I miss some things about Florida, some of the intangibles that those who reside there will take for granted because it’s a part of the every day. Right now I’m in a mode of analyzing what’s important or noteworthy, of weighing the aspects of this and that and seeing what they mean to me and mine. I think Grannie’s death, and the trip to the Carolinas reminded me of a lot of things, and it can be summed up in a quote from an amazing schoolmate of mine. She told me, “Life’s too short to read shitty books.” I think that statement is applicable to all things, and it made me think, and think deeply. I fully intended on writing about the trip to the Carolinas, of telling you ever tear-soaked detail about how the family came together to mourn our matriarch. But she was a storyteller, above all else, and I think she would like the way her story will be told, at least by me. Step by step regurgitation of events is boring…but add a little nuance, and you have magic.

My observations throughout the past few weeks:

• The nicest stranger, a southern gentleman with stories for days, sat next to me on the plane from Pittsburgh to Atlanta. He told me tales of his life, how he stayed in Frisco every year where my mother lives, and teaches people to ski. I imagine that he would be a great conversationalist over dinner, with a beverage. And when we deboarded, he pulled my bag down from the overhead compartment and carried until we reached the train.  I told him I could carry it. “I’m a southern gentleman,” he said, with his raspy, world-wise voice. I knew he was a gentleman when he sat down next to me, made brief eye contact and then looked at his hands. His son is just a few years younger than I am, and blogs. I wanted to know the name of his son’s blog, so he handed me his buisiness card and told me to e-mail him. It’s sitting on my desk, and on my list of things to do tonight. You can tell a lot about a person when you watch their first contact with you. Some people bow their heads, intent on never sharing eye contact. Others stare (the tattoo on the chest doesn’t help) and seem to want to dominate. But he was only interested in whittling away the time with a chat. And I have to say, it’s the best flight I’ve had in years.
• The sky takes a deep breath before she exhales a southern storm. The air stills, and even the crickets respect the silence before the thunder rumbles through. Each creature takes a moment. Then the breath of violence, which turns the whisper of the trees into a rumble of rage. Leaves torn litter the lawn like confetti. Branches snap off and fall to the ground. But you can’t hear their snapping for the thunder and the trees. And then the rains beging. Not a trickle, but a sheet. A wall of smokey white marches through the wind and smacks the roof with a satisfying tempo. Once your ears grow used to the sounds, the mix of water on wood and wet leaf against bark, the sky stills, the winds dissapate, and the world is left to steam. Heat and wet cook the wood, until all is quiet.
• Writers are a self-centered bunch. They love words, especially their own, and want everyone to love them as well. This isn’t an observation of one person, rather of the collective at school. I think the reason we (and I do include myself in this) are so loud, and so eager to speak is that we want to share. Some do love the sounds of their own voices, and other’s won’t chime in for fear of ridicule. But if you gather a group of writers together, add a splash of wine and a week of no sleep, you will come home and realize that your head is full of words, your live is exhausted, you are overly tired, your ears may ring, and although writers can be self-centered, you would go back to Res in a heartbeat. Well, maybe…. as long as they had something for veggies that wasn’t a cheese sandwich.
• Sculpted hinges are cool as hell. Don’t deny it.
• Shy people fascinate me, especially successful shy people. My new mentor, who is very nice, seemed uneasy around me. My solution is one that my sister would appreciate, for our immediate reaction to people less obnoxious than ourselves (bad  grammar, I know)is to make total asses out of ourselves. If Gary, or Calie reads this — think Lionel Richie and dancing on the ceiling. My stupidity makes me snort. I think I am the funniest person I know.
• I watched a grown man bring a woman to tears during residency, and it did not make me happy. So I pulled aside said man, and tried to explain to him how to work in a group. Maybe I was a little rude about it, but I can’t abide accusatory crits. When he critiqued my work, I also felt a little defensive. I don’t want people to blow sunshine up my ass, but I’ll be damned if someone is going to tear my work (or anyone else’s for that matter) down to nothing. Beyond my rough, fuck-the-world exterior, I really hate it when people are rude or embarrass others. What I’m saying is the badass is a facade…just ask my beagles.
• My Grandmother has been reduced to ashes it, and it just hit Momma yesterday. And there’s nothing I can say to make it better. I feel so fucking powerless.

And that’s all the storyteller wants to talk about right now. I’m eyeball deep in work.

And KL - I’m sending hugs, love.

Soooooooooooooooooooo….lemme know.

And now I have to go back to work. I’m slammed.

At least he didn’t kill the animals (although with the new litter box being such an issue for Puck and Val, he thought about it).

While I am exceedingly happy to be home, I already miss residency. The energy, the smiles. being told I’m fierce (it’s a good thing to be told considering how floppy I feel right now), the readings, the support, the personalities, the laughter… I miss it already. I do not, however, miss cheese sandwiches or stupid booze laws. But Calie and Nu were amazing roomates. Michele and Shara were so much fun to hang out with (and Michele’s commentary while driving was priceless). Seeing everyone, meeting the new students, meeting my new mentor, saying goodbye to Anne as a mentor, it was just an overhwleming week. That, and people I actually care for graduated. That just blows, but in a nice, congratulatory kind of way.

If this isn’t making sense, I haven’t had coffee yet.

I’m uploading pictures on my Flikr account. I took over 400, 30 of which are actually viable. I have more to say and more to do, but I’m going to get myself some Cup and Saucer, because I deserve it

So, wish me well…. for now, I go to bed.

2. Have you ever dated 2 guys at the same time?  No, one’s more than enough
Yup. I worked @ Border in Ft. Lauderdale, and had both the boys I was dating visit me at wok. But they came at the same time. I kept one outside on the back patio and the other upstairs in the music section. It worked for about an hour befoe one stomped off, pouting. Neither relationship lasted very long.

3. Do you own a gun?
Nope. I don’t believe n them

 4. What flavor do you add to your drink at sonic?
Sonic is nasty.

 5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Depends. The gyno freaks me out, but that’s because the last time I went to one, they decided my cervix was defective. I hate bad news.

 6. What do you think of hot dogs?
Lips and assholes…if you are lucky.

 7. Favorite Christmas movie?
White Christmas

 8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
I would bathe in coffee if I could

9. Can you do push ups?
girly ones. But soon, I will be super push up girl.

 10. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry?
My wedding ring

 11. What’s your favorite hobby?
I refuse to pick just one. I love: reading, playing video game, going to movies and photography.

 12. Do you have A.D.D.?
No, I’m just a space case. I don’t have an excuse.

 13. What’s one trait you hate about yourself?
Lack of will powe

 14. Middle name?
Jil

 15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
I have to fart, but I’m in the computer lab with my fellow students. I really hope Panera has something I can eat. I have to finish that last crit tonight.

 16. Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
Wine, a cafeteria lunch, a pinata
17. Name 4 drinks you regularly drink?
Water, coffee, beer, wine

 18. Current worry?
Can I finish my novel in time, and will Calie and Gary think it’s shitty?

 19. What do you hate right now?
Not being able to fart.

 20. Favorite place to be?
At Cup and Saucer……I want a MaryAnne Sandwich and good coffee GODDAMNIT! /end tantrum

 21. How did you bring in the New Year?
A la casa with D, the new house, Amandapants, and my sister and Mel on X-box video. We were mooned

 22. Where would you like to go?
Home

 23. Name two people who will complete this.
Amandapants already did. So, maybe Lex, and Cat?
 24. Do you own slippers? 
One pair. Pip ate the other pair.

 25. What shirt are you wearing?
Black tank top

 26. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
Ew. No

 27. Can you whistle?
Yup. I don’t do it often though.

28. Favorite color?
Purple

 29. Would you be a pirate?
I’m already an interne pirate.
 30. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I’m ususally too sleepy to sing.

 31. Favorite girl’s name?
Amayia

 32. Favorite boy’s name?
Gabriel

33. What’s in your pocket right now?
My lunch ticket

34. Last thing that made you laugh?
Watching one of the workshop leaders try to fire a crossbow with a pen loaded. We thought it would go across the room (the arrow was too dangerous) but it just kind of slid to the floor.
35. Best bed sheets as a child?
Why would I know this?

 36. Worst injury you’ve ever had?
Staph infection in my left breast.

37. Do you love where you live?
Yes. It is all I’ve ever wanted.

38. How many TV’s do you have in your house?
Currently 3. One in the living room and two are downstairs in the basement, not being used. One is my sister’s.
39. Who is your loudest friend?
I have to pick just one?
 40. How many dogs do you have?
2 beeeeeeeeeagles

41. Does someone have a crush on you?
D better. Or at least he should think I’m cute o something.

 43. What is your favorite candy?
Mint patties

44. What song do you want played at your Funeral?
Severance by Dead Can Dance —- and then

45. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Cleaning up after the wine social.

46. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Oye vey. Too much wine and too little sleep.

• I have blogstalkers, and that’s just cool.
• Big people should not be allowed to take up 1/4 of my airplane seat. If you can’t put down the armrest, and can’t buckle the seatbelt, then you should buy another seat and not sleep on me, snoring, shaking your legs for an entire flight.
• That means — I didn’t sleep on the flight from PDX to Charlotte.
• That means I am freaking tired.
• I really missed the people I go to school with.
• Vanessa, Shara, Aubrey and all the other graduates — congrats.
• It’s a running joke that I’m the paparazi now. I take pictures from the back seat while Nu drives, and sometimes the flash goes off. It was funny, but I had a feeling that you had to be there.
• I became a donkey pinata proctologist.
• I’m terrified of my new mentor, although everyone tells me he is fantastic.
• I already miss Anne Harris’s support….. le sigh.
• Calie, my fearless crit partner, has stirred interest in an agent. I want to be just like her when I grow up — purple hair and everything.
• Grannie’s death started hitting me last night. It was kind of overhwhelming.
• I miss D.
• Val is still having issues. I may kill him if he pisses in my Chrome bag again.
• I will have lots of pictures from my trip, and that’s a good thing.
• Tonight we are having the wine social…pictures will ensue.
• I’m already tired of cheese sandwiches.
• The weather has been mostly beautiful, but it rained today. Greensburg gets very very steamy.
• Red Lobster scares me.
• I was flagged by the Govt. for my student loans. I have to forward my W2s and other tax documents before they will release my money for school.
• PA has the stupidest alcohol laws in the country. At least, as far as I’ve noticed.
• I need to eat.

And that’s all from school for now. More updates when I’ve got time, or the internet stops hating me.

I also slept till 1 on Saturday.

See ya later.

But interestingly enough, David Sedaris was on the flight to San Diego. I was a little too excited to give a shit, but it was cool to see him in person.

I planned on writing a long post about what a cold, smelly, unfriendly cesspool of disinterest JFK was, and how the staff at Jet Blue were way more intersted in text-messaging their families than they were in helping their customers get home to their families, but that’s just not spreading good stuff. But I did get a cold ( thanks Mom ) and start my period @ JFK. I’m thinking I got all my bad-travel crap out of the way with this trip, so my trip to school should be smooth sailing. If not, then promise to have a full-on temper tantrum in the airport.

I will write my post about the trip a little later. D is sneaking out of work. We are headed to Cup and Saucer, and then off to New Seasons for some house stuff. But it feels awesome being back home.

Yes, I wanted to have a tantrum.

I am emotionally incapable of writing something serious about Grannie’s passing, or the time we spent with the cousins and the uncles. I have a lot to say, but I’m keeping it together just enough to get myself home…. if I’m lucky, sometime around 8ish….

… from an Irish Blessing.

She’s gone now.

I love you Grannie.

• My Grannie will be gone soon.
• My mother is dealing with the death of her mother, a divorce, and uncertain work future and carrying the weight of dealing with an entire family’s load of issues.
• My Budokan class has been canceled - she just didn’t get enough students interested and can’t afford to rent the space anymore.
• I was 45 minutes late to work because the alarm didn’t go off.
• I have to fly tomorrow.
• I’m fat.
• I have a shitload of work to do, and only one day to finish it all.
• I haven’t finished my novel.

A lot of that is pretty negative, but on to happy shiny stuff.

The Good:

• My Grannie won’t be in pain soon.
• My mother has the support of her entire family.
• I bought Budokan DVDs a few weeks ago, and they just arrived.
• My teacher is also a yoga instructor, so I will hook up with her for those classes since I can’t get my live Budokan fix.
• She may get me a gym discount.
• I got to snuggle up to Pip for 30 extra minute this morning. The room was chilly, and his little nose nuzzled in my arm.
• I am flying with my sister tomorrow.
• Our brother will also be joining us in Charlotte.
• While I am much heavier than I’ve ever been, I’ve stuck with Budokan for weeks (it’s a start) and I am going to set up the basement so I can continue my practice.
• My boss told me that I didn’t have to return to work next week when I get back from Charlotte. Instead he said “get your head right for school, and when you come back to work, your head will be in a good place.” We don’t get along sometimes, but he’s not the ogre I thought he was and I get a few days to collect myself, which is awesome. Most of that time will be paid.
• My novel is still in progress. One step at a time.
• My friends have been immensely supportive and kind.
• I have really nice earrings.

My poor Budokan teacher was really sad when she told us (me and one other student) about having to cancel the class. She has other opportunities to teach yoga, and she has to make ends meet, so I completely understand.  But I really enjoyed the time I spent in that studio - with its exposed, water-stained beams, the industrial light fixutures (with low-light halogen bulbs), the exposed brick, the interesting figurines everywhere. I noticed that I was able to focus last night. I found my breath and reveled in my peace and the stillness of the moment. And it could have been because it was my last class, or because I needed that space.

The sadness isn’t gone, but it’s been put in a little cup and placed on a high shelf where I will need a stepladder to reach it. I know it’s there and I know I’m going to have to deal with it, but the sun is shining today. It’s almost warm. I have one day of work to complete and then 2 weeks in which to deal with my Grannie, school, 4 plane rides, packing, and not seeing D. Right now my heart is okay, and I have to be grateful for that.

Have a great Friday, and do me a favor - share how you feel with someone you love, but who may not know it. Don’t let moments pass when you can say something helpful or nice. It’s all happy-hippy karma of me, but just deal with it - damnit!

Cat - thanks for the flowers hon. They definatly helped.

And there are more, but I have to leave work now and take Pip for his shots. He’s going to get poked up the butt. He’s having tushy issues, and I’m tired of watching him scootch his ass on my clean-ish carpets. They are probably going to do something to his glands….. *shudder* I hate that part, and they aren’t even CLOSE to my ass. And I have to collect a stool sample, which means I have to walk the beasties, in the rain, to make sure I get the poop. That dog better know how much I love him.

And you know, that’s how I REALLY thank people… I start talking about dog anal glands. Yes, I am the shit…. hehehe…get it…. shit…. AHAHAHA.

/end caffinated lunacy

Today’s blessing - meetings all day, all over. First to Vancouver and then to Battle Ground. I’ve got a lot to do, but thought I would post a short update. That update being that there’s really no update. I’m in a holding pattern until today, when more end-of-life people will be met with and doctors will determine the danger in trying a surgery that could save her life, at least for a little while. I think I put it best when I was talking to a coworker - it’s like putting a band-aid on a broken dike. You can’t stop the inevetible.

I slept last night. I didn’t wait for the phone to ring, I didn’t stay on the couch because I was too awake to sleep and watch TV until 4 am. Pip and I curled up together and I think I fell asleep watching Hell’s Kitchen or some bullshit. D finally instructed me to go to bed. And Pip snuck under the covers. He really is a ninja-beagle.

My class last night went well. I’m not as sore as I have been, but I don’t think my head was in my practice yesterday. I felt distracted, by the noise in the rooms next door, or the washing machine in the back of the studio, or the cars, or my grandmother, or school. I couldn’t get my focus working nor my breathing steady. It takes practice, I know. Thursday will be better, I can feel it.

And now, it’s cereal time. I’m starving. Have a good Wednesday.