Blech. That is all I have to say.
I didn’t study last night. My brain was mush from the ride, but I am leaving work early today so I can hang out with Julie and study. D’s taking a half day as well! YAY!
So wish me luck!
Have a happy monday.
Did I mention that I got a sunburn?
He’s the quiet one. The funny one. The one who put colorful band-aids on my elbows and made sure that I understood the fragility and beauty of Nature. When I rebelled (I’m still not sure who I was rebelling against) and fell deeply into the piercing scene, it was his tears that propelled me into an understanding of what I had done to his image of me. I never wore metal in his presence again. He defended my friendships with different races and classes with a fierce vehemence. The person he “talked” to lived across the street, and when he left Gramps’s garage, he never crossed the street again. I never doubted his love for me, and it was his approval, more than almost anyone else’s that I sought to gain.
He’s got lung cancer. Mom sounded so exhausted when she told me. She’s tired of taking it in the face by the Fates. They’ve dealt her a shite blow this winter, with Rhonda (who is still in a coma) and now Gramps. Add my uncle being in jail, and we are just ready to have a party. I made her laugh, because that’s what you do with Mom. She started to cry behind the tears, but I made her laugh again. I think the smile stuck with her the second time.
I tried to call Alexis, and left a message for her to call me, but she never did. I don’t have my brother’s number right in my phone. I told Mom I would call him and give him the news. I will try again tonight.
I think I will write him a letter tonight. Maybe a poem. My poetry defeated a wicked case of breast cancer when I was sixteen, or at least that’s what Aunt Jonie told me. I will write him a poem, and perhaps it will help him focus on getting better.
My classes ended with all A’s. Actually I got an A- in Art, but I expected less so I am happy. Actually, I’m not happy. I could care less about my grades.
Tonight I will walk to beagles (because my calves are VERY sore) and look into quitting smoking. Frankie and I plan on quitting come Jan 1, so it’s time to mentally prepare.
If you are my friend, please support me in this. Do not give me even one drag after the first of the year. Don’t smoke around me. I don’t want cancer, and I want to keep my promise to David, and more importantly, myself.
I will focus on the mundane tasks for the day. That’s all I can do at this moment. One step in front of the other. I just realized how much this hurts. But I will work. I will go to Rollins and protest my late charge on a book I turned in on time. I will make dinner. I will walk. I will continue with things as they were before that phone call.
But I love you Gramps. Blessed Be.
No more tests for a few weeks, but man, I fee like ass. I think that nasty flu-bug that everyone’s suffered from has finally arrived at my doorstep. I hate snot. Just thought you should know that.
There’s more to say, but I am really exahusted and I am working late to make up for the electrician coming to the house this morning. I hate working late, but what are you going to do?
I was going to start on my enchilada sauce for the party tomorrow but maybe I’ll just nap. Napping is good.
Congrats to all the graduates. Luckily, I’m not too far behind!
I won’t be on much today. I plan on studying for my final and getting work done and trying not to panic.
You know how it is.
Good luck to everyone that has finals today!
I got a ticket. Yes, I was speeding. But it was for $255 dollars for going 27 in a 15 when school was in session. I would like to state for the record that I think it’s bullshit. I was coming around a corner, trying to get away from the asshole that was tailgating me, and boom! Ticket! So, yeah. That’s in addition to leaving my paper at work and being utterly stressed out for my presentation today I got to school and started crying. Nora gave me a hug. Julie consoled me. David calmed me down…..
So, the shite hit the fan. I got a huge ticket. It was my fault, but I am still quite pissed about it.
Good news - I can turn in my paper tomorrow and I got an A in my Portfolio Class.
So as with all things in life - you get the good and the bad. But I still hate Winter Park Cops. I think speed traps are crap. Get the bastards that run stop signs. The ones that run red lights….school wasn’t even out then. Fuckers.
I turned everything in tonight. That class is essentially over. Thank god.
Now for some well earned sleep!
Sweet dreams to all and to all a good night!
So the portfolio is finished, but there are issues in assembling it because I have images and such. %#$%#(*^#%^(#$%^ professor. She wanted the fucking thing on a disk, rather than a live web link and now it’s cause all kinds of havok. I am praying that D can get it working in time. I am so tired. I’ve been sitting at this desk for almost 2 hours now - two hours too long.
I have a headache.
I didn’t eat breakfast because my ricemilk was warm.
I got coffee but it was burnt.
I realized after reading through my reflective essay thingy that I am missing a lot of shit - and I hope I have all of it at home.
I’m in a shitefuckpissy mood and I don’t want to be around anyone. The good thing is that D kicked me in the tush and I went running last night with the fuzzies. No matter how tired I am today, I am going to run again. I think my moodswings are getting bad again.
And my camera rocks.
I am teaching myself how to focus on the good…part of my internal reprogramming. But all the fluffy zen thoughts in the world cannot drive this exhaustion away.
I want a fucking nap.
Have a lovely day.
PS - David - thank you for being the best huzzie ever and for all your help and stuff. I love you. Now I can go back to being grumpy!
I just have to insert the images and rework one of my draft stages and the reflective essay is finito!! (is that how you spell that?)
I had a hard day, made all the better by sushi and D’s presence. So, on that happy note, I shall take my tired ass to bed. I will sleep soundly, without regret. And hopefully I will not wake myself up in a panic over my papers.
Send me sleepy vibes !
I registered for my classes. I shall be taking the following:
Modern Humanities
The Fiction Workshop
Northern Renaissance Art
I need to get to work today, but did you seee the news last night with the washout at Bennet and Colonial? I saw my boss on t.v. It amused me.
One midterm and one presentation. I finished the presentation last night, but D and I ran a few errands and I passed out too early to get any real studying done. Doh!
So, I am working on it now. I should be pretty silent for most of the day. I plan on jamming as much into my brain as possible…..I hate tests!
I spent the day with my lovely co-student Judith and our fearless study buddy Lamonda. I woke up late (although D was kind enough to call me to wake me up) and headed over to Judith’s house once I had managed to pull my ass out of the shower. We talked over what we thought would be on the test, and although I feel really good about it, I’m sure I didn’t use my vocabulary as I should have. The problem with an essay style midterm is that about half way through I feel my fingertips on my right hand start burning. Then I notice the callous on my middle finger is starting to get bloody. I picked the wrong pen for this test. It had ridges. Ridges hurt. But on the bright side I got an A on Levis’s last paper. I couldn’t read most of his handwriting, but I did understand “outstanding job.” I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. So, that’s one midterm down, one presentation and a second midterm to go. It’s all downhill from here.
The only thing that sucks about my week is that I am going to have to work both Saturday and Sunday since I have taken today off and I shall be off on Thursday. I should be working on my presentation at this very moment, but I find that I just want to call Tali and relay my fantabulous news about my grade. I think I’ll do that after I finish this entry.
The weekend, which I neglected to write about, flew by too swiftly. We managed to go to Babo’s on Friday for another delicous dinner, and spent the rest of the evening talking over a few glasses of wine. Yes, it was lovely.
I didn’t drink too much because I knew that the following morning I had to be up at a decent hour to meet Vanya and Julie so we could make a quick trip to Sarasota for the Ringling Museum. I have pictures, I’ve just not loaded them yet. I will write more about that trip when I get those up.
Sunday I spent studying with Judith and trying to negotiage the rocky terrain of my emotional being. Monday I called the shrink, so you know how that went.
Last night I talked to Mom for almost two hours. Finally, we caught up on the goings-on of Grandpa Kennedy (who had 2 strokes a few weeks ago and has been in a rehab center since), our uncle and aunt and their imminent divorce, my brother’s team winning their flag football game, and other stuff.
Right now, D is at his brother’s house trying to teach them how to use their iPod on a Dell. Ewww Dell. But at least they got the good music player.
So now I depart. I’m going to pack my lunch for tomorrow, get my clothes together for my run (I need to move my ass, and the dogs will love me for it) and start on my project for creative writing…….or maybe I should just call Tali…hmmmm….
D’s off today, resting comfortably at home with the fuzzies. I’m gritting my teeth this morning, painfully uninterested and bothered by the consistant bullshit that swims around my feet in this place. But, it’s Monday. What can I really do?
I’ve got timesheets, lunch with D, a study group at school and other stuff going on today. Not much to say. My eyes feel heavy and I’m wearing spectacular dark circles beneath them. It shocked me this morning. I’ve not seen myself look so terrible, so exhausted by frustration, rage and inconsistant shifts.
I just need to get through this week. Two midterms and a presentation.
I’m going to go back to listening to my podcasts. They take me out of this place for a while….have a happy Monday.
He sped in front of me, touching off a slight irritation. Then I noticed that he dove through the traffic like a shark through dark waters. I rode the wake behind him, easing left and then right. Following his motions, I did not not have to fight with sleepy commuters. Rather, I just followed and was satisfied. It was the perfect drive. I left the house 10 minutes late, but arrived at work with 5 to spare. So, out there somewhere is a sleek silver Nissan that guided me past a late moment….and to them I send out blessings.
I am a shade of tired that pains. School last night was a dream. The Writer’s Portfolio is filled with expecant young folk (see: Day Students) and I felt like a flopping fish out of water when I finally settled into my worn, wooden chair. Lezlie Laws saw me sitting outside, remarked on my hair ( I Looooove it! - spoken with enthusiasm, and animation) and then told me that the Portfolio class was not a requirement for the Holt Student minor. I almost choked on my coffee. But, Twila Papay informed us Holt students (there are a whopping total of 3 in the class!) that the class would count for the portfolio itself, so there was no need to turn in further work at the end of our senior year. I say, “Score!” I wasn’t terribly pleased with the prospect of having to deal with kids again, but perhaps it will work out in the end.
Baroque art was once again Leslie Boles being who she is. I was mad tired by the time I got to her class, but I laughed a lot. There are tons of people in that class that I know, so that’s fun.
I’m kind of bummed that my weekend is a washout. I wanted to see a few people and I desperately need to clean the house. I doubt I will manage much more than a quick vacuum of the house and a lot of naps….so tired!
Today is going to be the longest day of the week. Why? Because I have to be at work by 6:30, so I can get off at 2:30. I have class at 4. I need extra time to eat something, drink gallons of coffee, and to find parking at school. I have 2 classes tonight, so I won’t get home till after 10….long day. Soooo tired am I. So tired. D couldn’t get comfy, so I had to move onto the couch. Such is life with a shitty bed (I’m still pissed we spent so much money on it) and a restless, pained huzzie.
The good thing is that I got paid. The bad thing is that I am fucking exhausted. Oh, and I started on Book 6 of Harry Potter last night. I had to stop myself from reading too much because I would have been up all night…. Damn Rowling for not having the series finished! Oh well, I guess I shall have to wait for the next book like the rest of the Muggles (heehehehehe). I have turned into a fan. I must buy all the books….yay for addiction.
So all my plans for the weekend are blown out of the water. I have to make up the time I missed on Monday and Wednesday. I’m not terribly pleased with that, but I don’t have much in the way of vacation time left to burn. So sad….
I’m off to drool on my keyboard.
For those of you who are interested:
Tues - Humanities with Levis the Wonderbastard! Cornell Hall Rm 135 6:45-9:25
Thurs - The Writer’s Portfolio, Orlando Hall 101 4-6:40 ~ Baroque and Rooco Art , Cornell Fine Arts Center 116 (aahhh I love that room! ) 6:45 - 9:25.
So, I am doubling up on Thursdays, which is quite foolish, but my schedule is limited at this point. Gotta cram in what’s avalible. I almost miss being a sophomore. It was cool when I had one year behind me and so many interesting classes to look forward to.
It’s here
It just figures that I have 2 classes I need that are scheduled at the same time, the humanities and the editing essentials.
Bloody hell.
And Hanson’s back to teaching at Holt!
Grrr…I’m just annoyed. Tell all of your friends NOT to take Horowitz (she’s teaching a few classes) and if you take Damoff (she’s teaching major english writers 2) then you really HAVE to read the texts. She’s fun, if a bit grating at times. but if you get the work done then you will do fine in that class.
So, the bitchmaster of Mythology in Lit posted our grades. I ended up with an A-. How? I have no fucking idea. I did get A’s on all 4 of the papers, but I didn’t really finish the final. I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth (I don’t want to get too close to her - her makeup is frightening!), but I am completly dumbfounded as to how my grade went up that much! Oh well.
So, in the fall I will be taking Humanities….that also knocks out Baroque…so sad. =(
Puck was sick last night. We think its due to too many rawhides. I think I slept maybe 2 hours, fitfully. D tried to temper the madness, isolating himself and Puck in the living room. But, Pip was restless, and woke me up walking around the bed and checking on the door. Needless to say, that tipped me into uber-depression mode. But, I have coffee now, I ate a little something and D told me that Puck seemed a lot better when he left. I wanted to take him to the vet, but it looks like we are going to see if Nature heals things. Val didn’t help either….I am taking a nap when I get home!
I am going to get all the fun hair chopped off today. I want to grow it back out without all the damage (the blonde parts REALLY bug me now) I am going to stick to my natural color, although I may throw a bit of red in there for good measure. It’s back to the pixie cut for me! (also, I don’t have to “do” my hair in the morning, which will give me 2 more minutes to sleep!)
I spoke with my advisor yesterday about the professor from hell and my future. Did you know that I’M A MOTHERFUCKING SENIOR???!?!?!!?!?!?! **happy dance - happy dance**. So, uhm, yeah, we are down to the home stretch. Thank fucking GOD! And I am going to take one class this summer. It’s called Chemistry of Life. I need to get this gen-ed requirement out of the way, and I figure I would rather ruin 2 months of my life trying to make my brain work in unnatural ways (at least unnatural for it…after all, I’m a wordsmith not a math-dork) instead of 4. Nice logic, eh? We are going to bleed the rock dry to get the money, but I really want to get this shite class out of the way. (have you ever noticed that people you ignore tend to be really nosey and intrusive when you are ignoring them?…sorry…it’s just a thought). So, that’s my plan for the summer. But I am going to bike to class every day, and try to keep Roja in the driveway for most of the summer. It will save money and burn fat…just what I want.
So, I am really tired and I am sure I am rambling now….so I shall go back to pretending to work.
I’ll add links to the course descriptions tomorrow.
And I have to find out when I graduate…ugh.
An article, which seems to solve my problem of moving to a particular location to go to school. I was very excited to learn that the University of British Columbia offered a low res program. What made me sad was that 192 people applied and only 35 were accepted. (this is a new program for them)…..here’s to hoping against hope.
Meow | 
03 13th, 2006| 