down to inhale my glorified cheese sandwich. I like to read when I eat, so for the first time ever, I read the ingredients on the Baked Lays bag. Down at the bottom, in wee little letters: chicken fat.

What

The

Fuck

Why do they add this shit? You have a chip, which is pretending to be healthier, and they acutally ADD chicken fat to it? Does that really help the flavor? Or the texture (which reminds me of those cheap-o crackers I ate as a kid)? Why add chicken fat to chips?

This irritates the piss out of me for 2 reasons: 1 – no food is safe 2 – I have to pay more attention. I want to be a lazy vegetarian, damnit. I want to chew on carrots and chips alike and never wonder where they came from or how they got into my belly.  I think that all foods that have animal stuff in them should fucking say so. If it’s vegetarian, help me out – SAY SO! Fucking chicken fat…..

Next it will be fat rendered from babies who dined on foi gras and veal. Argh….

But it is Friday. That is a good thing. I went to class last night, with a HUGE stomach ache, and I was painfully sore. Again, the class was small, but we had a good time. There are flow movements, where you move from down dog, you thread your foot between your hand and your other foot and then flip over. It is as difficult and muddled as it sounds. Trust me.  And I managed to get rug burn on my feet. Go me. But I slept like the dead last night, and I woke pretty chipper. I’m at the edge of a mania peak right now, and moving my ass seems to help the edge. Right now, I’m very quick to trigger (sorry for being a bitch yesterday D), but as fast as I shoot off at the mouth, it’s over. Just an ebb and flow of uncontrollable emotions. I’m not lashing out as  i can sometimes, but I’m also not as stable as I would like to be.

The Navy ships are in town for the Rose Festival. I don’t care as much about the parade as I do all the people, all the crazy citizens of this nutty town, converging in the Waterfront area.  D said he saw pirate clippers, and the shots on the news of the bigass navy ship, just fucking amazing. They had to take down the lightening rods on top of the ship in order to get under the bridges. Yeah, it’s that BIG. Now, I know most people who have lived here for a long time will avoid the waterfront like the plague, but I intend on seeing a little of what which I have not seen before. Besides, it’s something fun to do on a Saturday.

I have to thank Amandapants for hooking it up with this band. I’ve been listening to them all week.

And now, linkies

• At first I was very insulted by this article. WTF? All games are geared toward women/girl gamers? But they do have a point. Now I will never buy Viva Pinata, I’m just not cheesy in that manner, but I do loves me some Oblivion, Halo and Orange Box. Speaking of which, I need to beat Portal. And most of these games would be good for both beginning gamers AND women. Except Halo. Unless you are familar with FPS, the camera could drive you 6 shades of crazy.
• I made a new internet friend. Go say hi! …yes, that means you too.
• Unless you are living under a rock, you should know that Obama won the democratic nomination. Now, who shall be the running mate? I’m voting for Bill Richardson. John Edwards already said no

I had more links to share, but I want to finish up my work for this spiffy Flyday. Hope you are having a good one.

]]> http://www.moodymeow.com/archives/2247/feed 3 http://www.moodymeow.com/archives/2237 http://www.moodymeow.com/archives/2237#comments Tue, 03 Jun 2008 19:41:27 +0000 Meow http://www.moodymeow.com/?p=2237 Let this be a warning…I’m on my “I can’t fucking stand self-important Christians who tread on hypocritical moral high ground” soapbox… Why? Because it’s pre-coffee time, I forgot my breakfast and I pissed at the world that I had to get out of bed this morning.

Only someone who is painfully idiotic or completly unaware would hand me a card that had “congrats to your new spawnling – it was a present from god” or some such shite on it, and actually expect me to sign it. Getting preggers isn’t that much of a miracle, at least not in my mind. It doesn’t take intelligence, and for many it’s not even a choice. For this mother it was, and so I signed the card, but the person who handed me the card irks me daily, and she, with her bible-loving heart, picked the fucking thing. No one in the office is religious, only this woman. Even the new mom is not a church goer, and I felt very uncomfortable signing a card that indicated something in which I don’t belive.

And the fucking thing was pink.

Someone please, just stab me in the eyeballs with the broad end of an umbrella.

—- Post Lunch —

Lunch: the rest of my morning coffee, funky pasta with vodka cream sauce, and some Depeche Mode. I almost like humans again.

I feel better. But food notwithstanding, that forcing religion on an office bullshit still pisses me off.

But I have happy things to talk about…like D’s job interview, C’s birthday dinner, and getting drunk watching Battlestar Galactica.

That last part…you know I’m a nerd-lady. So don’t hate. And please, don’t try to argue the fact that Starbuck is the hottest thing on television.You would be wrong.

So, back to D’s interview. While he’s happy-ish working for the big company he’s contracting with now, it’s still just a contract. No paid vacation. No benefits. Nada. And I won’t even get to the commute. D is bored out of his bald skull with the current job, and as such, has applied elsewhere. Also, it doesn’t make any sense to get to the end of a contract without prospects. But he found a company, downtown, short commute, that is offering him the same money as the company now, but full time with benefits. It would be perfect for him, and he said there wasn’t a cube-farm. Creative people don’t belong in cubes, and this place seemed to get it. They gave him the standard “well, we have a lot of people to interview…blah” but he said he felt good about it. And when he feels good, he gets the job. Besides, he was wearing his lucky bike chain bracelet, so he has to get it, right? Right. Now send happy ju-ju his way, or I will find you, cover you in peanut butter and sick my beagles on you.

I just realized, that’s probably someone’s fetish. My beagles should be spared that torture. So, never mind.

C’s birtday was great. We all went to Iorio, off Hawthorne and 9th. The place was packed, loud, and lacked the kind of decor that would really make it stand out. What did impress was the service and the food. I can forgive a big square red room for the food we had. C was kind enough to make sure there were veggie-friendly foods for D and me. One thing I love about Portland food is that they focus on local products, most of the good restraunts (and some of the less than stellar ones) make a point to focus on the best that the local farms, dairies, etc have to offer. That means the menu is different from season to season, so you can’t ever get bored. The server, and I wish I remembered her name because I just wanted to squish her, offered us the specials, and suggested wines. I fucked up and don’t remember the name of the wine I had, nor could I pronounce it, but I drank the hell out of it. It was a sparkling red. I really wish I remembered the name, damnit.

Now for the food. D had the goat cheese and butternut squash pizza. A handmade, thin crust, dusty with flour and crunchy on the tongue, held a smooth balance of cheese, dollops of the squash (which had been seasoned and purred) and caramelized onions. I Looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove caramelized onions. I don’t care if they look like earthworms, they taste divine. He loved the pizza, and looked more than a little miffed when I kept stealing peices out of his hand.

Wait.

I forgot about the gnocci.

I devoured the best gnocci I’ve ever had the honor of tasting. Fresh, puffy, rich gnocci with wild mushrooms, snap peas, and truffle oil. I’ve never tasted truffel before. But, I could have bathed myself in those gnocci. They were heaven in a tater. And everyone agreed. Even C liked the mushrooms, and she doesn’t do fungus. LOVE. THE. GNOCCI!

C had the margarita pizza, B had some dish with meat in it, and Sarah had the mushroom and pepperoni pizza. I tried an eggplant dish, but have come to realize that I don’t like eggplant. It wasn’t that they cooked it poorly, but I’ve tried to force my taste buds to like eggplant, but it just never works. Luckily I had a plate full of hand-made linguine in a lovely tomato sauce. It was good stuff.

We finished dinner, with laughter, full bellies and some coffee.  B was kind enough to be our DD, thank god, because after that much wine, I’m fun company but would be a terrrrrrible driver. We headed downtown for one of the jazz clubs we’ve been meaning to see, but forgot that there was a parade going on. Traffic was awful, we headed back to the NE side of town, to go to our standby – Mississippi Station (Mmmmmm crack fries). After night fall, it cooled quite a bit, so I to have the propane heaters turned on. We managed to have one beverage, but they were closing. I razzed the server, who returned with a BIG apology because she couldn’t give me another glass of the new zin I love (again…forgot the fucking name), but handed me a peice of paper with the name and year of a good wine she thinks I’d like.

I’m turning into a fat wino living here, and I couldn’t be happier

One more thing, if you are looking for an amazing nursery (it’s small, but perfect) in Portland, take a look at the Pistils Nursery. The NICEST people work there. They answered all my questions. They have chickens. They have air plants, and tomato starters, and all kinds of rare stuff. I will be spending a lot of money there, soon, I’m sure. But I bought C’s present there. Perhaps she’ll take a picture so I can show you —- hint—-. Good place, and within biking distance. Did I mention the chickens?

Miss Amandapants met us for breakfast on Sunday @ Cup and Saucer. But we ended up hanging out all day. She’d never seen 3:10 to Yuma, and we have it on Blu-ray, so I made dinner, and we all snuggled into the couch for some movie watching. Oh, she did go with me to the grocery store. You know you are friends when someone is willing to brave Sunday’s shoppers for a cheap meal. And we managed to get into the 12 items only lane. I kind of wondered why the register lady was being so bitchy, but when she’d FINISHED ringing up 128 bucks worth of groceries, she finally pointed out my error. Honestly, Amanadapants and I spaced. He hadn’t intentionally pulled that move, but hey, shit happens. Move on. At least Amanda only had 3 things. I think she made up for my folly.

And now I am going to refill my coffee and think happy, non-homicidal, allergic to pink thoughts. I have class tonight, and that’s exactly what I need.

I’m only partially sorry for the rant in the beginning. Can’t keep that stuff pent up — it will give me cancer or something.

Fucking duh!

But I am now interested in reading the book. Not because it Bush bashes, because Mr. McClellan was on of Bush’s chums. I don’t think there’s going to be a lot of overt criticism of the president But Rice, and Powell, and Rove – those stories still interest me, although I know they will royally piss me off.

I never finished my weekend recap.

So, on Sunday, after we BBQ’d out at the park, Lex and I had to figure out something to cook for the brood. After much discussion (see: confused arguing and “no – you decide” type conversation) we opted for the grill again. This time, I would grill out veggie skewers, baked taters (hurricane food), asparagus and veggie Italian sausage. G would cook the meatworst (brats) and the corn. It ended up being that I cooked everything except the meat. But it came out holyshit good. The grilled asparagus was almost perfect. A little olive oil, salt and pepper plus fire and you have

*ta da!*

Really damn good food. And I bought 2 bunches of it, thinking that I would lose about half to being overripe or slightly foul, but they were perfect. I even got the non veggieheads trying out the stuff. And again, my nephew J loved it all. And I want a big-ass grill with lots of fire, because that made the food damn tasty. Some of Lex’s neighbors came over, and we all ended up talking until late in the evening…okay it was 2:30 or so when I went to bed.

And we left first thing in the morning. But Lex called yesterday and told me I left my spices there. I bring them with me when I go to her house, because well….she doesn’t have some of the same stuff I do.  But I left them there, and that means, eating out tonight.

Now, back to work, but…. little linkies…kind of like sausages, but not.

• Find out what’s in season, and cook it. Being up here in the NW, it’s harder to get foods year round and I can tell you right now, the garlic I’m getting today vs. the garlic I bought 2 months ago is FAR superior, so it’s nice to know what’s out there so I can plan accordingly.
• Gay birds…good parents. I find these kinds of articles interesting, because I think they go towards proving that being gay, straight, transgendered, etc. is not a choice. It’s something we are born with. And as such, I won’t deny that I still fancy girls….from afar.
• And I am going to start taking Budokon classes. I bought the DVD a few years ago, and tried to keep with it, but once I get my ass home, it’s just too easy to sit down. Twice a week, it should help get me into shape and move my brain from constantly thinking about smoking, and more into thinking about peaceful things….like…..not smoking. Momma needs help, and this is good for me because it’s part martial arts and part yoga.
• Half and half equals… a vote that most don’t know how to court. Being half white and half hispanic, one could argue that I don’t have enough of a ethnic mix to give a shit about the other ethnicities, but I do, and when people pay attention to that which isn’t WASPish, then I perk up as well.
• How to carve up the N Pole - and it just makes me sad.
• But this, of course, makes me very happy.

Have a chipper Wednesday.

And now, to the silliness….

What were you doing five years ago?
May of 2003:
1) Living in the duplex in the Delaney Park neighborhood of Orlando.

2.) Still able to drink a gallon of wine with D without getting wicked hung over.

3.) Going to Southern Night with David July on work nights.

4.) Planned on starting college??

5.) I have a shittastic memory, so that entire section could be untrue

What are five things on your to-do list for today (not in any particular order)?
1. Clean the litter box…my basement reeks
2. Vote
3. Try to cheer the world up
4. Poop
5. Read more of Bird by Bird – by Anne Lamott (I miss Dr. Laws, and her writing classes)

What are five snacks you enjoy?
1. Chips and salsa
2. Hit cookies – they are a kind of cookie, not what you should do if I have one and you want it.
3. popcorn – no butter just salt
4. chips and salsa
5. Dry roasted almonds

What five things would you do if you were a billionaire?
1. Buy a house with a big porch, a big backyard, two offices (So D and I don’t have to share), a library, with a well appointed kitchen and an indoor grill.
2. Put money into college funds for my sister’s spawn, and my birthdaughter
3. Take D to Rome
4. Buy a vineyard
5. Spend the rest of my life writing, and not working for the man

What are five of your bad habits?
1. Smoking
2. Speeding
3. Road Rage
4. Not picking up my socks from the living room
5. The internet (it’s a habit)

What are five places where you have lived?
1. Miami, FL
2. Geaukonighshaufen, Germany
3. Egenburg, Germany
4. Fayetteville, NC
5. Portland, OR (home sweet home)

What are five jobs you’ve had?
1. Professional office monkey
2. Bitchy bartender
3. Food Server with chip on shoulder
4. Bookseller (one of my favorite jobs)
5. Bath & Body stock girl (with a fully pierced face, so they kept me in the back room, trying to kill me with all of those over-powerful scents.

Which five people do you want to tag?

1.) Topsy

2.) Amandapants

3.) Cat

4.)D (although I know he won’t because he just trolls the blog hehehe)

5.) Someone from school (I see you, you Seton Hill lurkers!)

I medicated myself to sleep last night. Hard drugs…you know…
*whispering*
Benadryl…. shhh….

Seriously, an hour after I take that stuff I’m sleeeeeeping like a leetle bambino. I’ve needed it. I’m “diamond in the ass” wound up. Meaning? Jam a peice of coal up my colon and … PRESTOCHANGO! Shazzam! Diamond in less than 10 seconds.

Wait. Maybe that’s why I have gas. Diamonds!

I don’t know where I’m going with this.

Obama won NC. Wh00t!

• Fucking, only in Florida. Teacher gets in trouble for wizardry. Jeezus.
• Tooth check. Make ‘em better naturally. I heart black tea.
• Easy targets – fishermen (maybe) shoot sea lions at dam. This is a local issue to Portland, and the upper NW, but I think it resonates. Regardless of your beliefs, killing an animal in a trap is just fucking stupid. Unless you are into that whole “sport” hunting thing like Cheney. I understand that people are frustrated by the lack of salmon, and that these creatures are eating them up, but people dammed up the rivers. Want to blame someone, look in the mirror.
• Lifehacker tips for blogging. I need to use these more often.
• Big booty = less chance of diabetes! W0000 h000! I knew having a fat ass would do some some good someday.
• I’m all giddy for Batman, but Two-face looks fucked up. Hmm.

It’s a touch early, but D and I renewed our lease verbally yesterday with the landlady. She wanted to make sure we wanted to stay in the place. It’s damn hard to find rental properties here in Portland, damn hard. And although the house is far from perfect, it’s still our place, and it can only be as good as we make it. So, the gardening will begin shortly and maybe I’ll even fix the tiles on the porch (the enntire front porch is tiled). I can’t believe I graduated from Rollins almost a year ago, and I’m through my first year as a master’s student. Time sure does fly. There still aren’t any solid plans to return to the flaccid penis state…except maybe in November to surprise his Momma for her birthday. That’s WAY up in the air right now. We’ll see….

I’m off to meetings in Battle Ground. Remind me to tell you about the hawks and the highway.

Tonight is BATTLESTAR (you can watch the whole episode online right now, I think). Dood…. I’m such a geek, so I’ll link you to a few things.

• Here is an 8 minute recap of the first 3 seasons. It’s actually really informative and kind of funny.
• The Coolest fucking T-shirt ever….  But really, only if you are a Battlestar dork.
• Wired did a short piece. They also interviewed Six….
• An interesting interview with Ron Moore. He seems like kind of a prick when doing his podcasts, but I admire his vision. It’s going to be a good season.

I’m having a hard time with the sanity lately, and I am sane enough to understand that there’s an issue (Ignorance is truly bliss…I used to act nutso and didn’t give a shit what happened later….fucking conscience). Not working out as much as I should, I admit, but I’m alternately exhausted and then wound up so tight it feels like my head is going to explode. I’m reactionary…..at work. This is not boding well for my career with my company. The paranoia that comes with mania for me is getting worse, so I’m just trying to keep my nose clean. Tonight, I will get on my trainer before I do anything else, and I will try to calm down. There’s more writing to be done. My muse is sometimes amused when I’m manic, but more often than not I spin my wheels and wonder why the fucking novel won’t write itself.

Speaking of the weekend. Miss Amandapants is taking us to a rugby game! Wh00t! I’m excited. I’ll take pictures for you. I’m sure there will be blood, and that’s a good thing, no?

Hope you are having a Happy Flyday.